Chinese History for White People - Northern and Southern Dynasties
From the start, the Wei were emperors in name only, and when Sima Yi's grandson, Sima Yan, forced Cao Huan to abdicate and name him Emperor, the only thing that changed was the name of the dynasty. Thus historians call this the Wei-Jin dynasty. Sima Yan would also oversee the successful conquest of Wu, officially uniting the Empire.
The Jin were convinced their usurpation was possible because the Wei had made it policy to greatly disempower the Princes so they could not pose a threat to the Emperor—but this also meant they could not serve him as family, and so the Sima clan was able to insert themselves into the same positions of power. Seeking to patch the exploit they used to hack the throne, they decide it would be a great idea to give Princes considerable power. This immediately led to their doom as soon as Sima Yan died, resulting in the War of Eight Princes. But to be fair, who in this period could have guessed that giving warlords private armies would lead to disaster?
This whole period is a clusterfuck that's thorny to explain, and the details are not especially important. Once the War of Eight Princes concluded, the empire was weakened enough that the Five Barbarian tribes (Xiongnu, Xianbei, Di, Jei, and Qiang) realized this was a great time to invade culturally enrich China1, killing three of the Jin Emperors and establishing their own Kingdoms, resulting in the 16 Kingdoms era. Interestingly, all the barbarian kings established Han style dynastic names, and increasingly adopted Han culture and customs2. None of the 16 Kingdoms lasted very long, however; the Di briefly united northern China before suffering a devastating defeat by the Jin (yes, they're still around), shattering it again. Eventually the Xianbei would unite the north again, officially ending the 16 Kingdoms period and establishing what became known as the “Northern Wei” dynasty, which called themselves Wei, but to distinguish them from Wei-Jin, they're the Wei from the North.
Meanwhile, the Jin had moved their capital south and crowned a new Emperor, and tried to resume business as usual—but in a dysfunctional, incompetent, and ever more corrupt way. Nobody considered the foreign invaders Chinese, despite their Han styling and intermarriage, since they retained barbarian customs like recreational cannibalism and inheritable brides. The “Six Dynasties” refers exclusively to the southern dynasties. A more modern, inclusive name for the period is “Northern and Southern” dynasties. At any rate, the six dynasties in the south were Wu (they're counting the Three Kingdoms Era state), Jin, Liu-Song3, Southern Qi, Liang, and Chen. To give you a timeline, Wu fell to Jin in 280AD; just as Jin had shattered the unified Di in the north, the Jin Emperor died and general Liu Yu4 abandoned the battlefront that could have reunited China to instead seize the throne for himself in 420AD, forming the Liu-Song dynasty; Liu-Song was usurped by Qi in 479; Qi was forced to abdicate to Liang in 502 AD; the people who overthrew Liang5 in 557AD didn't actually keep the throne, resulting in Chen; and Chen was conquered by Sui in 589AD.
Back up north, Northern Wei lasted from 386AD to 535AD before splitting in a civil war into East and West Wei, and power soon changed hands in both states resulting in West Wei becoming Northern Zhou and East Wei becoming Northern Qi. But Northern Qi only lasted 27 years before being conquered by Northern Zhou, who would themselves would face a coup by the Sui only four years later.
Like I said, this whole period is a mess. There were almost6 no notable technological7 or legal advances. However this was the first time in Chinese history where power was mostly concentrated in the South, and this would shape Chinese culture permanently. To this day, there's a slight culture divide between North and South Chinese—the same way there's a culture divide in America between Yankees and the South. South Chinese stereotype the North as more barbaric—less prone to manners, yet more direct and honest, though also more prone to emotional outbursts and fisticuffs, and consistently far less educated. In turn, North Chinese see the South as two-faced condescending city slicker elites who will be kind to your face and spread rumors behind your back without ever letting you know they even had a problem with you. These stereotypes fit perfectly in the Chinese mind with the emotional yang energy and the manipulative yin energy, but they are nothing like the animosity of America's racial divide. Nonetheless, the education disparity is very stark: since the National exam system was established in the following Sui Dynasty, the top rank score each year has been from South China 80% of the time. Only one scholar from Shandong—the densely populated northern coastal province home to Confucius—has claimed the honor.
The only real contribution of the 6 Dynasty era is its philosophy. For starters, Mahayana Buddhism had crossed into China through the silk road in Han dynasty, and had finally established enough of a foothold to become influential. But the main reason8 there was so much philosophy is because everyone did a a ton of drugs and took off all their clothes.
