11/18/24 - Without gifts, you can’t get a raise. If you give gifts, you’ll have more opportunities to get a raise.
“A worker at a tutoring agency in Suzhou posted inappropriate comments about the Wuxi School Incident [where a student stabbed 8 and injured 17]. The company has apologise and promised he has been fired.”
The worker had posted, “All the victims are vocational school students, so getting a good diploma matters! If you want to live, sign up! Linghang Votech to Bachelor’s is worth your trust!”
Comments say, “He got fired over one wrong comment?”
“All I want to say today is that some of the trash at tutoring agencies don’t even have as good of a diploma as any of you here.”
“They sure threw him under the bus quick.”
A compilation of the ridiculous social media posts dads have made when their baby was born:
“I’ve been someone’s son for 30 years. Now it’s finally my time to be someone’s dad!”
“My wife is badass. She made a whole person.”
“You can be my dad. I’ll make money to get my dad a wife.”
“Nice to meet you, I’m your daddy.” [Making someone call you “dad” is a common way to flaunt victory, sort of like making someone say “uncle”.]
“All those comrades who have daughters, watch your cabbages closely. My pig has just arrived.” [Your daughter marrying someone who’s not good enough for her is often described as, “like putting your heart and soul into growing a cabbage for years just for the neighbour’s pig to eat it.”]
“Look, I don’t even know you. We only met 2 days ago. Could you please shut up? I haven’t slept in 4 days.”
“2023-12-05 11:24:38 Eight pounds.” With a comment underneath asking, “Where did you get that fish?” OP replies, “Thanks, but it’s my son, actually.” And they respond, “Ask your son where he got that fish.”
“Buying RSZ at the dealership [a motorcycle known for its flashy appearance and incredibly cheap price tag, notably popular among delinquents], getting my hair dyed at a roadside stall, crocs in the morning, tight jeans at night. Boomers, watch your daughters. I am going to get everything that’s mine in this lifetime.”
“An 80-something-year-old grandma came into my clinic today. She’s been bedridden for over a year. She came with her daughter and a nanny. Had a huge bedsore, roughly about 10cm in diameter.
I was like, “How long has she been like this?”
The daughter: “From about 2 months ago, it started getting a bit red. We bought XX cream [here used to censor the name of the cream]. At first, it worked, but then there was a blister and once the blister popped, there was pus everywhere, and it just kept getting worse.”
Me: “That XX cream doesn’t do anything, actually. Don’t use it anymore.”
Daughter: “We think it worked.”
Me: “So why did you come to the hospital?”
Daughter: “We just wanted to ask if there was a better solution?”
Me: “This is a bed sore, it’s caused by laying in bed for too long. Look at her back and see, a lot of the flesh is rotting away, and we have to clean all of this rotten stuff off in the OR or it’ll keep worsening her infection. Does she have diabetes?”
Daughter: “Yes.”
Me: “That means she’ll have an even harder time healing. Look at how thin she is. She’s probably malnutritioned too. These are all factors that affect healing.”
Daughter: “We totally turn her at home. Why did it get this bad?”
Me: “For these long-term bedridden patients, theoretically, they need to be turned every 2 hours. Even if you get an air bed and slightly draw out the time, it’s at most 4 hours, not any longer than that. We can do that at the hospital, because she gets 24 hours care, but at home, it’s admittedly hard to turn her every 3-4 hours.” (I said that deliberately to give her a way out.)
Daughter: “Can you give us some medicine? Prescribe some XX cream.”
Me: “Based on my experience, I don’t advise you keep using this XX cream. Her bed sores are very severe now. It might have worked at the early stages, but using it now would only worsen her infection with no benefits.”
Daughter: “Then what do you think should be done?”
Me: “The main principle is to turn her more often to prevent new bed sores, and clean out her current bedsore and get rid of all the rotten flesh. Then control her blood sugar and get her the right nutrition.”
