11/14/23 - She rinsed her hair in diluted DDVP to try to kill the bugs, and wore a plastic bag to bed.
“The most badass person I’ve ever seen is my uncle, an illiterate farmer who never married his whole life.
His back got covered in weird bumps that were super itchy. He saw half a bottle of leftover pesticide under his bed, DDVP I think, and diluted it in a basin and rinsed his back in it. A couple of days later, all the bumps turned black and got better. His logic was, “Pesticide’s made is poison. If it can kill bugs, why wouldn’t it be able to disinfect and kill bacteria?”
When he wasn’t quite 50, he got diagnosed with lymphoma at the hospital. Didn’t want to spend that much money getting it treated, and he didn’t think it was that big a deal, and chemo is way too expensive, so he just found folk remedies from Chinese Medicine. It’s been ten years now, and he’s never gotten another checkup at the hospital, but nothing’s wrong with him physically. No one knows what’s up. He often tells people, “Fuck cancer. Look how many years I’ve lived without a problem!”
Now he’s in his 50s and still working hard labour on construction cites, building dams and roads with a local construction company. When they’re building embankments, he can easily lift up a 300-400 pound rock by himself, and walks through rubble with his rubber shoes [original text says 解放鞋, former military footwear in the PLA made from cotton and rubber that looks like this]. None of the young men in their twenties or thirties match up to him. I’ve seen him without a shirt, and he’s covered in dark, shiny muscles.
He’s got a huge appetites, eats out of a bucket. One time, he came over to my house as a guest, and my mom made four people’s worth of noodles, a whole potful. And he ate it all by himself, and even drank all the soup too. My parents were used to it, but my mind was blown.
He doesn’t have any savings at all after how many years he’s worked. He’s still living in his parent’s house. The only electronic he owns is a rice cooker. He doesn’t smoke either, and only drinks occasionally. Loves eating meat and lives super minimalistically.
Supposedly, all the money he made from working construction, he gave to women who hung out near construction sites. His boss says that not only does he like to hook up with prostitutes, once he meets once he likes, he’ll give them free money. He’s super stingy to everyone else, but he’s very generous with women.
PS: About the first point, DDVP is like super poisonous. I just heard this story, I didn’t see it happen myself, I don’t even know if it’s true. Please don’t try it yourself. We still need to believe in and respect science.”
Comments say, “Read through the instruction pamphlet for DDVP. If you’ve even given it a once over, you wouldn’t have made up this story.”
“I’ve heard of a case of a woman with fleas in her hair, so she rinsed her hair in diluted DDVP to try to kill the bugs, and wore a plastic bag to bed, and was dead by the next morning.”
”If he used DDVP and didn’t die, it means all the phospholipids in it have broken down or all evaporated. Guess I can only call it luck.”
A compilation of funny responses on the internet:
“[Screenshot of KFC] Should I betray my friend? He really, really trust me. He put me in the same room as 21 pieces of original crispy chicken. Should I betray him? I’m being tortured by my morality.”
Someone responds, “Your friend entrusted these 21 pieces of chicken to you, you need to take care of these 18 pieces of chicken properly. These 15 pieces of chicken may not be super valuable, but these 13 pieces of chicken represents your years of friendship and trust, and you can’t really eat anymore.”
“Experienced Thai massage. Pic related.”
Someone responds, “An auntie gave me a massage, and I got so relaxed that I let out a huge fart. And the auntie went, “Aoyi!!” and slapped me on the butt.”
“How come you can post Thai voice clips?”
“Did you confess in the end?”
“I accidentally got the parking post in my wheel. What am I supposed to do?”
“I’ll wire you 50 bucks if you show me how you did it again.”
“I forget what the fuck I was thinking when I bought this blush.”
“It’s not that much of a waste. It’s still perfect for stamping official documents.”
“Is there an excuse that every boss will approve vacation for?”
“My Governor father is having his birthday today.”
“I put in my SIM card the wrong way. Help.”
“Customer Service: So, let me get the story straight—you woke up and it was already like this?”
“An errand boy at our company really loves exercise, for some reason. It’s winter, and it’s cold, so his girlfriend doesn’t want to go cycling with him every day anymore. So he bought a stationary bike. Whenever he has a day off, he spends it riding at home. He’ll even put on total gear for it, just to get the right vibes.
He’s got fatty liver that he’s getting treated for, but he’s still got a great figure (or so he thinks). Then today, he was riding his bike again, and his girlfriend happened to pass by and went, “Wow, men have so little fat on their butts and thighs. They look so small.”
After a while, his girlfriend picked up their cat and came over and compared them. And the guy was like, “What are you doing?”