In Han dynasty, Taoists had cooked up a potion called “5 Mineral Powder9” sometimes called “Cold Food Powder”, prescribed as a pyretic and as an entheogen for treating depression. Yet at some point in Wei-Jin a scholar—He Yan—attributed his insights10 to drug use, and suddenly every scholar and ruler seeking a cognitive edge11 started getting high on rocks12. Modern physicians estimate it was not addictive if only taken once a month. Contemporary physicians observed having a good state of mind was important, as it could cause acute anxiety and suicidal depression. Users also treated the resulting hyperthermia with cold food and cold baths, which if not managed carefully could result in hypothermia. Chronic use resulted in a pretty daunting list of complications—including everything you'd expect from arsenic poisoning—but in its day was mostly known for causing sensitivity, various pains, and skin ulcers. It's this latter-most symptom that gave Wei-Jin it's notoriously lewd fashion. High society wore as little clothing as possible, and what they did wear was typically delicate and thin. It's also believed this is when China's aesthetic preference for androgyny in the genders began, as chronic users were known for being thin, pale, half-clothed, beardless, and sickly.
This period was not without its interesting personages however, including 3 of the 4 Great Heartthrobs:
Pan An: Second of the 4 Great Heartthrobs. A famous writer in the War of Eight Princes (comparable to Lord Byron); he had hordes of groupies who gave him flowers and fruits every time he went out of the house—but remained utterly devoted to his wife, even after she died. Wrote the first poem ever written in China about mourning the loss of your wife, which started an entire new genre. He also assassinated a crown prince by getting him drunk and having him write a story about sacrifices to the gods, which with a couple of strokes to change the characters could be read as a plan to usurp the throne.
Sima Zhong: Jin Emperor during the War of Eight Princes, and the only genuine retard to ever sit the Imperial Throne—intended obviously as a placeholder and a puppet. Notoriously remembered for when a minister told him the people had ran out of rice, and he asked “Why don't they eat meat?” That history has been unfair to him though, and by most accounts he was actually very kind and did his best—and was even aware of and wished to stop the disastrous scheming of those around him.
Wei Jie: Third of the 4 Great Heartthrobes. Known primarily for being stared at to death. Rode a cart through town once and was so beautiful people thought he was a statue. The saying about his family is “His father is clear as ice, the son is as smooth as jade.” Wei Jie was very into debate, but he was sickly so his mom wouldn't let him talk, but everyone thought what he did say was super deep maaaaaan. When he fled to Nanjing during the Invasion of the Five Barbarians, there were multiple trampling events as people tried to see him arrive. He fell sick from anxiety because too many people were constantly looking at him.
Gao Changong: Last of the 4 Great Hearththrobs. He was a prince of Northern Qi and served as a general, but his beauty was so effeminate and striking that people had a hard time taking him seriously in battle so he had to wear a scary mask. He was talented in music, and kind to his soldiers—often sharing his gifts with them. Once broke a pivotal siege with only 500 cavalry. The Emperor (Gao Wei) asked him if he ever was afraid in battle, and Gao Changong answered he just focused his thoughts on fighting for his family. This apparently was the wrong answer and made the paranoid Emperor suspicious. Gao Changong deliberately started taking bribes and reporting it to the Emperor to give him blackmail so that he could feel assured of his loyalty, but the Emperor ordered him to drink poison anyway.
Northern Qi is also the single most degenerate “““dynasty””” in Chinese history. Most of the rulers during this dynasty were actually decent when it came to policy, but the entire Gao royal family are tabloid legends. Let's start with Gao Cheng, whose father (Gao Huan) started the East and West Wei split. Gao Huan was just a regent general at the time (before East Wei became North Qi), but he still had a harem that he liked to fill with widows and divorcees. He was also a workaholic, so his harem got lonely. A 13 year old Gao Cheng decided he could fix that. Gao Huan almost disinherited him, but didn't as a courtesy to his mother, so he sent him off to the military instead. There, he tried to rape his cousin's wife, so that cousin defected to West Wei and reignited the civil war. Nonetheless Gao Cheng was a very shrewd and successful secret police enforcer—rooting out corruption and rebels alike. He wouldn't sit the throne for very long however. About the only thing he got done was raping his brother's wife. Then he started treating POW nobles like slaves, so they stabbed him with a kitchen knife.
