12/31/23 - And even Qinghua Professors can’t solve some of the olympic maths they do in sixth grade.
“My cousin-in-law just passed away and everyone said she didn’t have any regrets left. When I heard the news, my heart was very heavy. But I heard from my parents that everyone in the village remarked, “She doesn’t have any regrets.” And I just felt so frustrated for her from the bottom of my heart. How could she not have any regrets? Is it because she’s finished all her tasks of taking care of her parents and marrying well as a daughter, taking care of her husband as a wife, taking care of her in-laws as a DIL, and taking care of two sons to adulthood as a mother, and taking care of her grandchildren as a grandmother? Is that all?
She always opened the TV for us with a smile. She always shows up first when we need help. She’s always preparing all kinds of food for us kids. She never gets mad at anybody. She’s always kind and gentle. She’s hardworking and makes money by lifting concrete, and gets off of work to take care of a whole family.
All her life, the only sunrises she’s ever seen was when she was out getting hay and firewood from the hill in her hometown. The only sunsets she’s ever seen is coming home from the fields. The farthest she’s travelled is to Xiamen, 100km away. The most beautiful night view she’s ever seen was just an ordinary night to me in Xiamen. The most expensive clothes she ever wore was when her son got married, and she spent less than 500 RMB on her outfit. The best bag she’s ever carried was the plastic bags from a supermarket. The first time she ate cherries was when her DIL came over for their first New Years. The most expensive meal she’s ever eaten was the wedding banquet in the city. Sure, she’s easy to satisfy, but I’m sure she had regrets.”
She would also scroll around on tiktok while sighing that she’s never been out of state. She’ll also ask what kind of fruit this is, that she’s never seen it. She’ll also remark she can’t believe anyone buys clothes and bags that expensive. She’ll ask why the steaks they show on TV are different from the ones we eat. She’s never experienced and explored this world before she ended her life. In this life, she was somebody’s daughter, somebody’s wife, somebody’s mother and grandmother, but she was never herself. She was good to everyone, but never learned how to treat herself well. She has too many regrets, but no one in the village can see them, because most of them have lived similar lives.
There’s one less brick now in the wall that makes up my life. My dear cousin-in-law, I hope you can be someone who truly has no regrets in your next life…”
There’s a compilations of comments to this post, “A woman who’s had her blood sucked dry. And the people who ate her up said, “She tasted alright.””
“Everyone who profited off of her shares responsibility.”
“Three months after my mother passed away from illness, my dad married somebody else. And this person was introduced to him by my uncle and auntie [on the dad’s side]. Even when I was little, I knew my mom and this auntie didn’t get along. She was always bullying my mom. I never thought that they would introduce this auntie’s younger sister to my dad once my mom was gone. It’s been over 10 years now, and I still hate myself for not fighting more. I hate that my mom has to suffer such humiliation even after she’s dead.”
“Growing up, my neighbour’s grandma spent her whole life having kid sand raising kids and helping to raise grandkids. Worked her whole life, and just got ran over by a car a while back. The guy who did it paid 180K. A lot of people say my neighbour had a great grandma, but nobody talks about how hardworking she was. That no amount of money would bring her back. They all thought she at least went out in a way that was worth it. God, I don’t know what to say.”
“My mom just told me today that it doesn’t matter if women can make money or not, a good woman brings luck to three generations. Maybe it’s just from her own POV, that she raised two good daughters, she poured her all into her family, and my grandma and grandpa really like her too. She takes care of all her relationships. But I just was to live my own life.”
“I’ve got a cousin-in-law too. My cousin is an alcoholic domestic abuser, so she wanted to get a divorce with him. He didn’t make any money either, and can’t pay for their two kids. And once, while some relatives were over having dinner at my place, I heard a whole table of my seniors talk about how to stop my cousin-in-law from getting a divorce. They suggested having the two kids go to her and cry and throw a tantrum, and tell her that they’re getting bullied for not having a mom. It made me really sad listening to that. When a woman is suffering in her marriage, with an alcoholic, abusive husband, nobody cares what she’s going through. These people just want to tie her down with her love for her children. But they don’t have any expectations or demands of the actual person at fault in this marriage. Thankfully, they did get divorced in the end.”
