After a lot of internet debate, a tiktokker has come out to clarify that the vegetables shown in her videos are, in fact, celery. Although over a thousand people think that it’s cilantro, it is in fact actually celery. It’s a local variety which is much smaller than normal celery, because the area is very flat and rich in water. She claims they taste stronger and are less fibrous than normal celery too.
A blogger reposted a response to the askreddit question, “A lot of girls in Shenzhen require their dates to have a house—is this to change their life through marriage?” This response goes, “I am eternally grateful to Shenzhen!”
“I’m just a fatso. Grew up in Shenzhen, family owns a small factory. Never stood out my entire life, just a normal dude. Had no hopes of ever getting a girlfriend—nobody wants a fatty who’s only 175cm. Even though I went to university out of state, I’ve never actually been on any dates.”
“My family bought a house in Futian in ’98, then one in Nanshan in ’10, and one in Baoan in ’13 for me[all different boroughs of Shenzhen]. Basically, we’ve got three houses in Shenzhen, two of which are under my name. Housing prices were as crazy back then—you could buy a multi-story for 3 million RMB. I’ve got a two-story house, near Daxin. Back then, that was a pretty slummy area. Never thought that the CBD would move towards Nanshan. Now it’s a super posh neighbourhood. Back when I was still going to school in Futian, Nanshan was really rural.”
“”Everything started turning around after I graduated. Started working a few years and found out that having a house in Shenzhen makes you super popular. Especially in Nanshan—a lot of front desk girls are super pretty. Those legs. Those faces. And when my coworkers find out I own a house, they’re all so jealous. There are lots of company events and outings, and I started getting to know my female coworkers, and sleeping with them is so easy as soon as I start posting pictures of my house on social media.”
“I never thought it was so easy to get a date. So, I started constantly changing jobs and banging all kinds of front desk. I told my family I want to live closer to work and moved to my house in Nanshan, and it got even easier to hook up, because I was alone. Joined all kinds of travel groups and gaming communities and probably dated 20 girls in 5 years.“
”I obviously pretend to be serious and mature before I sleep with them. But once we have sex, I stop pretending. If I don’t explore every corner of them, I feel like I didn’t get my money’s worth. No way I’d ever wear a condom—get pills yourself if you’re worried. Most of them can’t stand my degeneracy and break up after a couple of times. But that’s convenient enough for me—I get bored easily anyways, and it’s just time for fresh prey.”
“My family started feeling like I wasn’t making much out of my career though, so they made me go back and start managing our factory. When I was little, the factory was in Shawei, then later Daxin, and then to Shiyan, and now it’s at Guangming. At first, I really wasn’t used to Guangming, because it’s so far outside the city centre.”
“But I’ve been piling up lust for twenty some years, there’s no way I was done after just five. My family bought a Land Rover for me, and I drive it out frequently to get coffee and ask for phone numbers. 6979 and Ten Mile has lots of hot girls [no idea what these locations are, I don’t know much about Shenzhen], and it’s super easy to get their phone numbers. Then, it’s just a matter of making up an excuse to ask them over, like ‘Let’s have dinner’ or ‘I’ve got a home theatre’ or whatever. Either way, as soon as they see I’ve got a two-story, it’s a done deal.”
“Oh, that and posting things like, ‘Remodelling soon’ with a picture of my house on instagram or weibo, and I’ll get a bunch of DMs from girls.”
“The most exciting time was when an insurance agent came to our factory, trying to get us to sign up for insurance for all our workers. I asked her, ‘There are tons of insurance companies, and we’ve got dozens of employees. Why would I buy yours?’ We chatted over Wechat a couple of days, and one night, she told he she got in a fight with her boyfriend and didn’t have any dinner. I bought some KFC for her, and got to fuck that night.”
“Another girl was a nurse. I saw her posting about needing a roommate to rent with, and told her she could live for free at my place. She actually came over. She was a total bombshell in real life, same height as me. Now we’re steady friends with benefits. Every time her safe period comes around, she tells me.”
“Travel groups are fantastic too. I’ll tell one story. There was a girl asking in group chat if anyone’s going travelling in Japan. She was gonna go with her best friend, but the best friend backed out because her boyfriend didn’t wanna go. But this girl had already taken time off work. I saw her photos and thought she looked alright, so I said I’d go. Told her I’d drive her to the airport too. When she saw how fat I was, I saw she was disappointed, but as soon as she saw my car, her eyes lit up. I opened the door for her all gentleman like, put up her luggage, took her to the airport, and she asked me what I was going to do with the car. I told her that’s what long term parking is for, not like it’s expensive. First night we were in Japan, we’d gotten separate hotel rooms. But in the middle of the night, she sent me a text, ‘Why aren’t you over here?’ I knew right away what she meant, rushed over to her room. We fucked every day. On the last day, I’d ran out of condoms. She was screaming, ‘Don’t do it inside!” I wasn’t planning to, but as soon as I heard that, I felt like I was getting cheated if I didn’t. Never contacted her again once the week was up.”
