[One day late, because I was way too drunk to try to do this last night. I hope everyone had a great New Year’s Eve! If you feel like there’s context you’re missing, or if there’s anything you’ve always wanted to know about China, leave your questions in the comment section and I’ll do my best to answer them! Thank you guys for all your support!]
“My ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend sent all of his exes a thank you letter? It’s too long so I didn’t read, but should I reply with “You’re welcome”?”
The letter reads, “Here, I’d like to sincerely thank all dozen of you who have accompanied [blurred name] through his life. I’m deeply grateful and your companionship not only made [blurred name] into a more mature and warm person, but you allowed me to enjoy the fruit of his growth today.
First of all, thank you for giving him warm companionship in his lonely teenage years. Not only did you prevent his fate in becoming an autist, but he has been able to find some precious comfort in his teenage exploration. It is this companionship that allowed him to walk out of his loneliness towards a broader world.
Secondly, thank you for your tolerance and understanding, forgiving [blurred name] for his lascivious nature. Through his dozen relationships, he was able to figure out the difference between thrill and love and began to realise the unintentional harm he has done to his partners. I’m willing to believe that these harms were unintentional, because he is a very kind person, and your kindness and forgiveness is an important factor for how he became who he is today.
At the same time, thank you for bringing him a detailed female point of view in your interactions with him. It is this inspiration that made him grow from an only child born in a patriarchal system to becoming a feminist man. Your wisdom and opinions let him learn respect and empathy, and taught him how to better treat his partner as equals, to care for her and support her.
In addition, thank you for your patience and tutelage in your relationship with him, letting [blurred name] learn how to get along with his partner, whether it’s his caring in every day life or his dedicated service in intimate times. He has displayed a delightful amount of ability and responsibility, and he would not have these abilities without your efforts.
In the end, I’d like to say that those who come before plant trees so that those who come after can rest in the shade. In these dozen relationships, [blurred name] has grown from, “I love because I am loved, I love you because I need you” to “I am loved because I love, I need you because I love you.” You should all be credited for his growth.
Thank you again for how much you’ve given and taught.
Current girlfriend, who would like to stay anonymous.
2024/12/30.”
Comments say, “TL;DR someone picked up a guy who got dumped by a dozen women and thinks he’s some kind of treasure.”
“You’re all hotels. I’m home.”
“How many hands has this shitty beater gone through? And she’s so excited that she had to write a test drive review for it? Just play with second hand dick and throw it away after.”
“Couldn’t get tickets to go home for the winter holidays, so I signed up for a senior’s tour group, and I knew I’d made the right choice.”
A compilation of comments, “Tour guide: If you don’t buy anything I’m going to abandon you here. You: :P”
“You’d better follow your words, tour guide.”
“Tour guide: I’m gonna have to call up some people if you don’t buy anything. You: Let me show you who’s the real local snake here.” [a term that describes someone with a lot of local connections and pull.]
“He calls people up and it turns out to be your aunts and uncles XD”
“Tour guide: If you don’t buy anything, don’t bother coming back. Me: I’m home.”
“What do you mean that you have to have your luggage with you when you get off the car or else you don’t feel safe?”
“Tour guide: This area is very well known for this and that. You: Really? I had no idea! <3”
“If I wasn’t carsick, I’d sign up too.”
“If I remember correctly, whoever signs up has to travel back with them. You can’t drop out half way.”
“There were six uni students looking to get home in my tour.”
“The tour guide just finished up telling people they can’t get back on the bus if they don’t buy something, just to turn around and see you already 2km away.”
“If I can’t get my ticket, I’m gonna come home this way too.”
“I’m never gonna ride in a bus with old people again. There was an uncle next to me last time who spat phlegm out the window the entire way and totally grossed me out, and I was carsick to begin with.”
“Don’t be surprised. When you’re old, you’re not gonna have nearly this much energy.”
“When the tour guide is doing a head count and realises someone’s missing…”
Question: “Is the American military really corrupt?”
Answer: “You don’t even understand the American military’s corruption. Let me give you a simple example. This is the motherboard of the javelin anti-tank missile, a Texas produced piece of equipment with anti-EMS military-grade chip.
This is the motherboard once Raytheon won the bid. It’s a simple civilian-grade chip now, the cost has been reduced by near 90%, but the price the military pays still goes up every year. Where are the profits disappearing to? Do you even dare to ask?
Comments say, “Kid, you ask too many questions and you’re gonna make things hard for Agent Smith and all the lords in congress.”
“Americans splitting dog food be like:”
“At least there’s still a motherboard. They have some morals.”
“What my boyfriend brought when he came over for the first time. What do I do with this? It’s a box of bread, a box of white tea, and two down jackets. My boyfriend said it’s all practical stuff. He likes bread, the white tea is for my dad, and my mom and dad each get a down jacket. However I add it up, it’s only 2500RMB.