Gao Yang took the throne13 next, and very first thing he did upon taking the throne was rape Gao Cheng's wife as vengeance for when Gao Cheng raped his wife. He also raped his father's concubines (normally they're supposed to retire to a nunnery or live with the Princes they bore), and killed the ones that resisted too hard. He even decapitated his favorite concubine out of paranoia she would cheat on him, then went to a party with her head stuffed in his pants—which he pulled out during dinner, plopped on the table, and cried about how he'd never find such a beauty again. Aside from this, he was known for being fond of women's makeup, crossdressing, and his severe alcoholism—at one point stripping naked and running through the streets in winter. His mother—the Empress—once beat him for being a horrible drunk, and he threatened to sell her to the barbarians14. Eventually, he died of alcoholism, begging his brother, Gao Yan, not to kill his son, Gao Yin, and even offered him the throne to spare him. Literally only one person managed to cry at Gao Yang's funeral.
Gao Yin more or less gave up the throne immediately, but Gao Yan killed him anyway on the advice of his fortune teller. Gao Yan ruled for a year before a rabbit spooked his horse and he broke his ribs, dying at 26. He too begged his brother, Gao Zhan, to spare his son and take the throne. Which he did for about 3 years, until a fortune teller also advised him to kill the boy, so he did.
The first thing Gao Zhan did as Emperor was rape Gao Cheng's wife15. She became pregnant from the encounter and gave birth to a daughter, who she immediately killed. So Gao Zhan tortured her son to death in front of her as vengeance for killing his daughter. When his own mother (Gao Huan's wife) died, he continued to feast and play music—and when his gay lover He Shikai advised against this, he slapped him. This was shocking because Gao Zhan was absolutely obsessed with He Shikai—who was summoned to the palace multiple times per day, and when returning home would often only make it as far as the palace gate before getting immediately summoned back in. Court records include lots of romantic exchanges between the two, but the most significant was when He Shikai convinced Gao Zhan that everyone dies in the end, so he should abandon his duties to his court and dedicate himself to having a life of as much pleasure as possible. So he abdicated to his eight-year-old son Gao Wei, left court affairs to his wife (now Empress Hu) and He Shikai, and proceeded to go on a three year royal bender, after which he died of partying too hard.
While Gao Zhan was still Emperor, Lady Hu specifically asked him to introduce her to He Shikai, and they immediately started having an affair. When somebody tried to expose the affair, Gao Zhan had them executed for plotting rebellion. He Shikai was not a very competent regent, however, and very tolerant of corruption. Gao Wei, however, liked how He Shikai did everything and let him play all day, so he basically just rubber stamped everything that came across his desk. When He Shikai and Empress Hu made their relationship publicly known, dissatisfied ministers put an execution order for He Shikai in front of Gao Wei and he automatically stamped it without reading, and they hurriedly carried out the order before anyone told Gao Wei what was being done.
Empress Hu was grieving for He Shikai at a Buddhist temple when she noticed the monk there was cute, so she ordered him to follow her back to the palace. After that, lots of Buddhist monks were ordered to come to the palace dressed as maids so they could accompany her as she went about. Gao Wei saw these maids and found them attractive, so he ordered16 them to become his concubines, but they fled and refused his advances. Once captured, he stripped them down and discovered they were all men there to bang his mom. So he had all the monks in the palace killed. When Northern Qi fell, Empress Hu fled to Zhou and opened a brothel with her daughter-in-law. And took on customers herself17. She even is quoted as saying, “It's much better to be a prostitute than a Queen.”18
Gao Wei grew up with peculiar hobbies—particularly roleplaying. He built a slum inside the palace so he could roleplay being a beggar. Then he built a market so he could roleplay being a merchant or customer. He had a pet eagle he fed meat from a live dog—which he'd manage to keep alive for several days. He also really enjoyed flaying people's faces off. When he found out his uncle Gao Che liked to sick his dogs on a mother and child, Gao Wei thought that sounded fun and invited him to the palace to do that a bunch. Gao Che said the most fun he ever had was locking a monkey in a cage with a scorpion, so Gao Wei decided to build a big tank and throw a bunch of people in with buckets of scorpions. He then made Gao Che Grand Marshal for being such a fun guy. Gao Wei is also known for allowing his favorite concubine to lounge completely nude at court, and charging a fee of any minister whose eyes wandered—making this the world's first19 Imperial peep show. He was otherwise known for killing every competent minister and general in his employ20.