“I signed up for English classes too, and they would organise Singles Nights sometimes. I got to creampie a couple of girls there too. Once I learned about these opportunities, I signed up for all kinds of language classes.”
“Joined a gaming community because I’m into board games. Once, I organised a barbecue on my rooftop and a night of Werewolf. I added everyone who came, about two dozen people. One of them was pretty hot. I took her on a tour of my house and got to have sex with her.”
“For my mom’s birthday, I was going to buy a gold bracelet for her. Went to Chow Tai Fook and noticed the sales lady was pretty good-looking—her booty wasn’t joking around. I told her to show me her wares, and picked out a bracelet about a couple thousand (God, spending that much hurt). I even said at the time, ‘This is so cheap, I’m worried about the quality.’ and the sales lady said they’re an international brand—they’ve got a quality guarantee. I said, ‘Everyone says that when they’re making a sale. I’m getting this for my mom. How about I add you on wechat, and if I have any questions, I can ask you directly?” She agreed, and I bought a necklace that’s a little over 1000 RMB too. When I left, I told her that necklace was a gift for her. She was totally shocked. I said I might ask her a lot of question in the future, and got to talking to her. Told her I’m a good cook, but I’m the only one who ever eats it because I live alone. Told her I just bought some lobster, maybe she can help me finish it. She came over, and I came inside her—definitely gotta go doggy style for that booty.”
“I signed up for dance classes to lose weight. The teacher does a demonstration of the dance every time, and lets us film it so we can practice at home. I saw a good looking girl there and got her wechat. Told her my phone camera is broken and asked if she can send me her video. She agreed. Then, I started sending her videos of me dancing at home and asking her if I was doing it right. I made sure to include the staircase in my house in the background. She asked, “Why do you have a staircase? Do you live in a mansion?” I said, “Nah, just a normal two-story.” She replied right away, “Wow, you must have a big place.” I said, “Yeah, but I’m all alone here.” She often complains that she can’t find a place with mirrors to practice and is too shy to go to a dance studio, so I told her to come over to my house, I’ve got a designated dancing room. I immediately called some people up and had mirrors and a sound system installed. When she came over and we’d done it a couple of times, we even fucked in the dance room. Super thrilling.”
“But this can’t last forever. I’m 35, my family’s pushing for me to get married. I got together with a local girl from Guangming. She’s nothing compared to the bombshells I’ve fucked, but she’s got a bunch of houses to rent out too, so at least I don’t have any lifestyle worries.”
“Either way, I’m so thankful to Shenzhen’s development. Grateful that so many out-of-state girls come to Shenzhen. I’ve fucked girls from Hunan, Sichuan, Jiangxi, Jiangsu, Zhejiang, Shandong, Nanjing, Heilongjiang, Liaoning, Xinjiang, and Taiwan. Never been with anyone from Guangxi. Only my wife is from Guangdong. Honestly, girls from Guangdong kinda suck.”
“So yeah, it’s great to have money. Or, it’s okay to not have money, so long as you bought your house early on. My family works in marble, so even without a lot of money, I can get super fancy decorating. These years, real estate is slowing down, so our business is slowing down too. If we were actually super wealthy, I wouldn’t have to marry my wife at all. Now, I barely have any money left over after paying off all my loans every month. I’ve got to rely on her.”
“I’m just writing all this down in remembrance of my youth, when I could freely sprint under the sun. Once again, thank you Shenzhen, thank you parents for buying houses early on. There’s no way I can afford a house now. Thank you girls for wanting a house. Thank you Shenzhen for growing so quickly.”
“Of course I’m not successful with everyone. There are plenty of lucid girls. I would never break the law. I never forced anyone. It was all consensual. We were all after something.”
“Honestly, Guangdong girls can’t compare. They don’t have looks—their features are all super flat, not like out of state girls. Especially Henan—I notice girls from Henan have super pretty eyes. And girls from the north will have taller noses than southern girls. They’ve got better bodies too. If you have a C-cup in Guangdong, you’re a legend, but C is just average for other states. Not to mention legs or asses. Those are women. Guangdong women, or even Hong Kong women, are basically just men. It’s just a straight line from the shoulders to the hips. No curves at all. I’ve had a girl from Harbin with inverted nipples—I still dream about it sometimes. I’ve got a girl from Hebei with a perfect peach ass—even better than in Japanese animes. I’ve had perfect legs from Nanjing, and tofu skin from Sichuan. You can lay your hand on her legs, and without any effort at all, your hand just slips off. Guangdong and Hong Kong girls have yellow-ish skin too. People go on and on about just okay skin in Shenzhen. They have no idea what true smooth skin is like. Not to mention that godawful Guangdong accent. Forget the women, I feel ashamed even comparing them to out of state men. Out of state men have better skin, better height, and better features. No wonder we were the barbarians in Chinese history.”
