11/27/23 - My auntie gave my uncle a vasectomy.
A compilation of why you shouldn’t date a girl in medical school:
“My girlfriend’s getting a medical degree. She recently started learning dissections. Fuck, I don’t even dare to piss her off anymore. I’m walking on eggshells all the time.”
“Sorry, I’m an embarrassment. I stabbed my toad all the way through and he’s still moving @_@“
“My mom is a chiropractor. I was a really shy kid growing up, and my mom was worried that I’d get bullied, so she taught me two pressure points. Once I got familiar with them, plus the fact that I have pretty good grip strength, whenever someone tries to bully me, I hit them in the pressure point. It hurts so much they’re screaming and crying but it leaves no wound.”
“Everything else is fine, except escape rooms become a lot less fun. I go into one and start complaining the blood is too fake, the bones look plastic…to the point where the two escape room places I go to the most frequently won’t let me in their horror room unless they have to.”
“I’ve heard a medical student say, “How quick is my knife? I can kill a fish and slice it in half and throw it in the pot, and it’ll still be flapping around.”
“Stab at the stomach, use a slightly blunt knife. So long as you avoid a couple of major arteries and nerve bundles, once the knife is in, the intestines will slip away from it on their own. They won’t get punctured and therefore won’t get infected, so it’s very unlikely to be fatal. Don’t stab in the chest. If you can’t control your strength, you could puncture a lung. Then, focus on the limbs. There’s only a couple of arteries and nerve bundles in the thighs that you have to avoid, and everything else is just muscle. You can stab it however you like. As for the calf, there’s not much meat on it so it’s not easy to stab at. Honestly, there’s not a whole lot of nonfatal places to stab somebody.”
“Doctors can fuck their husbands in divorces, and lawyers can fuck their wives in divorces.”
“I want to marry a Chinese Medicine Doctor.”
“They’ll feed you food that isn’t supposed to be paired together and you won’t even know how you died.”
“I’ve learned an acupuncture point that’ll kill you instantly if stabbed, and a point that’ll give you a miscarriage with a slap, and an acupuncture point that’ll make you sterile if you scrape it.”
“We’ve had a lesson before about how there’s an acupuncture point in the lower stomach area, where if you stab it a couple of times with a needle, it’ll make a man permanently sterile. It’s a lot more convenient than a vasectomy.”
“The girl I know who’s going through medical school says that if she really wanted to become a criminal, there are countless ways to torture someone slowly.”
“My girlfriend studied Chinese Medicine, and she showed me an acupuncture point on the back of my neck and said that if she gently poked this spot, I’d go temporarily deaf, and if she stabbed in deep, I’d be permanently deaf. I was so terrified T_T”
“What’s even scarier than doctors is coroners. When you have a fight, she’ll tell you either you meet her at the Civil Affairs Bureau [where you go to file divorces] or she’ll see you at work.”
“I remember a girl who was getting her medical degree, who bought a fish and stabbed it with a needle, and the fish instantly went still. Her husband was super curious, and she was like, “It’ll work on anything with a spine, including humans.”
“My wife studied Pharmaceuticals, and every time we fight, I get the shits over several days XD”
“My wife is a coroner. She knows all the ways to kill somebody, and at least hundreds of ways to engineer an alibi.”
“I’m not a doctor, but my best friend is, and she told me that if you stab someone at the base of the skull, they’ll die.”
“My girlfriend graduated from Central Medical Academy, but my family are ancestral Chinese Medicine doctors. We’ve got a collective 120 years of experience by the time it came to my generation. Back in the day, when I had a fight with my girlfriend, I stabbed her with a needle and she couldn’t get up anymore. And she stabbed me with a needle and I couldn’t lay down anymore. And we had a stand off like that for a whole day, and in the end, we both wouldn’t admit defeat.”
”We have this long needle in our lab called marrow-destroying needle [literal translation, I’m not sure what the proper medical term for it is, and google wasn’t very helpful]. It takes two stabs on frogs. Destroy the grey matter, and it’s brain death. Destroy spinal fluid and it’s full-body paralysis. And then we experiment on the frogs.”
“Remember the guy who was stabbed dozens of times and only qualified for “minor injuries”?”
“My auntie gave my uncle a vasectomy.”
“Lately, there’s been a lot of witches saying that, “Men finding a wife to wash their clothes and cook their food and raise their children is treating women like a tool, like a free nanny, like a birthing machine. It makes them shitty scumbags.”