“Not having any regrets means she’s not of anymore use to anyone.”
“Lol. An old lady died in the garage in my community, and she laid there for several days. She had three sons and none of them were willing to take her to the crematorium. In the end, they ended up having too, since she was starting to stink the whole place up. And all my grandma said was that at least there was somebody to take her away when she died. What the fuck, man.”
“This reminds me of another post, where this 45-year-old lady wanted to go to adult college, and her whole family was against it. Her children said they already had plans for her to help raise their kids. Isn’t that what she wants anyways? The pitter patter of little feet?”
“A female student from Fudan University [top 3 university in China] shared her experience: her parents invested at least a million RMB in her raising her. When it was time for her to be married, her mother deliberately brought up 188K in bride price. And her boyfriend wasn’t willing to put up that much money, and they ended up breaking up.
This girl said that her family doesn’t lack for money. The only reason they wanted a bride price was to observe the guy’s attitude. Her mom promised that even if the guy paid the bride price, she’d let her take it with her into her new little family. And after she graduated and started working, she’s making 200K a year now too. She’d make back her bride price in just a year, so it’s not like her husband would be losing out or anything. She believes that if people didn’t have to work to obtain something, then they don’t end up treasuring it.
Her POV has drawn a lot of controversy on the internet. Some people agree, and think that bride price is traditional anyways, and is a good way for a man to show his sincerity and determination. And some people disagree, that bride price should be set according to both party’s financial situation, and not as a test for someone’s attitude.
Basically, I just think this is a really interesting take about marriage and the value of treasuring something. Of course, everyone’s experience and opinion is gonna be different, so we need to have rational discussions, and find a set of values and marriage that suits each of us.”
Comments say, “They’re just not in the same class. The man is poor, and she’s too rich. They’re not right for each other to begin with, and they’d never be happy together long term.”
“It’s Quantum Bride Price again. When the man doesn’t want to give it, her attitude collapses to, “I just wanted to see his attitude.” But if he really paid it, her attitude will collapse to, “But I actually want it.” What does it matter to the man’s family whether or not she lacks money? What if he lacks money?”
“She’s worth that price though. If you’re not willing to invest even a single year of her pay, then you’re either not suitable for her or you don’t want her that much.”
A tiktok video showing how Japanese people kill fish, which is by gently holding their hand over the fish’s eyes and stroking backwards along the fish’s body [and this somehow makes the fish stop flopping around and lay still? Like some kind of fish hypnotism?] and then rapidly striking behind the fish’s head with a steel hook, killing it instantly.
Comments say, “Yup, it’s just like Japanese people, all polite up front, but they’re vicious underneath.”
“Yup, this is typical Jap cruelty.”
“So what’s the actual humane way to kill fish, then?”
“Has no one in here actually killed fish before? We always cut the fish open while it’s still alive to pull out all the intestines, then strip the scales, all in the pursuit of freshness. They’re still flopping around when they go into the frying pan. Actually killing them beforehand like in the video is pretty merciful.”
“Farted next to my dog.”
Comments say, “Dogs have 1200 times the sense of smell that humans have. So this is like you squat next to him and farted 1200 times.”
“He’d rather cover up his nose instead of just leaving. Look how much he loves you. Good doggie. Bad human.”
An askreddit question, “Where do people in ancient times get all the firewood they need to cook their food?”
There’s an extremely long reply that quotes a lot of history book passages to provide citations. I’ll summarise the answer as best as I can, “If you live in the cities, you paid for firewood. And there were people who would professionally chop down firewood and cut it up nice and neat and sell to city folk. Usually, if you’re a city near a hilly, foresty area, there’s more than enough firewood on the mountains to last everybody a lifetime, so it’s relatively sustainable.