And she was like, “I feel like our cat’s got a bigger butt than you do if he lays down.”
He turns around to see a pathetic looking kitty and immediately responded, “It’s okay, baby, the person with the biggest butt in our house is your mommy (his girlfriend).”
And so, that day, he was tossed out of the apartment with all the other kitchen trash.
Later on, he came to work and complained about it to everyone, and we were all like, “You were totally asking for it though.”
And he was like, “???””
Comments say, “Isn’t it a compliment to tell a girl she has a big butt? I don’t get it.”
“So does fatty liver have anything to do with weight or not? I had a mild case of it when I was 70kg, and now I’m 80kg and it’s gone.”
“But people who cycle regularly have super firm and perky butts <3”
“This is the perfect picture to show you just how much we’ve regressed! On the left is Gulnazar in 2023, who was slut-shamed by the whole internet, and this is something she only wore on her private day off. On the right is Faye Wong at an awards ceremony in 1993, which was aired all over TV, and her outfit got rated Most Fashionable of the Year.
And here’s another picture of Brigitte Lin, and one of Joey Wong wearing spaghetti straps. I can’t imagine how much bullying they’d have to face if they wore that today.
At the turn of the century, it was super fashionable to wear tank tops. Walking around the street, you’d see tons of people wearing dudou [looks like this], spaghetti straps, sleeveless shirts, low-rise pants, like super hot outfits. And everyone praised it back then. No one would look twice. It was all normal.
And now, we’ve gotten more and more conservative. Even normal jeans with a bit of decorations is unacceptable now. I read a book once that said, “How well the economy is doing is inversely proportional to how long dresses are. The worse the economy, the longer the skirt.” Guess it’s true.”
Comments say, “I can accept Faye Wong’s outfit, but I can’t accept Gulnazar’s. Thongs are inherently sexual.”
“I don’t deny Gulnazar has the right to wear what she wants, but you can’t compare her to Faye Wong like this. Faye Wong is wearing that for stage effect. She’s made up for stage and wearing a costume, basically. It’s normal for it to be a bit over the top, so to speak. You can’t compare it to a normal daily outfit.”
“Doesn’t anyone else feel like this is something that’s been pushed too hard on the internet? I’m guessing there’s got to be some kind of force arranging this kind of stuff. Look at how young people think these days! You’d never guess they were from the 21st century!”
“Because we were poor back then, and felt like anything from the west was good. Now that we’re doing better, we’re just becoming more confident in our traditional culture and sense of fashion.”
Someone asked, “How come nobody ever gets food poisoning at rural banquets?” [An activity where you keep 10-20 round tables served with food, and people from the village (and sometimes nearby villages) drop by in rounds to eat in an endless stream of guests. Usually for weddings or funerals.]
A compilation of various answers:
“Because half an hour ago, your meats were still eating your veggies.”
“It’s all based on reputation. We’ve got a chef in our village who gets orders from tens of kilometres away.”
“I help with prep every time there’s a banquet in my village, and they blanch the beef three times. What do you think?”
“My best friend got married, and I started living in his house 5 days before hand. My job was to keep an eye on the half-prepared food. If even a single fly makes it into the room, it’d be my fault.”
“Let me put it this way—my dad’s responsible for getting the groceries, my mom’s responsible for making the food, my grandma’s responsible for prepping the food, my brother’s responsible for serving the food. Are they gonna fuck with me?”
“I’m getting married this year, and my mom’s been keeping a pig fed for me for a exactly this occasion.”
“When my brother got married, he cooked the food himself, 28 dishes, but only a bite of food in each, with excellent plating. That’s how he cooks when he works outside as a chef. Jesus, everyone yelled at him. Whenever there’s a banquet now, people still shittalk him.”
“Over a decade ago, my neighbour put on a banquet for about 40 tables’ of guests, and everyone got the shits and some even ended up in the hospital. They called the cops and investigation showed that there was something wrong with the marinaded duck that they bought. And the store that sold marinaded duck shut down right away. Word spreads fast in a village.”
“For a rural banquet, chances are, you’re building the stove in your yard and cooking in the open. People are walking in and out and everyone can see what you’re doing and what ingredients you’re using. If you dare to use things that aren’t so fresh, even the cook who’s cooking won’t be able to keep living in the area, much less you.”
“No matter which family has an event in my village, every family has to put out one person to contribute. If the food isn’t tasty, you’ll get gossiped about for years. Everyone ha a job too. Men usually haul the food, or arrange the tables and chairs. Women cook. If something went wrong in your house, it’s a big fucking deal.”