This is an awful take. According to these witches, men should find a wife just to buy a house and buy a car and spend money on her? Make food for her, wash clothes for her, hire a nanny to raise their kids? What about normal families who can’t afford nannies? Where the man can’t afford to come home every time to make dinner? What is the woman responsible for, then? Just laying around in bed, using the man like a whore? Make the man get up there and move on his own? How is that any different from prostitution? Even if you were a whore, you’d at least have to come up with tricks to serve your clients well. Now you want to take the money and fuck your client too? [here the fuck is “嫖”, specifically the act of sleeping with a prostitute. I couldn’t find a good term for it in English. Please let me know if one exists.]
You don’t need to do anything with your life? You don’t have any responsibilities? You can just stick yourself to a man like a parasite and suck his blood? Isn’t that disgusting behaviour like maggots in the toilet?
Honestly, men dealing with external affairs and women dealing with internal affairs is just a split of domestic duties. Making your husband go out and make money isn’t enslaving him, the same way doing housework and raising kids at home doesn’t make you a nanny and a servant. And without a kid, there’s not much housework that needs done. It’s pretty reasonable to expect you to use your free time to find a job and make some money. Then it’s just an issue of how to fairly divide this money. It’s never a matter of whether or not you should go to work at all. Honestly, most rich and harmonious families have both the husband and the wife involved in the family business. The wife basically qualifies for having a full-time job too.
Most normal families have the man going out and the woman staying in, because you can’t have women go out and work and make money, and have the man stay at home and do laundry and cook and raise kids. That’s completely against human nature. It can’t be implemented society-wide.
If your relationship is at an end, and you’re measuring up everyone’s contributions only in money, you can still determine whether the split was fair with careful calculations. There’s nothing here that couldn’t be talked out.
Of course, back in the day, there was a class of people who didn’t have to do anything—concubines. They get to lay around all day, or just pick up a couple of duties here and there and still get paid tons. All they have to do is sleep with the master and have kids. They survive n their face, and can only get a small portion of the man’s inheritance, far less than the wife.
More and more women in modern society just want to be concubines when it comes to effort, but wants to be wives when it comes to rewards. That’s pretty scummy.”
Comments say, “The reality is, most commonly in society, women have to handle internal affairs and external affairs. They work a full day, and come home and tutor the kids with their homework, then clean up the house, then wash the kids and put them to bed. And the man just sits there and plays on his phone. And he doesn’t make any more money than her. And if you tell him off, he’ll yell at you. And if you don’t tell him off, you feel terrible.”
“So not marrying is the best solution. Men don’t have to feel like they’re getting the shit end of the deal, and women don’t have to deal with all the hassle of marriage.”
“Honestly, a man who’s willing to buy a house and buy a car and spend money on his wife would never treat her like a servant anyways. But there are plenty of men who have nothing to their name who use their wives like free slaves. That’s the problem we’re dealing with.”
From a blogger with an American IP address: “The Taiwanese auntie who ate with my mom and I for lunch today is super funny. She’s been in America for over thirty years. Whenever she mentions her homeland, she has so little trust for it.
The auntie says that Taiwanese food safety is terrible. That’s why she always reminds her husband whenever he goes back to Taiwan that he can’t eat any of the vegetables (because of fertilisers), or any of the fish (because of hormones in the feed), or any of the eggs (some kind of egg? I didn’t really get this part), or any of the fruit (because of expansion agents), or milk (again, hormones).
And I was like, “So what is he supposed to eat?”
And she was like, “That’s what my husband said too, but I just told him that he’s not allowed to eat anything!”
And I was like, “But when I visited Taiwan, I ate all of that, veggies and meat and fruit, and it was all delicious.”
And the auntie replied with exceptional EQ, “It’s fine if you only visit occasionally on vacation.”
And another auntie just spend the whole time complaining about politicians, and even tried to explain 1450 to me for a while. I had no idea what 1450 was before this. Do any of you know what 1450 is?”
Comments say, “1450 came from when the Agriculture Committee came under fire for using a budget of 14.50 million Taiwanese dollars to keep four editors on staff, and were accused of using taxpayer money to fund internet bullies. After that, “1450” became a code for internet spammers who work on behalf of the Democratic Progressive Party.”
“When it comes to food safety, it’s just a distrust of modern agricultural technology and industrialisation. Sort of like the debate about whether washing machines or hand-washing makes your clothes cleaner. Although food safety is obviously far from perfect, it’s not as though pre-modern agriculture produced foods that were any safer, when testing metrics hadn’t even been invented yet.”
“Hahaha, I visited Taiwan back in 2015, and all the taxi drivers I ran into loved complaining about politicians. And everyone I met was super friendly. When we got lost, a lot of people helped us out. And they have really tasty snacks.”
