A response to the trending topic #What’s it like to have a kid?, “We had a sitting-the-month maid with us for the first month, and felt like it was super easy to take care of the baby. She eats and she sleeps, and we have our lives more or less as normal. Afternoon of the 10th, the maid left, and we have to take care of the baby ourselves. At night, all I feel is despair and breakdown. She’s screaming and I don’t know how to comfort her at all. By the time she finally calms down, it feels like I barely get two seconds of sleep before she’s up again and needs to eat. My wife pats me, and before my brain’s even fully engaged, my body is moving. I can’t deal with her crying at all.”
“I don’t know if she’s just got a different temperament, but her crying is much worse. It feels like she’s using every last ounce of her strength. Even her scalp gets red when she cries. I feel bad just looking at her.”
“I’ve been doing this for a week now and finally feel like I’m getting the hang of it. Just now, my wife laid down to sleep, the baby’s crying again. My wife’s changing her diaper while I’m making a bottle. But the water heater’s temperature is at 70 degrees, so I’m shaking the bottle like crazy trying to get the water to cool down, and the baby is screaming until she’s red in the face, and my wife is crying with her.”
“Raising a baby is much harder than I imagined. God give me more patience, so I can take care of my wife and daughter.”
A post saying, “ENFPs should really try eating oranges while showering. It’s fucking great.” is going viral. Someone describes the experience to a friend as, “It honestly feels like I’m a monkey in a rainforest. You can’t start eating it right away. You have to turn the shower up real high and wait until it gets super hot and steamy. When you’re starting to feel like it’s a little hard to breathe, peel open the orange. The scent of orange is going to explode in the shower. And then take a big bite out of it! Cold orange juice is going to flow down your arms, but it doesn’t matter, because the water will wash it away immediately. And as you’re just tearing into this orange, you feel like you’ve never been so free!”
In the comments, people are making geography-based jokes. Someone from Sichuan says, “But I’m worried my pet panda is going to sneak in and steal the orange from me.” Someone from Shandong says, “I take green onion burritos with me. With the heat and steam, it really brings out the fragrance of green onions. Make me feel like a little bee in a field full of green onions.” Someone from Yunnan says, “I just take a bath in spicy soup.” Someone from Shaanxi says, “We just keep a terracotta soldier in every shower, in case you get lonely.”
Today is officially “Spring” in the Chinese lunar calendar, the best season for admiring flowers. In the comments, people are showing off pictures of their local flowers in bloom. Mostly cherry and pear blossoms, it seems like.
A video showing the filmer telling a man at the neighbouring table at a restaurant to stop smoking, and this man demands what right he has to tell him what to do, eventually standing up and threatening him. Blogger says, “Does the restaurant have a no-smoking sign? I just look for that. If you can’t stand smoking, find a restaurant that doesn’t allow smoking and report anyone smoking to the restaurant owner. They’ll take care of it. If the owner doesn’t take care of it, call the police. Don’t confront people yourself—you never know what kind of crazy person they are.”
Comments agree, “People all have rights. If there aren’t any no-smoking signs, then he’s allowed to smoke. You can’t infringe on what other people are and aren’t allowed to do based on your preferences.”
To the question, “Have you ever had an emotional break down?” Someone replied, “Yeah, and it was over some strawberries. I mentioned off-hand to my dad one day over dinner, “Those strawberries my uncle gave us were pretty good. Let him know that I really liked them.”
My mom asked, “What would you say something like that? Your aunt is already unhappy that your uncle’s constantly bringing us gifts. Why do you have to keep causing conflicts for their family? What do you even mean by that? You like them, so what, he has to keep buying them for you?”
I said, “I didn’t mean anything by it. They were tasty. My uncle brought them a long way, wouldn’t he be happy if he heard how much we liked them?”
My mom said, “Have you even considered what if your uncle heard you like them, so he sends another huge crate? You’re making your own money, why not buy them yourself?”
At this point, the atmosphere around the table has sunken to icy silence.
My dad stared at me and at my mom and didn’t know what to say.
I drew in a deep breath and tried to end this rapidly spiralling topic. “Fine, just ask him what kind of strawberries these are, from what brand. I’ll buy them myself.”
My mom said, “So you’re gonna eat strawberries every day? Do you have any idea how much a case of strawberries cost?”
