2/25/23 - Don't make fun of China or Chinese-style parenting based off of limited stereotypes.
Man writes about his experience training his wife. She used to order him around all the time, asking him to hang clothes up to dry, get a glass of water for her, this and that. After they had a kid together, he’s been making her learn how to fend for herself. For example, after work, he’ll lie and say he’s working overtime and wait until she’s done bathing the baby before he comes home—meanwhile, he’s just playing with his phone at KFC. During the weekend, he stays in his room with headphones in, gaming as much as he can, that way he can’t hear her calling for him. You’ll discover your wife has more potential than you think if you push her far enough—now she can do just about everything by herself. Of course, you’ve got to give her a little shred of hope every now and then, get her a glass of hot water and say, “Good job, sweetie.” It might be a little scummy, but it works, she never bothers him anymore.
A video of an anti-kidnapping drill at daycare, where one kiddo not only successfully isn’t tricked by the kidnapper, but consistently rescues other kids from him. Just a video of this 4-year-old running around the room, slapping other kid’s hands away from proffered chocolates and pulling them back into the class when they try to leave with the kidnapper (dressed as an evil clown).
A Chinese blogger had previous bragged about her daughter who got admitted to Yale, but it’s going to cost her a million RMB a year. Her post has gone viral for some reason, and now she’s getting a lot of comments from overseas Chinese people making fun of her, saying that she sounds arrogant and insecure. She responds that yeah, she is exactly that—she never even got into university herself. Even community college is something that she can only dream about. So she has a natural sort of awe towards the idea of university. She’s going to support her daughter through it no matter how expensive it is. But yeah, it is super expensive, so she’s insecure. And yet, because she’s making more money writing blogs than her classmates who had gone to college, she’s not sure how important uni is, and thinks that a degree is really just a piece of paper, so she’s feeling a little arrogant too.
What’s wrong with wanting to show off? Isn’t it normal to yell it to the world both when you’re overjoyed and when you’re really sad? All her commenters come off really lacking empathy. When she just started making money, she used to send money to her grandma. Though she could’ve easily arranged a bank transfer, she still decided to send cash through the mail, because that way, the mailman will stand outside her grandma’s door and loudly yell, “MRS DENG, YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER SENT MONEY!” And her grandma said that it’s the highlight of her week. She always pretends to not be at home and make the mailman repeat himself several times before going out to get it. Her daughter heard of this story and completely understands that need to show off to people around you, and she consented to every post about her.
There’s a lot of people warning that, “Careful your daughter never comes back to China again—you’ll still die sad and alone.” She reassures them that she’s more than capable of making herself happy whether her daughter is around or not. She doesn’t require that her daughter pay her back financially. She doesn’t have any demands or expectations of her. She just wishes that her daughter will have the opportunity to learn the tools to also make herself happy and live the life she wants. She’s always said to her daughter that by coming to this world, she’s already helped her mommy become a better person, she doesn’t owe her mommy anything.
She finishes by asking that Chinese people overseas not make fun of China or Chinese-style parenting based off of limited stereotypes about what China is like. Don’t forget where you’re from.
Man gets into massive argument with his girlfriend over whether to buy a diamond ring for their engagement, or just to buy gold. He writes massive essays about how diamonds lose half their value as soon as you leave the store and most of it is artificially pumped up by diamond companies. Comments are full of people asking why he cares about an engagement ring losing value—is he planning on selling it soon?
Blogger says that she’s been seeing a lot of comments with an IP address in Zhejiang or Beijing of women saying that they’re single-children, their parents bought a house and a car for them, and all their friends are the same. She says this is great, because that means that area at least has a social norm that whatever a son gets, a daughter should also get. That’s what it means to be fair. This also sends a signal to girls from rural regions that “You’ve got a backup plan in the city”. So long as you go to a city and manage to settle down there, you’ll always have a backup in life.
A man’s backup is different though. She’s heard lots of men say, “Well, worst case scenario, I go back to my hometown. I’ve still got a couple of acres of land there.” Girls don’t have this option, because all the land back home belongs to their brothers.
The blogger wants to briefly educate people about land ownership in rural China—it’s tied to a “hukou”, sort of a family-ID/state or village citizenship. Even today in China, there is a sentiment in rural villages that land is community land.
Back in this blogger’s grandpa’s generation, once all the men in your generation in your family are adults, you’d apply to “split the family”, and you’d apply for land from the village to build a house for yourself. This would be free, if somewhat remote. This way, a village slowly expands. Then, land would be assigned to each household according to population. This continued to her father’s generation, at which point the village began to run out of land. But this only applies to men—what happens to the women? The women marry, and their husbands can apply for land and build a house, and they must rely on him.
Now, when it comes to her generation, there is no longer any free land, but you can still buy and sell between villagers, the price going anywhere from six to seven figures for just the land itself. But only residents of the village can own land in it. And you can only become a resident by owning land. Thus causing a close loop—outsiders can only ever rent. And this land is permanent ownership—so long as it doesn’t get eminent domained, it remains in your family forever. No inheritance tax, even.
Unlike in the city, where inheritance is split evenly among all children, in a village, property is tied to your family ID. Only after men get married, can they get a family ID, and the village will approve of how much land he is allowed to own by how many people are on his family ID. But when a woman marries, instead of getting her own family ID, she is merely moved from her parent’s family ID to her husband’s. Once she is off of her parent’s family ID, any land in that village no longer has anything to do with her.
As a result, she doesn’t have a sense of belonging anywhere. Any real estate her parents have are going to her brother. And whether she can rely on the use of her husband’s real estate entirely depends on whether their marriage can last.
Is it impossible to find a man who’s willing to marry into your family and be on your family ID? Well, it’s not impossible. But being able to count on their parent’s inheritance, there’s rarely a man desperate enough to do it.
Owning real estate in cities and owning real estate in villages is two completely different concepts in China. People will laugh at you if you build a house when you only have a daughter, because you can’t pass it down. What can you do if you can’t pass it down? You have to sell it before you die. Because if there is no inheritor, then it’ll just get reclaimed by the village when you die and given to the next person to apply for a house for free. Even if you somehow work out a way for your daughter to inherit the house, should it ever get eminent domain’d, she won’t get any money out of it. The village will get the sum amount of damages for all the houses eminent domain’d, and split it equally with all the residents, and your daughter isn’t a resident of this village.
But if you go to a city and buy a house, you don’t have to worry about anything concerning a family ID—the law will protect your rights to your property.
A video showing off a man baking a loaf of bread that looks exactly like a fish. When he fillets it, there’s even pieces of bread shaped like fish bones inside it.
A thread of people discussing Disney’s live action Little Mermaid, how the plot is changed so that the little mermaid isn’t leaving the sea just for a man. Many people comment that wasn’t the original fairytale already about how the little mermaid was primarily after an immortal soul? Because mermaids live for 300 years but they have no soul and don’t go to heaven. Someone comments that, “If we’re going to ignore the original story, then why just make it about the little mermaid’s own freedom? Why not write about how she leaves the ocean and overthrows the monarchy and ends serfdom and brings freedom for everyone?”
A video of a lady hand-making a three-storey tall house for her cat in her yard from scratch. I have linked the video so you can be as impressed as I am.