“We’re like a kingdom of gnomes who suddenly got visited by a bunch of humans. All the gnomes are all drooling over the hot women, and the female gnomes are over there, all jealous as fuck, and trying to put down the humans for being gold diggers. But in the male gnomes’ eyes, they’re hold no attraction at all. Thank god Shenzhen created a wealthy gnome kingdom, letting us male gnomes be able to break the chains of our DNA and get a taste of humans. Earlier on, there were even lots of gnomes coming over from Hong Kong to buy houses here to get in touch with humans and make sugar babies out of them.”
“Got a check up before marrying—everything turned out good. And I’ve been shackled after marriage and forced to live a normal life with a rich female gnome.”
The blogger comments on this story as, “This reminds me of the joke of a bunch of farmers talking about what it must be like to be the Emperor. And they come to the conclusion that the Emperor must till his fields with a golden hoe.”
“Do you know what kind of bracelet a couple of thousand bucks gets you at Chow Tai Fook? It would be thin as paper. If you really have a Land Rover, you could lose a couple of thousand bucks in the cracks of your couch cushion and never notice—and you spend this kind of spare change on a birthday gift for your mom?”
“You bought a thousand-dollar necklace for the sales lady. I made the most generous estimation I could, and that necklace is still at most maybe 4, 5 grams? Is that a necklace, or is that just a gold thread? And you want to shock a Chow Tai Fook sales agent with a thousand bucks? Do you know how much they make in commission?”
“In 2010, Nanshan houses were 22,000RMB per square metre. So for 3 million RMB, discounting common areas, you own a…what, 60 square metre house? That gets you all kinds of mad pussy? Any area with a ceiling under 2.2m doesn’t count in house area, but are you living in a 120 square metre house with a ceiling under 2.2 metres? What does your house look like, a flat box?
“You say Daxin is super rural, when the Technological Park was built in 98, and Tencent and Huawei headquarters have been stationed there since 08. Guess what the housing prices look like in 2010? It would only be way more expensive than that 22,000RMB per square metre in Nanshan.”
“How the hell do you hold a 20-people Werewolf game in a house that’s only 60 square metres? How do you squeeze a dance room into a 60 square metre house? Did you just install a bigger mirror in your bathroom?”
“How can you be steady friends with benefits with a nurse, when you say you’ve been shackled since marriage and now live a normal life?”
“A rich lady in Guangming with multiple houses to rent—why would she ever marry a 175cm fatty who needs her income to stay alive? What, for that marble processing factory that employs all of a couple of dozen people? Or that luxurious 60 square metre mansion in Nanshan?”
“If both your wife and yourself are local Shenzhen people, especially with your life coming from Guangming and being a landlord with deep roots in the area, why would you go on and on about Shenzhen being a barbarian area, and praise how Henan women are beautiful? And think that Cantonese accents sound bad?”
“Not to mention all the problems with timeline—you claim to post about remodelling your house on Chinese instagram and get a lot of DMs, but Chinese instagram isn’t even a thing until 2019. You say you date around on 6979, but that website didn’t start until 2020. You’re over 35. 175cm for a Guangdong man born in the 80s is well above average. You’re over 35 now and live an honest life after marriage, but three years ago, you were in your twenties?”
“In conclusion, my profile of the author of this post is thus: Male, from the great plains region of China, in his twenties, freshly graduated or still a college student. Came to Shenzhen at most 3 years ago, around 2020. Works in repetitive manual labour and doesn’t know much about Shenzhen, doesn’t know any Shenzhen locals, doesn’t have any friends born in Shenzhen. Doesn’t have Shenzhen residency or a HongKong/Taiwan visa permit. Never been to Hong Kong more than 5 times.”
“Doesn’t have much of a social life and is prejudiced against Guangdong people. Around 175cm in height, slightly balding, slightly chubby, a virgin. Has dated less than twice, frequently masterbates, has a fetish for front desk workers. Blames lack of success in dating to women all being gold diggers. May have a cuckold fetish.”
“No experience in finance. Has less than 2000 RMB remaining every month after rent and bills. Daydreams about marrying into wealth, but knows it’ll never happen, and thus often goes on about how “Guangdong women are all gnomes. I wouldn’t fuck them even if they paid me.””
