11/09/23 - My own failure is depressing, sure, but I’m even more upset about my mother’s success.
“Failed my second attempt at a Master’s Degree admission, and came home to find my mom passed. It’s as upsetting as it was shocking.
After failing the 2020 Master’s Degree admissions exam, I left home in a depressed state and came to Guangzhou to work. When I took leave and came home, I found all my study materials were covered in my mom’s notes. I got suspicious, so I checked our computer at home, and found that my dear mother entered the 2022 exam.
Her lessons are all saved on her computer. Her essays too. And there’s notebooks stuffed in her computer desk drawers with the school’s logo, and her student ID. She’s going to start this year. Although she’s still working, I know that the test for working people and fresh college graduates are the exact same.
Maybe it’s my fate to work in a sweatshop hahahahaha.
She didn’t tell me, probably because she was worried I’ll be devastated.”
A compilation of comments underneath:
“My own failure is depressing, sure, but I’m even more upset about my mother’s success.”
“Your mom probably figured well, you’d bought all these study materials anyways…”
From OP: “It’s true, she hates wasting anything.”
“Your mom be like, “Let me see just how hard it is to get into a Master’s Degree. Hmm, that’s it? Guess my kid’s just retarded.”
“In my household, we’re all like: have one kid, oh no he’s dumb, have another kid…hmm…I think he’s also dumb.”
“I never thought that I would ever encounter a Russiaboo in real life.
I met an old man, who was loudly educating two little old ladies about Russia. All three of them looked to be in their seventies.
He was like, “Russia is super rich! Much richer than China! They’re rice, wheat, and potatoes are all better than China’s. They don’t sell it to China. Or, well, it’s not that they don’t sell it. It’s that Chinese people can’t afford to buy it.”
The old ladies let out amazed noises.
And he went on, “You can see it on the newspapers. What do the newspapers say? Russia has lowered its proud head. What does this mean? It means that they’ve always looked down on China. They’re very proud.”
The old ladies nod along again.
And he was like, “And Russia is huge! It’s twice the size of China!”
I quietly pull out my phone and searched it. Huh, he was right about that one. I’ll be darned.
An old lady said, “I’ve never been to Russia. Are the people pretty there?”
And the old man is like, “Much prettier than Chinese people. They all have blonde hair.”
Another old lady tsk’d in envy.
The old man is like, “And they have great literary works! There’s Gorky’s My Childhood. And they’ve got And Pavel Korchagin, he’s from Ukraine.”
I was shocked again. Man, this old man had a lot of facts saved up.
I bet he enjoyed this process of being admired. I’m sure the old ladies enjoyed the feeling of “becoming a better person”. Seemed like everyone had fun.”
Comments say, “The hobby of most middle-aged or old men is bragging. Their degree of enjoyment is based on their audience—in increasing order: men of their own age, women of their own age, young men, young women.”
“I guess that old man hasn’t been to Russia in a while, huh? Their retirement money is only 2000 bucks. A lot of retired people have to go out to work to have enough money to survive on.”
“I mean, he’s correct. Russia’s huge and has a lot of natural resources, and they’ve come out with a lot of famous literary masters, and they’re super proud of themselves. But it’s not like Chinese people care about any of that.”
An askreddit question, “Anything special about Han DNA?”
The top vomment is, “Only Han babies have blue birthmarks when born. Just like a big patch of blue, usually right over the butt. It’ll disappear as the baby grows up. This phenomenon doesn’t happen in other races.
Han people have shallow eyesockets. This is proof of living in extremely cold environments in primitive days, because we didn’t have goggles back then. People with deep eye sockets would get their eyes frozen when running in extremely cold temperatures, because of how the wind gathers, and they won’t be able to hunt anymore. And Han people have a lot more fat under the skin around their eyes, so it’s protected from the cold. European people will often get their eyes damaged by cold in the Arctic or Antarctica.
The yellow skin of Han people is a result of eating meat. Vitamin D is super important. People can only produce it themselves or get it from prey. In order to produce it yourself, you have to get plenty of sun. Or rather, UV light. Yellow skin stops a lot of UV light, so we can’t make as much vitamin D as people with white skin. So we have to eat a lot more meat to get vitamin D.
Actually, this pretty much applies to all East Asians in general.”
Comments say, “Lol, what a bunch of horseshit. Baidu those blue birthmarks—they’re called Mongolian Spots.”
“Isn’t it said that pure Han people have two layers of pinkie toenails?”
“You don’t get extra points on your college entrance exam [Doge].”
An askreddit question, “What are some of the best comebacks in Chinese history?”