But for large cities in plains areas, like the Northern Song capital, biggest city in the world at its time, it was a much bigger problem. It got to the point where lumberjacks had to travel 15-25km away every day to get firewood, and of course that caused firewood to rise in price, and everyone was full of complaints. Thankfully, for the most part, major cities in ancient times used to be built on rivers. And while it’s expensive to transport lumber overland, it’s not that bad sending it down the river. And the Northern Song capital was very close to Shanxi, so they had plenty of access to coal too. Northern Song nobility even invented a method for crushing coal into powder and mixing pear juices into it, and forming it back into coal blocks again. Supposedly, this neutralised the poisonous gases inside coal, and will release a sweet pear smell as it burned.
For rural people, so long as you’re willing to work hard, you’ll have plenty of firewood. Aside from trees, all kinds of brush work for fires too. If you’ve got some free time, you can go up the hill and get yourself some. It would’ve theoretically been easier to use straw from their own fields, but alas, there were taxes on ancient times, not just on income, but on goods too, like cloth and straw. And you’ve got to save some of it for your own livestock to eat too. So there’s surprisingly little left for making fire with.
Farmers in the plains region north of the Huai River have a much harder time, because it’s flat plains as far as the eye can see, filled with nothing but farmland. Firewood was rare and precious, and they had to use straw for cooking. And that shit took up tons of space and didn’t produce much heat. It took forever to cook anything, and you had to save up as much as you could for the winter and your livestock. And that’s why the food in that region is mostly bread and tortilla based. It just took less heat to cook than noodles. The amount of fuel needed to boil a whole pot of water could make enough tortillas to last for a week.
And their winters are much harsher, because it took at least a hundred pounds of straw to warm up your house. Unless you’re a massive landlord, you can’t possible afford that shit. So most people would just use whatever leftover heat is produced from cooking to prevent from actual freezing to death, and mostly rely on quilts and shaking to keep warm. This is why northern cities double their patrols every winter, both to prevent fires from burning down the whole city, and to prevent too many people from freezing to death and making their numbers look bad.
These areas really had very extreme treatments through history too. They either get the best of everything or the worst. In peaceful times, the northern plains and central plains of China produced more food than could be eaten. But they’re fucked any time there’s war. Every single rebel army is gunning for these massive granaries. And when multiple forces clash in absolute chaos, these regions get fucked over and over again, and get frequently covered in bones, with not a cock to crow for 500km. Every change of Dynasty, they get screwed first.
It’s even worse in the modern day. Most of the provinces that are predominantly agricultural has no mineral assets and poor transportation infrastructure, and they’re also being crushed by cheap imported food. They’re always the last to benefit from the dividends of the times.”
Comments say, “Even up until 2000, a lot of the rural villages in the plains areas are still cooking with firewood, with some wheat and corn stalks to help out.”
“I’ve picked up fallen branches off of somebody else’s land to play with when I was a little kid, and got scolded for taking “other people’s stuff”. It’s the same for getting firewood. You can only cut the straw that grows on your own field. You can’t touch other people’s. And taking hay off of someone else’s haystack is the same as theft.”
“I lived in a northern village, and I frequently went out for firewood when I was little, and stripping corn to dry. Corncobs can be burned as fuel too. My grandma is still using wood fires to steam bread in my hometown. I really do think wood fire cooked food is tastier.”
A tiktok video of cops investigating a car stopped by the side of the road, to find a woman grieving too much to drive. She explains that her mother just passed away and she needs to get home. They told her to get in the back seat and helped drive her home.
“Our political thought teacher had a breakdown because we refuse to get married.
We were dating about dating today, and one of the pages on the powerpoint was about all the potential problems in a romantic relationship. She got super excited and asked us what we thought, and we were like, “None of that is a problem if you don’t date anyone, though.”
She looked like she was in disbelief, and asked, “But you’ve been repressed so long, surely you want to experience dating? If you don’t date now, are you not gonna get married either?”
And we were like, “Yeah, probably not.”
And she visibly got upset, like, super, super upset. Her voice got all sharp and she loudly demanded if we thought that was a good idea. That we were being selfish. We thought we were all individuals, but how are we going to build connections with other people/society if we don’t get married? If we don’t get married and other people don’t get married, then what happens to our family? What happens to society? What happens to our country? Blah blah blah.
I was super shocked.
