02/12/24 - They said that if our ancestors are hungry, they can come over to our house.
A compilation of when people accidentally exposed their identities:
“Riding the train to Qingdao, and the conductor comes by to check my ticket. I reflexively hand it over with both hands. He said, “Thanks” to me, and I was like, “You’re welcome, have a nice trip.” And he was like, “……””
“I heard this story from our professor, that an upperclassman went to get his driver’s license over summer break. After a couple of days, the coach was like, “You’re going to college to become a pilot, right?” And the upperclassman was like, “Wow! How did you know?” And the coach was like, “I’ve taught a lot of people how to drive cars, and this is the first time I’ve seen anyone pull on the steering wheel when going up hills.””
“A loooong time after I’ve changed careers, I’d still answer every call with, “Yes, Chief, what are your instructions?” Most of the time, I’m answered with a long silence.”
“Driving back to my hometown with my dad, and ran into a traffic break in the middle of town. My dad got annoyed after waiting a while and got out of the car. Soon, the whole intersection freed up. I pulled forward, and saw my dad standing in the middle of the intersection, directing traffic. After my dad was assigned his workplace, he’d worked for twenty-odd years as a police detective, but never did any work related to traffic cops. But he studied how to be a traffic cop back in technical college and never forgot it after twenty years. I’m pretty awed by my dad.”
“When I went to see a psychologist, it was a nice lady wearing a long, white dress. The first line I said to her was, “This line of work is pretty hard, isn’t it, coming in contact with so much negative energy every day.” She turned and her eyes got super sharp as she said, “You work in sales.” I asked her how she knew, and she was like, “You talk like you’re leading into something.””
“Worked as customer service as Three Squirrels [nut company] for too long, and now I call everyone “Master”.”
“I’m a lawyer. Every time I call my husband, I record the call, in case we have a fight later and I need evidence. Of course, he records me too, since he’s a lawyer too. Every time we have a fight and what we said before comes up, we listen to the recordings.”
“If someone is being really loud, I’ll reflexively be like, “We all need to shut our little mouths now~” Daycare teacher.”
“I’m a nurse, and went to my sister’s hotpot restaurant to help out, and I asked her, “Which bed is this food going to?”
“Any time I’m reading any large chunk of text, I want to change it to squared Song font size 2.” [the standard formatting for government documents]
A tiktok video of an empty Korean mall contrasted with super busy Chinese malls along with “”comments”” by “”commenters”” from various countries:
Comments say, “Any shopping mall in a random Chinese city is just as empty. You don’t have to go all the way to Korea.”
“We’re the superpower. If you don’t respect us, we wouldn’t bother going to your itty bitty country either.”
“I used to fly to Seoul every Friday evening and fly back on Sunday, and go back to work on Monday, just to eat and shop. Now I don’t want to do it anymore.”
A compilation of medical….truths? that people don’t want to believe in:
“If you can hear your heartbeat when you’re not moving around, you have neurasthenia.” [basically chronic fatigue syndrome]
“Long-term inflammation can cause Alzheimers, like having periodontitis or mouth ulcers long-term. People need to watch out.”
“Sometimes, when foetuses detect that their mother doesn’t want them, they’ll grow standing up in the uterus so the stomach doesn’t show as much, and will make the mother bleed at a set time every month, so the mother doesn’t realise she’s missing her period and discover she’s pregnant.”
“Having sweaty hands is a neurological problem and is currently incurable.”
“I hear that 90% of stomach problems are actually mental health issues.”
“I saw a news story back in the day of a paraplegic woman who could stand up and walk around while sleepwalking.”
“Astigmatism is also incurable, so stop scrolling on your phone while laying on your side in the dark, people.”
“If your leg falls asleep, you don’t have to stomp your feet, you can shake your head a lot to make it go away.”
“A blind old guy got Alzheimers and forgot he was blind and could see again.”
CCTV’s been posting excerpts from the Spring Festival Gala these past few days, asking what people think. I’ve come upon the excerpt for the comedy skit about getting a mysterious “You there?” text from your boss.