Comments say, “This is a very valuable lesson in why it’s important to research before writing short stories.”
A post talking about, “I just found out why Thailand has such a bad relationship with Saudi Arabia. This is such exciting gossip! Apparently, a Thai worker stole 30 kilograms of gold and jewellery from a Saudi prince. He reported it to the Thai police, and the Thai police returned to him a bunch of fake jewellery! So the Saudi prince sent 3 diplomats to do their own investigation, and Thailand killed all three of them! And then, and then! You can see the Thai royalty and politicians wearing those jewellery pieces at formal banquets! Holy crap! There’s even a 50 carat blue diamond like that one from the Titanic!”
Comments adds more details, “After that, the Saudis pulled all their investments out of Thailand.”
“Those jewels were worth a combined 20 million US. The most expensive piece is that 50-carat blue diamond—the largest in the world.”
“Thai royal family is super gross. The King has a bunch of concubines.”
An askreddit, “What’s it like for a baby to be without their mom?” The top reply is, “I had a classmate in middle school who not only never had a mom, but never had a dad. She taught me that children have to go through every imaginable suffering in the world if they don’t have parents.”
“Most other girls in school would have neat braids and pigtails. I noticed her because she had the messiest pony tail. Her pig tails were always uneven. Even her hair was split all crooked, like she’d done it herself. Obviously, she didn’t have any adult help and had to figure out everything for herself.”
“It was after we were classmates for a month that I heard from the teacher how hard her life was. When she was just 6 months old, her parents were hit by a truck while riding their motorcycle on a road with no cameras. The truck drove off and both her parents died. It was the 90s back then, so cameras were really rare.”
“After her parents passed away, her family fell apart, leaving just her 55-year-old grandma and her. No compensation, no savings, they had to rely on welfare checks. From 6 months old, she was fed on rice and millet porridge, and some vegetables that her grandma would pre-chew for her. She got to the point where she can toddle along and started helping her grandma pick discarded vegetable leafs.”
“Those days, there weren’t any trash you could collect. Her grandma would take her to the village market and pick up rotten and discarded fruit and vegetables that nobody wanted. They’d cut out the bad part of the fruit and she’d eat the rest, and the vegetables are for stir-frying.”
“Their rice and oil came from village food banks. They saved all their welfare checks for medical expenses and school expenses. She picked vegetables until she was 6 and could start going to primary school.”
“There wasn’t free education yet back then. Each semester was 80 RMB or so, but the school waived it for her. Her dad’s relatives crowd-funded a couple of new outfits, and her grandma bought her a book bag, and she started school.”
“She’d get bullied all the time for being an orphan. But as soon as any teacher found out about the bullying, they’d pull the bully out at flag-raising every morning and scold them in front of the whole school and tell their parents. Usually, those bullies’ parents would beat them too. Soon enough, everyone knew to avoid her.”
“The teachers were always extra-nice to her, bought her study materials and pencils and stuff. They’d visit her house all the name in the name of “parent-teacher conferences” to see if they needed anything.”
“Around 10th grade, her grandma passed away too. She was in her 70s, got a stroke, and died very quickly. I remember she took 3 days off school. When she returned, her eyes were horribly swollen, and she’d bury her face in her desk and cry all the time.”
“She was alone in the world.”
“From that day, the teachers would take turns walking her home. About a 20 minute walk, sometimes they’d let her ride on their bicycles. They’d make sure she’d locked her door before they would leave.”
“She managed to get into the worst high school in town and started boarding there. She got tuition waived again, and even got a 100 RMB a month subsidy. After another three years, she got into a normal state college. But she didn’t go. She packed up and got a job.”
“I could never forget her. She was cowardly, shy, never put her hand up during class, never got into fights with people. If she got bullied, all she knew how to do was cry. She doesn’t remember what her parents look like. She had a single faded wedding picture of them. Her clothes never fit, and were super varied in style. They were all gifts from various relatives.”
“She stumbled through the first 20 years of her life and married at 21. Her uncle found a husband for her, it was a local guy. That way, if they fought, she wouldn’t be bullied too bad. If she married too far away, she would get abused to death with her personality.”
“She was pretty obedient. Married a classmate from the same village. I hear they’re getting along pretty well.”
“The uncle took 50K in bride price, then added a bit of his own money, and gave her a dowry of 68K. Her kid’s in primary school too. That kid’s much luckier—they’ve got both their parents, and their parents never fight.”
“The whole village is watching over her. If her husband fights with her at all, the whole village will start gossiping about how he’s bullying an orphan.”
“I feel like that’s not a bad marriage to have.”
The fake-story guy sounds like such an asshole. Also getting laid after buying KFC for a woman? It just adds to the impossibility of the whole thing.