Keep in mind, this is remarkable—not representative of the era. The entire Northern Qi dynasty, from regency to conquest, took place in only 50 years. The Northern and Southern Dynasties era may have been a drug fueled shit show, but modern historians think climate disaster had a more profound impact than any personal failings of the rulers involved21. The Late Antiquity Little Ice Age began in the Northern and Southern Dynasties period, which reduced the latitude at which precipitation was viable for agriculture. This put pressure on the barbarian tribes to move south as a matter of survival, and the droughts also happen to cause the dry weather conditions for locust swarms to emerge—furthering desperation and chaos22 that lead to rebellions and conquest. This drought-locust-famine cycle would continue for centuries into the early Tang dynasty!
Some modern academics thinks it should be called the “Chaos of the Five Barbarians”, as people from these tribes have been immigrating to China for centuries, but always as second class citizens. Always first to be drafted for war, getting fewer military benefits, denied natural disaster relief, etc. Invading forces were operating in concert with kinsmen who had settled there for several generations.
These barbarian tribes were not seeking to seize land to expand their own civilisation—land was something they had in unlimited abundance. They wanted the wealth and comfort of Chinese civilisation, and knew full well their nomadic steppes way of lif wasn’t as suited for that as the Han superpower of yore.
At the time, it was just called Song, but later, a much more prominent dynasty would emerge called Song, so historians call this Liu-Song after the name of the Imperial family.
A very distant descendant of the Liu family.
One amusing vignette of the Liang was the Emperor who ran away to join a Buddhist monastery. The monastery demanded a ransom of 100 million coins to return him, with the ministers paid. A month later, the Emperor ran away again, and they had to pay 100 million coins to get him back again. This happened a total of four separate times. Because that’s what monasteries do when they practice detachment from worldly affairs and material goods.
One important exception in Jia Sixie, an agriculturalist from Northern Wei who wrote a 10-volume Encyclopaedia on agriculture called the “Qimin Yaoshu”, condensing all the farming knowledge of the Chinese into one convenient manual, and was a globally unparalleled work in agricultural science for its time. It covered horticulture, afforestation, husbandry, sericulture, veterinarian medicine, selective breeding, brewing, cooking, and preservation techniques. It referenced previous works from Han and Jin, but this work was so useful the works it cited fell outo f print. Even Charles Darwin would cite the Qimin Yaoshu in his “Origin of Species”!
Another notable exception is Zu Chongzhi, a mathematician who invented the paddle-wheel ship, aka “thousand league boat”, powered at this time by foot pedalling. Useful for travelling without or against the wind, Tang Dynasty would develop a warship based on this design, though it saw much more extensive use in Song Dynasty.
A more cynical take is that the Sima family feared competent ministers, since they themselves had seized power by becoming too influential in court as ministers, and so it became fashionable to prove you weren’t doing any work by writing lengthy essays on abstract curiosities.
Cinnabar, Realgar (arsenic rat poison), Potash Alum, Malachite (which kind? speculations differ), and Magnetite. Seeing as efforts were made in later dynasties to eradicate this, many of the surviving sources refer to these in colour codes. We don’t know the proportions, and there were supposedly inactive ingredients in the paste that might have been more relevant than originally supposed, since efforts to recreate it have failed. Still, interesting to see an entirely inorganic entheogen.
Known mostly for arguing that Taoism and Confucianism were not in contradiction, as well as the philosophy of “wu wei”, accomplishing things with inaction—such as laissez faire governance.
Some critics have suggested that it merely makes one more impressed with and uncritical of new ideas, rather than actually enhance cognition.
Also contributing to its popularity was the rumour that it could prevent you from getting typhoid (it can’t).
He formally deposed the North Wei Emperor they had been keeping around, so technically as the founder of Qi, though the takeover was already one long ago.
The Gao family was mixed-blood Han, but presumably there were still barbarians out in Mongolia.
Yes, the same one Gao Yang raped. No special motive—presuambly, he just coveted her.
This is theoretically legal, but deeply culturally unacceptable. Someone’s maids are considered extensions of themselves. Fucking your mother’s maid is basically considered one step removed from fucking your mother. Similarly, it is extremely scandalous to sleep with your daughter’s maid.
At this point, you might be thinking thisi s just the same propaganda China throws at every Empress who actually did anything substantial. No, not in this case. Zhou has tax records of her brothel. And more importantly—all of this was in the Qi family’s own official history they produced themselves. They were just remarkably shameless trashy people who came into absolute power.
She’s probably right too. You have a lot more control over your life owning your own prothel and are less likely to be murdered or raped for political reasons beyond your control.
And only?
In his defense, anyone competent would immediately conclude this psychopath needed to die.
Even the North Qi were considered competent in matters of state!
There was also an extremely devastating epidemic of typhoid, though this wasn’t climate-induced as far as I can tell.