A mom asks for advice about what to do with a toddler who doesn’t want to share, attaching a video of her daughter hitting her hand every time she reaches for a bowl of blueberries that her daughter is eating out of. Commenters suggest, “Beat her and tell her those were bought with your money.”
A post of a woman seeking a husband. She’s born in 82 and is really freaking out now, because she’d just passed 40 years old, and no friends showed up to her birthday party. Her parents were visibly upset as they ate with her. She knows it’s because she’s not married. She works in state government, Masters degree from a 211 university (one tier below ivy league), and the reason she’s divorced is because of emotional incompatibility with her ex-husband. She’s 156cm, 46kg. She attached a photo of herself that the blogger posting about this is not showing, but his description of her is “dark-skinned and thin, not that pretty, a very standard passerby-face in a movie).
Her requirements for her husband are:
Born after 1978, healthy. She will require ID as proof of age, and doing 7 pull-ups to prove health.
Owns assets of over 10 million RMB. Owns a two-bedroom house in the middle of the city, even better if it’s three-bedroom.
Ambitious, makes minimum 800K a year.
Has parents who don’t interfere in his life, don’t live with him, and have their own retirement savings. No genetic disorders in the family.
Gentle personality, won’t pick fights. She’s tired.
Must return home at 7pm every night to eat dinner. (This requirement has been circled in red by the blogger)
Willing to hire a maid. She won’t do housework.
Don’t flirt with other girls. Will let her check his phone at any time.
Owns a medium-size business, or is C-suit manager of a large business.
Don’t smoke or drink.
Blogger makes fun that no wonder she’s still single. Comments agree that with 10 million RMB, why wouldn’t anyone just marry a 20-year-old?
The latest news on Yaya is that the Memphis Zoo has shared another video of her, along with the message, “Today, we celebrated National Panda Day with Yaya. She got lots of bamboo, fun toys, and snacks she likes, like grapes. She has been doing nothing but eating and sleeping all day.” Volunteers claim that Beijing Zoo has sent two of their expert to go to America, but can’t say for certain whether Yaya will return on the 7th of April. Although the contract with Memphis Zoo ends on that day, the actual paperwork for bringing Yaya back is still being processed.
Comments say, “Haven’t they been saying for weeks that experts are going to Memphis Zoo? Exactly how many days does it take to fly to America?”
A literature blogger and writer writes a short story. “She has a super power. She can hear plants talk. Eggplants would ask her, “Was Chinese class hard today?” Endives would ask her, “Did they give your milk to your brother again today?” Cilantro would tell her, “Be careful of that old man in the east of the village.”
She’s heard about princesses in fairytales who can talk to animals. So she told the cucumber quietly, “I want to be a princess too. If I was a princess, I wouldn’t have to come pick you.”
Every time she picked cucumbers, they’d cry. Sometimes, she’d hurt her hands on the spikes of the cucumber, and she’d cry with them.
She valued her super power. She wanted to tell it to her dad, her grandma and grandpa, let them know that she is special after all.
When she told the plants this suggestion, they all began screaming, “No! No!”
So she gave up on the idea, because she read a story about how a giant octopus can steal the little mermaid’s voice. She was scared that if she told her family, they’d take her powers too and give them to her brother, just like the eggs she would get from her classmate, or the milk she would get from school. Even the book bag donated from a nice lady she’s never met would be taken away fro her and given to her brother.
She hid her powers.
But she’s too little. She doesn’t know how to hide something well. Her brother started making fun of her, ‘Sis is a crazy person! She talks to plants!” And soon enough, the whole village knew that she talked to plants.
Her secret super power was like a helpless bamboo shoot, ripped out of the ground and peeled down to its core and thrown into the village square to bake painfully under the sun.
“You’re a fucking embarrassment!” Her father slapped her across the face. Her ear began to bleed under the tornado of violence.
She can’t seem to hear anymore.
Her power had been taken away.
She held the cucumber she’d picked, the eggplant she’d washed, the endive she’d marinaded, and she looked at her brother playing his phone on his bed.
She felt hate, and she felt lost. She put the pile of vegetables on his bed and asked him quietly, “Bro, can you tell me what they’re saying?”
Scared, her brother shoved her away, “Dad! She’s being all crazy again! She’s acting crazy!”
Her father put down his second most important possession in the world, his beer bottle, and rushed to protect his most important possession, kicking his least important wasted investment to the corner of the house.
That night, he beat her so bad the whole village could her hear scream.
When the volunteers came to get her, her hands were covered with vegetable mush that she’d crushed in pain. Seeming with its last breath, the eggplant whispered into her ear, “let them hear.”
A couple of years after she was rescued, she heard that many old people in that village got her powers. The number of schizophrenics skyrocketed in town. All of them said, “I can hear those babies crying in my ear!” “Those goddamn girls never stop screaming in my brain!” “Dead babies!”
Later, volunteers dug up a couple dozen clay jars under that vegetable patch. Inside were dozens of tiny skulls, some fully fused, some still with soft spots.
The clay jars were not great quality. Most had cracks in them. Obviously, no one used the expensive jars for buying wastes of money.
That vegetable patch was so lush mostly likely because of the nutrition those bones provided.
When the volunteers told her about this, she was fifteen. Some objected, “She’s too young to hear about stuff like this.”
That volunteer lady touched her hearing aid and said, “She’s very brave. She should know the truth of this world.”
She touched her ear too and nodded, “I can hear.”
She could hear again.
Those gentle voices from plants once again began ringing in her ears like a super power.
“You should be like her when you grow up.”
“Don’t be afraid.”
“Hold her hand.”
But these voices, she’d never attribute to plants that are bound to be picked and eaten again.”
Comments ask, “She never thought about telling her powers to her mom. Is it because her mom’s not around anymore?”
An askreddit, “Can you accept someone else blowing our your candles on your birthday?” The top voted reply, “No way. Last year on my birthday, I had just put on my birthday hat, the lights were even out yet, and my 8-year-old cousin blew out my candles.”
“She even had the balls to say that she missed a candle. My face went from confused to furious in all of ten seconds.“
“Nobody else reacted. My sister’s still holding her phone and filming.”
“Seeing as no one else would do anything, I slapped her in the face. She was so shocked it took her a moment to even realise she should start crying.”
“My aunt ran over and held her and asked me why I would hit her over some candles.”
“I took the remaining candle and pushed it into her face. She backed away in fright, but the fire still scorched her.”
“I said, “Go on! Blow it out! Don’t you like blowing them out!?””
“The whole time, no one said anything. My sister was even smiling.”
“This cousin never came over to my house again.”
Comments say, “It’s so typical—making up a story to write revenge porn, but you’re actually super bad at writing so you look like the asshole at the end.”
Experts suggest at the National People’s Congress to add epidurals to medical procedures covered by insurance. Comments say, “There are suggestions every year. Let me know when it actually gets passed.”
“Even recovery from miscarriage, treatment for ectopic pregnancy, or abortions for foetuses with fatal conditions aren’t covered, why would epidurals be? They say everyday they want us to have more kids, but won’t actually do anything to benefit our kids.”
“Every procedure done at a hospital should already be under insurance.”
“Let’s put pregnancy checkups under medical insurance first.”
“Not that you can get epidurals at night or on weekends anyways.”
“It’s so typical—making up a story to write revenge porn, but you’re actually super bad at writing so you look like the asshole at the end.” is a great line from whatever hilarious person who wrote it