And some of my classmates mumbled, “I just don’t want to get married. I don’t care if other people get married or not.” And she heard and yelled, “You say that, but I bet you still want to be loved deep in your heart!”
Comments say, “Some people are like this. They want a loving family, so they force everyone else to want the same thing too, or else they’d look like an idiot.”
“Why would a teacher say this shit to a bunch of kids who aren’t done growing yet?”
“Just have her marry multiple times to make up for all of you.”
“Chinese kids are really pitiful!
They’re super, super sad!
I’ve been teaching physics for 14 years, and well, there were good aspects to basic Chinese education back in the day.
But it’s all changed now. All of society’s changed. And kids have changed too.
I’ve got students who’ve studied overseas, and I’ve went overseas to look for myself too.
My students go home and immediately have to start in on homework. Students in the west really have a lot more freedom.
It’s really different from this oppressive education we have in China.
That saying is wrong, “Don’t lose before the race’s started.” That’s just fearmongering. Life isn’t a race. It’s a marathon of living.
It doesn’t matter if you run fast or run slow.
But China’s all about not losing before the race’s started.
So kids start in daycare, memorising poems and learning how to use an abacus and all kinds of bullshit.
And the more you work them when they’re young, the more you emphasise how they can’t lose now, the more they fall behind later on.
Western people talk about encouraging kids to explore the world, letting them play, letting them have fun. Just like we used to in the 70s and 80s.
And they get strict in college. And we’re the other way around. It’s hard as hell to get into college, but you can just coast once you’re in.
There’s countless students who spend the entirety of college staying up all night to play video games.
There’s countless students who studied all night in high school and have to repeat every course they take in uni.
Expanding uni acceptance has turned into another way to delay employment. The quality of college students is so low these days.
And you’re not done with just college. You have to get a Master’s degree. And after that, you need to go through the civil servant exams, or get a Doctorate. By the time you graduate, you’re in your thirties.
And there’s so much tutoring these days. I’m a physics teacher, and to tell you the truth, some kids just don’t have the talent for STEM. They might have talent in something else, like piano or dance or something.
They might be getting 80 on an exam before tutoring, and after tutoring, they’ll still get 80, because they don’t want to be in tutoring. They don’t care about physics. They’re being pressured to be here.
The parents are forcing the kid to study. He’s not doing it willingly. And because he’s not doing it willingly, he has no motivation.
He’s being oppressed. We have to change how we educate kids.
I’ve seen on the internet that some schools will call parents in, and tell them, “Your kid isn’t doing well in class. You have to help him.”
And the mother is all like, “I’m not educated myself. How am I supposed to help him? I can help with homework when he’s in first grade. But I don’t even understand the maths you’re teaching in third or fourth grade. And even Qinghua Professors [top 2 university in China] can’t solve some of the olympic maths they do in sixth grade. What are us normal parents supposed to do?”
Most parents are exhausted just living day to day.
Especially with the economy doing so badly. It takes all they have just to maintain their current standard of living. They really don’t have the time or energy after work to help with their kids’ homework.
Parents are like robots, living for their parents, living for their company, living for their kids, but never living for themselves.
Schools are passing their responsibility off to the parents. But then, what do we need teachers for? Maybe teachers are just worried about their class’s average grade getting pulled down.
I think China’s education system is really problematic. And it needs a thorough reform.
Maybe parents don’t realise this problem. Or even if they did, normal parents can’t do anything to change anything.
I don’t know if I’m gonna get bullied saying all this. I’m almost 40. I’m talking as carefully as I can.”
Comments say, “You’re absolutely right! I’m helping my kid with 7th grade maths homework, and there’s trigonometry and the questions are super convoluted, with ratios and movements. Like, just looking at it gives me a headache. They’re writing these questions just to fuck with people. What’s the point of learning all of this? It’s just really sad.”
“This is just a problem with big cities. Kids growing up in big cities in the west involute a lot too. I’ve talked with middle class parents living in Paris and New York, and they have to push their kids from a young age too. It’s a lot better if you’re from rural areas.”
“Who doesn’t suffer with our current education system? It’s one of the main causes of our low birth rate, I’m sure.”