“If she came to mainland China, she’d be anxious about every breath of air she had to take.”
A blogger posts a screenshot of an instagram story of a mother with her sick kiddo at the hospital, where she says, “Fellow moms, if you’re letting your husband watch your kid at the hospital, you have to be careful. I sat with my kid for four hours and he was fine, and daddy took over for just one hour, and the baby’s hand for swollen, and blood backflowed into the IV line, and he knocked over the baby’s food. Look how sad my baby is.”
And a compilation of comments beneath, “If he was watching his boss’s kid, would so many accidents happen?”
“My husband too, my kiddo got the flu and was on an IV drip for 7 days, and he never came once. I had to beg him to come over one night, and when he came, I went to eat some food. I probably only left for half an hour? And when I came back, my kiddo’s hand was so swollen it looked like a dinner roll. And he was just sitting by, playing on his phone, never even noticed. I told him off and asked if he was blind, and he yelled at the kiddo, for not saying something when his hand was swollen. He was only five years old.”
“And yet, at business dinners, they’re so thoughtful, not a single wasted move the whole dinner. Temperature has to be just right, meat and veggie dishes have to be balanced, cold and hot dishes have to be varied, keep all the glasses filled, and keep in mind who’s more important than who, and gifts have to be just the right amount of fancy…wow, they notice all the details. Why is that so? Because they never cared about you to begin with.”
“Yeah, he just doesn’t care about your kid. When I came back from my Master’s Degree, my dad went to Beijing to pick me up, and prepared a whole bag of snacks for me, with milk tea and sour plums and chicken feet. He remembered all of my favourites. Men aren’t thoughtless at all. This dad just doesn’t care. Look how sad the kid is.”
“A lot of men do it on purpose. This way, their wife is too worried to give the kid to them, and they can easily escape the work of having to take care of a kid.”
“It’s true. They think that it’s just watching a kid, it’s so much easier than going to work, but that’s not the case at all. Kids need all of your attention and focus. My husband got sick, and I bought medicine and poured him water and spoon-fed him porridge, and moved him to the couch, and brought him towels, and washed his towels, and wiped off his sweat, and put a blanket on him. Then, I got sick, and I felt just as bad, and he took care of me the exact same way. Obviously, the dads who don’t take care of their kid is only using this time to slack off.”
“Men aren’t that thoughtless at all. He’s clearly doing this on purpose. Tell your kid in front of him that this is how he should treat his dad once his dad is old and laid up in bed, and see how much he flips out.”
“Just read a webnovel where the female lead died in the modern day, and time-travelled back to a famine during ancient times. Her family was completely poverty-stricken, there’s been a three-year-long drought, everyone in the village is on the verge of death, dozens of members in her family and they all rely on scavenging for grass seeds on the mountain for survival.
That is, find a handful of grass seeds, boil it in a big pot of water, and split it between a dozen people.
And they’ve just about went through their store of grass seeds that they’d been saving up, only about half a satchel left. The only thing left to eat is bark. Even the grass had been pulled up and eaten by now. And the only water they have left is a bit of mud at the bottom of the well.
The village major is organising everyone to become refugees, but the journey is filled with danger and starvation. The female lead uses her modern-day wilderness survival knowledge to take her whole village on the road and make sure everyone survived until rain came. She got their residency registered to the village that the city assigned for refugees, and got everyone several mu [666~ square metres] of land. And using her cunning, she engineered stuff that hadn’t been invented yet, and brought the whole village to prosperity.
And then they built an ancestral shrine. And her dad led everyone in the family, including her useless piece of shit of a brother, to bow to their ancestors. And she had to wait outside the gate.
She had to wait outside the gate.
Outside. The. Gate.
Because she’s a woman and she’s not allowed inside.
She literally saved the whole village. Everything they ate, everything they drank, everywhere they lived, every cent they’re spending all came from her hands.
Including the money to build this shrine to begin with.
And she’s not allowed to go inside.
And she’s happy with this.
Fuck. If I was the female lead, I would chase everyone out and burn the shrine down and build a new one, and rewrite the genealogy books starting with me.”
Comments say, “Tell me that when they all went inside, the female lead locked the doors and set it on fire? I don’t see how else it could end.”
“Family clans are designed to eat women up. When you burn the genealogy books, remember to burn the clan leaders too to make an example.”
“The author’s probably never accomplished anything in real life, or else she wouldn’t have written such a female lead. Any woman with the balls and smartness to get this far, would never just sit down and put up with stuff. They’d flip the table.”