I felt like there was a ball of cotton stuck in my veins. Every breath I sucked in hurt like needles in my lungs, but my airway was still blocked. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Soon, my mom realised I wasn’t happy. After the meal, she called me over to look at Chinese craigslist and showed me all the listings for strawberries, “Do you feel like this is the same as what you ate? This is only xx dollars per pound. Will it do? Open the entry and look at it…”
By this point, what do you think my family’s financial situation is? We must be dirt poor, right? With mountains of debt?
No.
Both my mom and my dad are fully employed. I’ve been making money since I was sixteen and have been financially independent since sophomore year of college. We have an old house that we’re renting, a house we’re living in, and a new house that just finished construction. I don’t know how much they have in savings. But I have a bit of savings myself, at least enough to support myself.
We’re not fantastically wealthy, but we’re nowhere near poor. How strange is it? That my mom would ask me, “You’re gonna eat strawberries every day?” in disbelief?
Why not? Why can’t I? Why do I need to feel ashamed for wanting to eat strawberries?
Long ago, my mom even said to me, “I sometimes feel it’s weird that you like cherries and like strawberries. Is it because you actually like them, or is it just because they’re expensive? Why don’t you like eating apples or bananas? Thank god you can make money, because there’s no way your dad and I can keep up with this fruit expense when we’re paying off a new house for you.”
Yes, my family spends money. But every cent of money has to go somewhere that “makes sense”. Why not spend money? My mom and dad always have a fantastic excuse—because they’re saving up for my dowry. They’re making every dollar last as far as possible to get a house for me.
I’ve said I’m not going to get married. I don’t mind renting for the rest of my life. I don’t like the new house’s location. I can make my own money…I don’t need them to make every dollar last. And I certainly don’t need them to force me to make every dollar last.
I’ve always struggled with eating. All my friends know is that my mom is a fantastic cook who can make anything under the sun, but they don’t know the struggle. I’ll name two random examples.
One, my family has a rule that you have to finish your plate down to the last grain of rice. But in primary school and middle school, I had no way of estimating how much I could actually eat. Every time I’d leave a bite of food, my mom would bang on the bowl and scold me, “What a waste! Are you going to die if you eat just one more bite? How about you cook next time? I asked you how much you wanted. Do you eat like this when you go be a guest at other people’s places too? Why don’t you just tell me honestly how much food you wanted?” So I’d have to stuff the food in, too afraid to argue back. This caused me to gain a lot of weight throughout middle and high school, because I’m always being forced to eat.
Two, I didn’t have any spending money in primary school. I’m far from the only one in that situation, but like all kids, I’m tempted by snacks. But I can’t get any money. Thankfully, I had good grades—consistently in the top five in my grade. So I can let my classmates copy off of my work, and they’d give me some of their money. I recalled clearly that after school, everyone would gather in the front yard and play while waiting to get picked up. One day, my classmate asked me, “I’m gonna go get some snacks. Do you want any?” I was afraid of my mom finding out, but I wanted snacks, so stressed out and anxious, I thought as fast as I could.
“I want some fig jerky.” I said.
“Sure.”
My classmate was a pretty generous boy. He bought spicy strips, instant noodles, candy twists, and my fig jerky. But Murphy’s Law came into effect. Just as I began to dig in, my mom came riding on her scooter.
Guess what my immediate kneejerk reaction was?
I threw that package away instantly.
But my mom still found out. She made me pick it back up and bring it back. She found out my classmate bought it for me and made me apologise to him. That really freaked him out. Then, sitting on the back of my mom’s scooter, I finished those fig jerky while crying. The salt of my tears mixed with the tart sweetness of the figs.
I’ve had so many experiences like these. When I was sixteen, I submitted a story to a magazine and made my first paycheque: 930 dollars, or roughly infinite money for a middle schooler. I’d just learned how to online shop, so I bought several porcelain necklaces (some as gifts for friends), fake vampire teeth, coloured contacts, and a traditional hanfu.
The rest I could hide and give away, but the hanfu was a huge package. I didn’t dare bring it home, because I knew my mom would find it. So I hid it in my best friend’s house for half a year. I’ve hid lots of secrets in this best friend’s house. Most of my treasured clothes and toys, she got to put on and play with first before I could find a way to launder it into my life. Usually whenever my mom is in a good mood, or a holiday is coming up, or relatives or friends visit from afar.