The comment section says, “I’m just sayin’, this skit was pretty funny~”
“Feels pretty creative. Least it fits what young people’s current mental state is like.”
“This one was a little funnier than the others XD”
“This program really was pretty good, almost as good as what we used to get.”
A blogger reposts an old bog post from 2022, which reads, “With covid going around, everyone’s really depressed, but I really advise that people compromise a little more when dealing with their personal relations, or a tiny conflict could turn into an absolute catastrophy.
This just happened in Jinsha Zhou, I won’t mention which development. The kid living upstairs is really loud while taking their online classes, and their downstairs neighbour came by several time to ask that they purchase some carpet, and they refused. The upstairs neighbours even bought a bucket of marbles for the kid to spill all over the floor. The downstairs neighbour got so mad that he killed the entire family upstairs, and just let a couple month old baby. Now the baby’s been adopted by the Baiyun police.”
The blogger writes, “You won’t let someone’s daughter play around at home at 3PM in the afternoon? A heroine, huh? I hope every feminazi meets a heroine like this. It’ll be like a feminazi matching game. [The kind where you make two of the same tiles disappear by connecting them to each other.]
Comments say, “How is this heroine-ism?”
“The mother doesn’t count as a woman?”
“We society people would’ve chosen a building shaker.” [An industrial shaker that you can attach to your ceiling to create noise that’s only directed at your neighbours, where you hardly hear anything yourself.]
A compilation of how young people these days go make offerings to their ancestors:
“Usually, at this point, I’d just take out my Qinghua Graduation Certificate, and my ancestral grave will start smoking, and I can see where it is.” [Producing remarkably impressive offspring is said to be, “your ancestral graves smoking.” I would translate it as, “Your ancestral grave must be on fire!” except that would actually be a very bad thing.]
“My friend went to the graveyard this year, and accidentally got sparklers instead of incense.”
“I have no idea where our ancestral grave is. My brother and I go to a different spot every year. My brother says so long as we’re faithful, it’ll work.”
“Well, fuck. My ancestral grave became someone else’s farm.”
“Neither my mom nor my dad are going to the graveyard this year. They said that if our ancestors are hungry, they can come over to our house.”
“Buy them a phone so you can call them for directions.”
“The trees are so spiky along the way that my hands were bleeding by the time I was done.”
“When we went to the graveyard this year, my dad put some incense on all the surrounding graves, and I was like, “What’s that for?” And my sister was like, “We’re saying hi to the neighbours.””
“I can only find my dad’s grave site and nobody else’s, so I just burn everything to my dad and ask him to run it out to everyone else.”
“I just saw a guy stop at the foot of the hill to be like, “Man, the roads are super slippery this year, so I’m just gonna burn everything here. If you want stuff, come down and get it yourself. I need to get going.””
“If you give a civil servant 10 million RMB, would they agree to quit? I’ve asked this question to a lot of civil servants in a lot of different cities.
When I asked civil servants in small towns in the midwest, most of them are willing to quit for 10 milllion RMB. Even civil servants in small town Shandong are willing to consider quitting for 10 million.
But if you ask civil servants in big cities like Shenzhen, Nanjing, or Hangzhou, even if they’re just bottom-level employees, very few are willing to quit.
The treatment that civil servants get in different cities in China can be drastically different. For civil servants in small towns in the midwest, they make only about 60-80K a year if you count all the benefits. But in economically prosperous areas on the east coast, civil servants can make more than 200K a year.
10 million can lure in people who make 60K a year, but it’s a lot harder to lure people who make 200K a year.”
Comments say, “You post a lot of bullshit every day. Have you ever made 10 million RMB? Do you not have a concept of money?”
“If you put 10 million in CDs, you could make over 300K a year.”
“You can’t just count a civil servant’s income while they’re working, you gotta count their retirement benefits too.”