He ate dinner and went home. He feels like since it’s his first time coming over and meeting my parents, nothing’s set in stone yet, so there’s no need to spend that much money. He only makes a little over 10K a month, but I feel like you gotta have the right attitude when you come over for the first time. Plus, my parents gave him a red pocket and everything.”
Comments say, “2500 isn’t enough? You’d think he made 100K a month or something.”
“White tea and down jacket sounds perfectly nice to me.”
“What’s the problem with giving your parents a down jacket each? Isn’t that much healthier than bringing cigarettes or alcohol? And it’s not a cheap down jacket that he randomly grabbed either. Bosideng is a good brand.”
“Am I done? The IRS called and said that my company is under suspicion of misreporting costs and asked me to cooperate with their audit and bring over this year’s books. I was so scared that I panicked and asked him if he wanted to see the real books or the fake books, and he was silent for the longest time.”
Comments say, “IRS: You get to sit at the head table for this year’s year end feast.”
“Accountants and pigs are the most terrified of New Years.” [New Years is a traditional time to slaughter pigs.]
“Does this count as turning yourself in?”
“I got so busy that I completely forgot and made a 4-inch cake that someone ordered into a 6-inch cake. It’s already time so I can’t make another one. If I ask the client to pay the difference, it kinda hurts my morals, making them responsible for my mistake. But if I don’t ask the client to pay the difference, I can’t handle the cost and it hurts my heart. This is so hard.”
Comments say, “Just be honest and say that you accidentally made the 4-inch cake into a 6-inch but they can still pay you the 4-inch price.”
“Can’t handle the cost? Rofl.”
“Definitely do not tell them that you can’t handle the cost.”
“You should just shut your doors and declare bankruptcy if you can’t even handle the cost of two extra inches.”
#15-year-old girl delivers baby in hospital and sells it for 68K. #Shanxi Obstetric doctor suspected of trafficking babies. “Lately, reporters received a lead that Doctor Wang —Qing at the Shanxi Datong First Hospital might be involved in trafficking babies. Reporters learn that in 2022, Wang —Qing has introduced the buyer and seller of a baby to each other. The same year, in May, a 15-year-old girl delivered a baby which was sold to a couple. The girl was registered under the buyer’s personal information when she was admitted to the hospital. Wang —Qing revealed that when the police investigated the 15-year-old girl’s ex-boyfriend for murder, they discovered the trafficking incident described above. The prosecutor’s office’s Decision to Not Prosecute document showed that the buyer paid 68K to take the baby, and the mother was paid 41K through the middle man. Wang —Qing’s behaviour constitutes forging national documents, but due to the minor nature of the crime, it has been decided that no charges will be filed.”
Comments say, “Who can say this is not an industry?”
“The minor nature of the crime???”
“Is this not human trafficking??? Minor nature???”
Question: “What do you think about Doughnut Wang Wei running out of cash and about to die on the streets?” [Influencer who illegally immigrated to American and did a lot of content showing people how to get by as an illegal immigrant.]
Answer: “That is just now how you’re supposed to immigrate to America.
I’ve wrote about this before. If you want to get to America, especially if you’re a woman, there’s a much easier way.
Whether or not you have any schooling in China at all, go spend a couple grand online and buy yourself a bachelor’s degree, and then apply for a Master’s program in America in any community college. Go take some Duolingo and no matter what grades you get, apply for a double major with language.
Usually, they’ll admit you so long as you apply, and then you get a visa. If you’re not doing a STEM major and just want to get a nursing degree or something, you’ll get the visa.
Then just go there legitimately. You don’t have to hop the border.
And once you’re in America, forget about school. Use the 100K you borrowed from loan sharks in China to find a place to settle down, preferably somewhere with nice weather on the west coast.
Then you can work under the table if you want to. Or learn how to wash carpets or mow lawns, buy yourself some second hand equipment, and start doing that around town.
All of this will work even in 2025. Your problem if that you’re too scared to speak English. If you had half the shamelessness of Wang Wei, you’d have been set already.”
Comments say, “Could you do the opposite? Get into a random diploma mill in America and get yourself some credit cards, max everything out and run back to China to enjoy life?”
“Honestly, I’ve watched a lot of Wang Wei’s material, and I feel like the main reason he’s been so successful is that he’s a fundamentally American person. Like, the very first people who stepped onto America all had nothing except the hopes and dreams of starting a new life on a new continent, and that was enough for them to hop on a shitty boat and sail across the ocean, right? He’s the same way. Isn’t this the American spirit? The American dream?”
“Great! I support running to America in a scientific way!”
...is the "minor crime" also a pun in Chinese? Not actually sure whether the incredulity is over minor-as-in-insignificant, minor-as-in-child, or that it could be both.
The down jacket thing got me thinking: my impression of animal welfare in China is very low, especially for things like chickens for eating and ducks for down. Is there any movement at all towards more ethical animal consumption in China or not really? Would forming some sort of group to advocate for that be the kind of thing the government would clamp down on?