And when I would sneak stuff home, my mom’s colleagues and friends would praise me, “Wow, your kid’s already making money?” But at the same time, they’d question me, “What is this? Some kind of TV costume? How are you going to wear it out?”
I was into lots of hanfu, J-fashion, lolita…And I supported all those hobbies with my writing and art. And later, when I became an adult and looked back on those communities, I saw a lot of young girls being conned out of their money or worse, and most internet commenters are saying, “What irresponsible parents.” or “What vain kids.”
But honestly, it’s not that parents are irresponsible. It’s just that most of them have branded ideas like, “Don’t spend money.” “Don’t be materialistic.” “We’re not a well-off family.” into your bones, and let you shackle yourself in your own guilt, and suppress those desires. And one day, when you can’t suppress anymore, all of those desires are going to come exploding out, and any random stranger can con you into doing just about anything to fulfil them.
Who isn’t vain? The solution was never going to be teaching people to suppress themselves forever. We need to face our desires and acknowledge our limits. We should be teaching kids how to find a balance between what they can afford and what they want.
I feel a lot better after writing all this. Though the whole reason I’ve written this is because a new conflict has come up in my household—the air conditioner. The last couple of days, the weather where I live has been weird. It’s still cold in the evenings and early mornings, but during the day, my room faces the sun and gets super hot. I can’t take it and ask to open the AC.
My mom said, “Who else would start using the AC while heating hasn’t even ended? What would people think?”
I said, “There are still people wearing winter coats walking around outside. Would you ever go up and ask why they’re wearing a coat?””
Comments say, “It was never about how much things cost. It’s that they never assume you have good intentions. Every time, they assume the worst from their children.”
A blogger responds to the trending topic #is it reasonable that minors under 14 can’t be prosecuted? by saying, “Of course not. This rule doesn’t fit with modern society at all. With increased childhood nutrition, puberty is happening earlier and earlier. Crimes that could never happen 20 years ago are taking place now—like minors raping and murdering people. Because a 14-year-old “child” is now more than capable of it physically, and the internet has prepared many of them mentally.”
“When large numbers of children have the full capability of doing crimes and the knowledge that no matter what, they can’t be held responsible for it, then it’s inevitable that they will do crimes.”
“If we don’t amend this law or make a new one governing this situation, then we’re putting actual children into a lawless jungle where they cannot depend on the government, and their parents cannot protect them. Because if their parents defend them, it’ll be their parents who are in violation of the law. That is fucking ridiculous.”
“Look at the age of criminal responsibility in other countries: Scotland, 10. England, 10. Netherlands, 12. Canada, 12. America, 0-11. Australia, 10. Hong Kong, 10. New Zealand, 10. Switzerland, 10. Ireland, 12. Belgium, 12. Israel, 12. And many more countries don’t have an age of criminal responsibility. It’s just determined by the nature of the crime involved, and whether it can be proven that the child knew what they were doing. They’re only not held responsible if it’s proven that they really didn’t know that it was wrong, or that they didn’t know what they had done.
And most countries that don’t hold minors criminally responsible don’t just throw children who have committed serious crimes home. They put the child into therapy, they put them under watch, they investigate the home environment.
According to studies, there are two types of criminals among teenagers—one is repeat offenders, who begin showing antisocial tendencies during puberty (or even childhood) whose behaviour continues after adulthood. These people are criminals for life. Another are people who only commit crimes during teenager years out of rebellion—but these people almost never do serious crimes. They mostly only test the boundaries of the law. And studies show that children who show problematic behaviour have a much higher chance of showing antisocial behaviour once they’re gown up, and have much higher risks for violent and criminal behaviour.
Though I think we can all agree that juvie is a terrible idea. Locking a bunch of young criminals together is just going to train them all to be better criminals. That’s been proven in studies too.
Comments say, “Yeah, I don’t think it’s necessary to protect underage criminals at all, at least not in criminal law. Because most of the time, the victims of underage crime are underage themselves. So these criminals shouldn’t get protection.”
Typo: "money in a rainforest" should be "monkey in a rainforest."