“An idea for next year’s Spring Festival Gala: there’s not a single language-based program [xiangsheng or comedy skit] the whole entire night. Not a single one. Then, when the show is about to end, and An Unforgettable Night is about to play, Nigmati [one of the TV hosts] will say, “Our Snake Year Spring Festival Gala is about to end!” And Ma Fanshu [also a TV host] will be like, “Wait a moment, I just realised we haven’t had a single language program all night!” And Benny Sa will be like, “Yeah, where’s our xiangsheng and comedy skits?”
And at this point, every single xiangsheng and comedy skit performer who’s ever came on a Spring Festival Gala, from 1983 when it all started to now, so long as they’re alive and can still walk, every single of of them, men and women, old and young, northerners and southerners, famous or forgotten, will slowly walk on stage. No background music. No talking. Everyone is silent and smiling.
The audience explodes into applause, and everyone on stage just maintains silence and smiling and doesn’t say anything. Once the applause dies down, these people silently walk off stage again. The TV hosts stare a bit but don’t say anything either, and then An Unforgettable Night plays and the show ends.”
Comments say, “You’ll make the directors piss themselves in fear with that idea.”
“The comedy skit actors have to bring a picture of Zhao Lirong [famous comedy skit actress who passed away), and the xiangsheng actors have to bring a picture of Ma Sanli.”
“This presentation is like they all passed away and their ghosts are dispersing or something.”
“Wouldn’t that feel like we’re watching the last Spring Festival Gala though?”
[I have seen this post come up like half a dozen times throughout the day over the last few days. It’s being pushed really hard.]
“My name is Liu Yong, a pitiful person. It’s hard for me to afford even one meal a day. And the most ridiculous and sad part of this is, I’m actually a civil servant working for state government, and I’m a Master’s Degree graduation. I used to be First Secretary of Zhu Village, Butuo County, in Liangshan.
When I was assigned to my village, I gained the trust of the local Yi people, and I swore back then that I would do everything in my power to pay back their trust. I’ve been sponsoring Xing, a Yi child in this village, from 9th grade to 12th grade, a whole five years. No matter how hard life got in those five years, I always tell myself, “It’s easy to be kind, it’s hard to continue being kind.” No matter what, I have to stick it out until he graduates from college.
The saying goes, “The heavens watch what men do.” I’m still grateful to this society, grateful to God for never abandoning me. Whenever I go take out small loans, the owner heard that someone was borrowing money to sponsor Yi kids and do charity, and decided he had to meet me and help me get a loan from the bank. I’m really thankful to this company and thankful to this owner. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have been able to make it at all. Aside from helping our my adopted parents, I spend all of my earnings on these Yi children and charity. I don’t spend money on myself for food or clothing. I’ve never went out and had fun. I never smoke and never drink, and only occasionally have some clearance beer. I never play cards either.
Due to various reasons, I owe a lot of debt, and all of my salary every month goes towards that debt. Actually, in 2023, I even established the Soma Flower Grant. This is my 6th year buying winter coats for children in my village, as well as continuing to pay tuition on the three Yi university students I’ve sponsored. Another Yi child has graduated from university this year, and I’m come through on my promise to help every child I sponsor through college.
Finally, I’m sincerely grateful to everyone who’s helped me in 2023. I hope all of you good people will have peaceful lives. I’m especially grateful to the small loan company owner, and the various students in the Southwest Petroleum University. Thank you for the reporters who told my story, and thank you to the five Yi children who live with me.”
[He attaches screenshots of records of his donations over the years.]
Comments say, “If you’re rich, you can feed the world. If you’re poor, then feed yourself, okay??”
“All the transaction records add up to less than 10K RMB. And who knows if the past donations were real. Even if they were real, that’s just 210K RMB total. I don’t believe you need to take out high interest loans for that pittance. Our government takes care of those who help the poor, unless…”
“Take care of your family first before you start getting sentimental. Sacrificing your family so you can donate to someone else is called arrogance.”
psychology -> psychologist
paraplegia -> paraplegic
heroin -> heroine
here anything -> hear anything