The top reply is, “As the widely-acknowledged best diplomat in Chinese history, Premier Zhou Enlai is a true master of language. A cunning conversationalist.
Everyone knows that Premier Zhou didn’t like women, so once, a foreign visitor asked Premier Zhou, “Mister Premier, do you know who is the most beautiful woman in the world? Where is she?”
Premier Zhou replied with a smile, “Of course I know. She’s at my house. She’s my wife.”
The other party was disbelieving, “Your wife is the most beautiful woman in the world?”
“Of course. We have a saying in China, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My wife is obviously the most beautiful woman in the world in my eyes.”
Once, Premier Zhou visited the Soviet Union, and criticised Khrushchev for being a revisionist. Khrushchev dodged Zhou’s questions, and instead made fun of Zhou’s background, saying, “You’re not wrong in what you said, but I came from a working family, and you came from the capitalist class.
Since Zhou was born in a rather wealthy family, Khrushchev seized on that to mock him. Zhou thought about it for a bit and replied, “Yes, Comrade Khrushchev. We have that in common. We both betrayed our class.”
Khrushchev didn’t know what to say to that.
European countries were relatively wealthy at the time, and when China was first established, its economy was rather far behind. Once, there was a European visitor who wanted to embarrass Premier Zhou, so he asked, “How much is saved in Chinese banks?”
Zhou thought about it and said, “The money in our banks add up to 18 RMB and 88 cents.”
Because at the time, the notes available were 1 cent, 2 cents, 5 cents, 10 cents, 20 cents, 50 cents, 1 dollar, 2 dollars, 5 dollars, and 10 dollars. Added up, they’re exactly 18 RMB and 88 cents.
Zhou used this wise answer to respond to the visitor’s attempt to make things difficult. His sense of humour made the visitor ashamed.
Premier Zhou was a diplomat during some of China’s most difficult times, so there were a lot of hostile visitors who were trying to embarrass him.
Once, a western reporter saw a parker pen on Zhou’s desk, and mocked, “Why do you use American pens in China?”
Zhou smiled and replied, ‘Oh, there’s quite a history to this pen. This was captured by one of our North Korean comrades when fighting Americans. He gave it to me as a souvenir.”
The western reporter didn’t know what to say to that.
He worked himself to the bone for China. Premier Zhou is a great man. He is a revolutionist of the proletariat class, a politician, a military man, and an exceptional diplomat. He is always the best Premier of China in people’s hearts.”
Comments say, “”Mister Premier, why do Chinese people walk hunched over? We Americans always walk with our heads held up high.” “Because China is walking uphill. Of course we must lean forward. You’re walking downhill, of course you must lean back.””
“There was a western reporter who said that there was so many people in China, we needed to build more bathrooms. The premier replied, “We plan to build two, a men’s bathroom and a women’s bathroom.” And an Indian reporter said that Tibet’s only been a part of Chinese territory since the Yuan Dynasty, for only 700 years. It shouldn’t count as a part of China. So the premier asked if 700 years wasn’t enough to count, then does America even count as a country?”
“He was a premier who was full of positive energy. He really did dedicate his life to China. I went to the memorial museum for Premier Zhou in Shaoxing. He spent his whole day working T_T”
On the 10th of November, Sugang Corporation made an announcement about the controversial “poisoned development” issue, that they have made the homeowners aware of the issue when handing over the houses. It was their business partners who began building without completing the repairs, causing the development to fail the EPA’s standards. The issue is now working its way through the courts.
Based on Legal News Daily’s report, this piece of land has severe pollution in its soil and its underground water, including benzopyrene (tar coal isolate, which is a big carcinogen), naphthalene (also a carcinogen), and so on.
Our reporters got in touch with relevant personnel in the Gaoxin government, who doubted these claims. They say that, “The pollution of the land isn’t as severe as the media made it sound. This is just a civil dispute caused by the failing real estate market. The government is proactively working on this court case.”
Comments say, “If it’s not that severe, why don’t they go live in it?”
“The biggest victims were the construction workers who didn’t know anything, right?”
“Basically, they’re saying that there were plenty of developments who were just as polluted which still sold fine. This development was failing only because houses weren’t selling as fast. People should stop being so picky and making it difficult for them to make money.”
A screenshot of a post on the Korean internet, “My ex-boyfriend was super poor, so he was always really frugal. But even so, every time we went out, he’d hail a cab to take me home. He never tried to save that money.
We’d ride back to my home together. After watching me go inside, he’d never get another cab for himself, and instead walked almost an hour, even in the freezing winter. He walked home countless time.
Even if I gave him money to get a cab home, he still didn’t dare to spend it and insisted on walking. I kind of miss him.”