Daughter: “We still want to use XX cream. Everyone online says it works.”
Me: “As a doctor, I don’t recommend you do that. If you want to use it, you have to buy it off the internet yourself. But I need to remind you that I do not recommend this. My plan is what I already told you. If you accept that, I’l work with you. If not, you can figure out what to do on your own.”
And then they went home.”
Comments say, “I seriously don’t get this, when a doctor explicitly says a medicine doesn’t work but the patient and family insist on it anyways. If it was useful, things wouldn’t be this bad right now. If it’s already this bad, why aren’t you looking for a different treatment plan? Even worse are the people who won’t accept any sort of medicine at all but still expect the doctors to help. Like, what are they supposed to do, chant spells?”
“She won’t have much longer. My classmates grandma was being taken care of perfectly well by her daughters. Once she went to her son, she also got bed sores pretty quickly. The daughters demanded to take her back, but the son won’t let them, and she herself cried and begged her daughters to stop pushing, and she died in two years.”
”My mom was a vegetable in bed for a year and a half without any bed sores. Taking care of a patient means turning them frequently, patting their back, giving massages, and it’s a lot of work. But every time I wash her head, I can sense her feeling really comforted, and I couldn’t stand to put my mom in any kind of suffering, so I made things as comfortable as I can for her.”
Another compilation on the philosophy of giving gifts. For context, the leading theory is that the best gift is whatever is the least bang for your buck within your budget:
“So, one of my employees gifted me a 2g solid gold ear spoon yesterday. Did he happen upon this video?”
“But did it work or not? It’s piquing my interest just looking at it.”
“I bought my girlfriend 1000RMB menstrual pads and she called me a retard. She says that every time her period comes now, she remembers how much of a retard I am.”
“You gift your girlfriend a 1500RMB Xiaomi phone, she’s not going to give a fuck. You gift your girlfriend a 1500 RMB lipstick, she’s going to sing your praises.”
“Your boss’s son just finished his Gaokao and wants a computer. You gift him a 3000 RMB computer, he thinks it’s below him, but if you gift him a 3000 RMB keyboard, he might even call you dad.”
“I was going to gift my friend a computer, but now that you said that, I’m gonna get a 2000 RMB keyboard instead.”
“If your boss wears dress shoes often, you can consider gifting a shoe funnel. It’s practical and not that expensive.”
“So what’s the least bang for my buck for 20 RMB?”
“Just buy some konjac snacks and be done with it.”
“Gift your boss a secondhand car for 20-30K, and he’s going to become very disappointed in you, but imagine if it was a Huawei trifold…”
“It’s true. I figured there was nothing good to buy for a 10K budget, so I just bought a 10K sake cup.”
“What if my crush loves fishing? My budget is only 500RMB.”
“Same idea. You can’t buy a good fishing rod for 500RMB. But if you buy something else, like a nice pair of fishing gloves, or good sunglasses, or a nice sun hat, or some nice fishing lures. Either way, find something cheap that you can buy for high quality at 500 RMB. He might hesitate to ever get 500RMB sunglasses, but he would never use 500RMB fishing rods.”
“I’ve always stood by my principle of only gifting expensive trash.”
“That’s a great summary.”
“Gift for a freshly graduated female uni student, 300RMB budget, for her birthday.”
“300RMB hair clip. You gotta apply these lessons to life, bro.”
“I was going to gift a 20K computer, but now that I think about it, maybe I should get a 20K phone case.”
“Why not a 20K phone screen protector?”
“My boss bought a new iPhone, so I bought him a 100RMB SIM needle, and he thought my IQ wasn’t high enough to justify my current position and transferred me away T_T”
“Someone from Shandong shouldn’t make this kind of mistake XD” [Shandong’s stereotype is that everyone’s ultimate dream is to become a civil servant, and therefore is exceptionally practised at the main skill of a civil servant—how to have high EQ in the workplace.]