Someone compiled the social media posts of the mother who illegally immigrated to the US through Mexico. Her description of her experience goes, “I set off with my son and my friend and her daughter on the 3rd of December from China, and flew to Osaka from Hangzhou. We vacationed a couple of days in Nara and Kyoto, and flew to Tokyo on the 14th, then flew to Mexico City on the 15th. Went sightseeing in Mexico City for two days, and went to see the pyramid too, then flew from Mexico City to Tijuana on the 19th. Went through the wall on the 20th, and got out on the 22nd, and rode the bus from San Diego to Los Angeles the same day.
This is my first time leaving the country in my life. We didn’t speak Japanese or English, much less Spanish. I used a translate app on my phone the whole way, built my itinerary myself, and didn’t pay an agent or anything. It’s only after I arrived here that I heard about all the people scammed by immigration agents. I just met a Falun Gong lady from Shanxi, who’s only been in Los Angeles for a month and already got scammed out of 350K by her agent.
I ran some numbers, and so far, my son and I have spent about 400K RMB on this trip. The biggest cost by far was the plane tickets. It cost 12,000 RMB to fly from Tokyo to Mexico City for me, 9600 for my son.
Food didn’t really cost much on the trip. And as for hotels, I always shared a room with my friend, so I saved quite a bit of money there.
I’ll talk about my experience on the way.
This is my first time to Japan, and it’s just…so clean! Everyone I met was super polite, super well-mannered. All the public areas and houses are spotless, including anything you eat. Even when I was at a tourist trap, I could still feel how much attention they put into details. Like they care about quality of life down to their bones. And everyone cares a lot about following the rules. Even when it’s super crowded, it doesn’t feel like it. Everything is really orderly.
And all the toilets in public bathrooms have smart functions, and it’s all super clean. When we were in Japan, we never dared litter, even if it’s just a scrap of paper or something, because there wasn’t even a single fallen leaf on the streets.
The contrast going from Japan to Mexico was super big. Mexico is really dirty, messy, and poor, like in China. And I’m not used to all the food. Thankfully, we only stayed 3-4 days. They’ve got lots of old ruins in Mexico though, including the Mexico City Catholic Church, which is the biggest and oldest church in South America. And there’s the Presidential Building and Post Office and Art Museum. All their buildings have really interesting designs. It’s definitely worth checking out, especially if you’ve never left the country like me.
When we climbed over the wall to go into America, we walked about 20 minutes or so. And we entered in the middle of the day, in broad daylight. And right away, there were American charitable organisations welcoming us, giving out water and bread, and super enthusiastically smiling at us and telling us, “Welcome to America!” I was super touched right away.
The immigration officers were really friendly to us, especially to the kids. Like, they’re so warm. When we were lining up to get on the bus, my son said thank you, and the officer by the car gave my son a thumbs up.
When I was filling out paperwork and standing in line in immigration, they were playing Christmas music over the broadcast, and my son started dancing next to me. And the officer asked my son if he liked this music, and he patted him on the head and gave him another thumbs up, and they even danced at each other for a bit.
There are a lot of volunteers working in immigration too. Lots of workers there. Anyone with children get separated on their own, and aside from three meals a day, kids get extra snacks and fruit and cartoons. And workers will come and ask if any of us needs a shower.
My first impression of America is that people take their work very seriously here, and they’re super enthusiastic when they’re working. And they really care about people. There’s no contempt or disdain even for illegal Chinese like us.
Since it’s right before Christmas, there were tons of people there, so all the Chinese people from Tijuana filled a bus all on our own. There’s even more South Americans here though.
After we got out, the bus took us to a hotel in San Diego, some sort of free room and board provided by the local Catholic church. We could stay here 24-48 hours, giving all the foreigners who just arrived in American soil plenty of time to rest and get used to things.
I got let out early, and since there were more people coming, a worker really politely asked me if I minded checking out early and told me why, and I agreed right away.
There really wasn’t any obstacles or dangers on the way. All that was required of me was a brave and steady heart.
Honestly, even now, I’m kind of dazed. Like, I’m in America just like that?”