The comments underneath ask “Why did you break up?”
OP: “He cheated.”
“Goddamn scumbag.”
“WTF. I upvoted the original post, and now I have to cancel it ASAP.”
“How ignorant can some people get? My daughter had a persistent fever, so I took her to the children’s hospital to get an IV.
On the neighbouring bed was a little boy who was also getting an IV. The boy’s grandma came to visit with a thermos. The boy’s mom said, “The doctors said he can’t have anything to eat.”
After a while, the boy’s mom had to leave, and reminded the old lady again, “He can’t eat anything.”
As soon as she left the room, the little boy went, “Grandma, I’m so hungry. Mom won’t let me eat anything.”
His grandma opened up the thermos right away. It was filled with such fragrant chicken broth that even my daughter was on the verge of tears with hunger.
And she was like, “Eat up quickly! Don’t tell your mom! She’s such a heartless bitch.”
I interrupted and was like, “The doctor said he can’t have anything.” And she rolled her eyes at me. Fed the kid a ton of meat and a big bowl of soup, and wiped his mouth and told him, “Good boy, you’re full now? Don’t tell your mom.”
In a bit, his mom came back. And soon enough, a nurse came by too. Told them to go to the surgical ward and not leave their room until the surgery.
Our neighbours started putting shoes on the kid to go downstairs, when the nurse asked, “He hasn’t had anything to eat, right?” And the grandma was like, “Nah, nothing.” And I said, “Yeah, he ate meat and soup from that thermos.”
The nurse started demanding to know why they didn’t listen to the doctor. The mom started blaming the old lady. The old lady started cursing at me.
They left while screaming at each other, and the old lady never stopped swearing at me. The kid’s mom even took time out of blaming the old lady to apologise to me.
I don’t know much about medicine, but I don’t want to die, so I always listen to what the doctor’s say. My secret to health is, “Do checkups often, listen to the doctor, believe in fate.””
Comments say, “You’re a good person. A great person. There’s been a lot of stories of people who don’t listen to the doctor and give their kids food to eat, and then the kid ends up dying in surgery.”
A compilation of people defeating bullshit with bullshit.
“Went to a nail salon and they kept pushing me to get a membership card. And I was like, “Nah, it’s alright. I’m going to Ethiopia to build railroads next week. I just wanted to pretty up one last time before I left.””
“Because of my dad’s influence, I used to be super honest. Didn’t know how to lie at all. Now, whenever someone asks me what I do, I just tell them bald-faced I own a small business (restaurants, or accounting firm, or whatever), and I took a day off today because business is slow, don’t make much money, just 3K, I’ve got a four year old kid.”
“I remember when a coworker I didn’t know at all saw me eating salad and said, “All these lettuce leaves are super dirty, and you’re eating that?” And I was like, “Yeah, it’s because I’m poor. I just picked these leaves up off the ground at the farmer’s market. I only deserve to eat this kind of trash.” She’s never spoke to me again.”
“A coworker asked me once, “You made the most money this month, right?” And I was like, “Nah, only 70, 80K or so.””
“My MIL told me to have three sons, and I was like, “Three isn’t nearly enough! I want 11 sons! Make a soccer team for China! They can make a lot of money playing soccer, blah blah blah.” Every time she’d get pushy, I’d tell her that, until she dropped the issue.”
“I love talking absolute bullshit, especially people who think being a dick is their personality trait. I went with my friend to her company’s hiking bond-building exercise, and a couple of men came over like a cloud of flies, wanting to introduce a boyfriend to me. And I was like, “I’m gay. I’ve already gotten married overseas.” There was a little kid brought along by some other coworker, about ten or so, who kept calling me “auntie”, like he was trying to piss me off. And I was like, “Wow, what a cute baby! My son was just as cute as you when he was little!” And they instantly started to respect me.”
“Spewing bullshit is such a stress reliever. Whenever I meet uncles and aunties who have no sense of boundaries, I immediately activate bullshit mode, and we all have a lot of fun at the end of the day.”
“My relatives are like, “You got a boyfriend yet?” And I was like, “I’m getting married next month.” Once, I wore a wide headband, and my relative was like, “What is this? What’s it for?” And I was like, “I’m sitting the month right now.”
“I had a classmate who asked me why I was going to the store, and I was like, “to buy shampoo.” And he was like, “What do you need shampoo for?” And I was like, “…Because I like to drink it.” I mean, what else am I supposed to say?”
“A classmate got asked by someone to help him carry stuff, and she was like, “I can’t, I’m heading to my amputation surgery right now.””
That one about the Indian reporter has got to be false, right? No one outside of China really believes that Tibet has been part of China for 700 years, surely?