“You should’ve gifted him a 100RMB phone case.”
“I feel like this is a hidden ad to boost consumption when spending is low.”
“But this is actually useful! You have to give gifts, after all.”
“If it’s a gift for an actual friend, just spend your money where it counts. Why gift all these fancy but useless stuff?”
“But sometimes, people aren’t your friend, but you need something from them. Without gifts, you can’t get a raise. If you give gifts, you’ll have more opportunities to get a raise.”
A discussion about how one would fail an electrician exam, inspired by the Wuxi school stabbing, as the motive of the killer was reported to be “due to failing his exams and disputes over internship wages”:
“The indiscriminate killer in Wuxi, “Warrior of the Proletariats”, Xu Jiajin, attended the Wuxi Electrician Exam and failed. Of the 36 people who took the test that day, only three people failed, including him. It only takes 40 hours of training to get this license, including both book learning and practical work.
This animal said, “Most people cheat their way through exams.” I just want to ask, how the hell do you cheat at an electrician practical exam?
Chinese society is rotten through, but not a single word out of this animal’s mouth is believable.”
“You’re just not getting it, man. Let me make it clear, I learned Silicon-Controlled Rectifier to start with, but when I graduated, the license I had was for low-voltage electrician work. Then, in the course of my work, I got licensed for high-voltage, microelectronics, and repair work.
When I took the high-voltage electrician practical exam, you had to draw a task out of a stack of 100 tasks to get tested on. Sounds hard to cheat at, right?
Bullshit. People still cheated plenty.
The actual difficulty of a practical task can be heaven and earth. Can you believe the first question is about “safety practices”? How to climb a pole? How to use a lever? And the examiner really will hand the easiest questions to specific students. Some students just got cards straight from the examiner without drawing anything themselves, when everyone is supposed to draw their own tasks.
In China, there’s only what you can’t imagine, not what can’t be done.
The task I got was shut down procedures and emergency protocol. This was 30 years ago.”
“I happened to have just taken this test. You only get to take the practical exam if you pass the theory. The school organises exam training for an additional charge. You can choose whether or not to attend, but without training, there’s no way you’d pass. All the key points at in the details. But so long as you went through specific training, there’s usually no problem.”
“All the examiners marking you are your own teachers. Why would you fail? 100%, it’s because you pissed your teachers off. I feel like these overseas social media are all full of shit. They’re just spouting off a whole bunch of theory and don’t actually get how things work at all. This isn’t College English Test, this isn’t the Gaokao. This is just a test at a Skill Appraisal Centre, to get a practical license. This shit is pure garbage. You can get one just by paying.”
“Sorry, personal experience. I’ve never been embarrassed of my vocational school diploma. I graduated from the Shougang Institute of Technology, my major was Mechatronics, and some of the courses I took was Mid-Level Electric Repair and Low-Voltage Electrician. The school provided us with license exams, with both practical exams and theory. The theory exam was theoretically really strictly managed, but every time, half way through, teachers would come in and hand all the students a note with the correct answers on it.”
“50% of whether or not you pass exams like these is up to the teacher.”
“In my company, you don’t even need to show up for your electrician or high-altitude work license. We just go through a middle man. It’s all legitimate certificates too. And in an adult college, so long as you show up for the exams, you’re guaranteed to pass.”
“There’s plenty of videos of electrician practical exams on the internet. I watched some before mine, plus 40 hours of training, it’s not hard to pass if you work hard. There is a big teacher subjectivity factor in the practical exam. It usually includes [oh god help me, there is so much technical stuff here. Imagine a bunch of electrician jargon here, okay?] If you didn’t prepare properly and got a particularly strict teacher, it’s pretty normal to fail.”
“Go to a technical school first before you start mouthing off. Everyone cheats through the theory exams, the teachers don’t care at all. What kind of good student ends up in technical school? This kid was obviously just stubborn as fuck.”