10/16/24 - Never showed up to work for 16 years and never got fired.
“What the fuuuck. This is so ridiculous, I almost think it was photoshopped!”
OP attaches a job advertised at the Shanghai 2025 Graduating Class Job Fair, where a large software company is looking to hire 2 accountants and 5 Java software engineers for 800-1499 RMB a month, and a design manager, media manager, and event planner for 2000-2499 RMB a month,
Comments say, “It’s okay, you can live better and buy more stuff on this than with 3000 USD.”
“800!? Is that a wage for a literal human being!?”
“Imagine your joy getting paid 3 bucks at the end of the month.” [Commenter attaches a picture of a job advertisement where they are looking for a cloud platform technical support for 1-1000 RMB a month.]
“There is only 150km between the capitals of North and South Korea. It’s only the length of Chengdu’s Tianfu Road…”
Comments say, “Holy crap, Tianfu Road is that long??”
“Holy crap. I studied in Chengdu for four years and never realised Tianfu Road was that long!”
“[pointer and thumb pinching emoji] is even a suitable emoji to describe gook national territory.”
“My brother’s English teacher said I wasn’t allowed to teach him how to write English anymore.
The black part is what the teacher wrote. The red part is what I wrote. I think mine is much better in terms of prettiness and neatness. What do you guys think?”
Comments say, “Which one you use depends on how they award points in an exam.”
“But when you’re in school, you have to write like the black part. Your letters have to touch the top line. All your letters have to be exactly right.”
“It’s not a matter of whether it’s neat, right? l, T, and h all have to touch the top line. All your letters are the same height as your Ts. Forget whether it looks nice, it’s just not correct.”
“This happened to a coworker of mine. He was dating a girl, confirmed they were in a relationship after three days, but all they ever did was eat out and shop. Never even held hands. The girl got impatient, so after eating one day, she suggested they go get a SPA together. Two of them in the same room, two massage chairs.
You have to take off your shirt for the SPA, and even so, he never looked in her direction, turned around to take off his shirt, and just enjoyed his massage. By the time he was done, it was well past midnight, and they walked around a bit more, and the girl said it was too late and there weren’t any more subways. So he called a taxi to drive the girl home and watched her leave.
A week later, the girl broke up with him.
ETA:
She was not pregnant. She didn’t try to scam him. She even gave him all her savings to invest with.
He is not gay, he’s just super naive.
They weren’t introduced to each other by a matchmaker, they met at a third-party dating event.
They didn’t dislike each other. Although he makes a lot more money than her, he’s not that wealthy. He’s just a normal white collar salaryman. She’s a nurse.”
Comments say, “Do you have any idea how much nurses make per year? You’re telling me a normal white collar salaryman makes way more than her!?”
“When men don’t sleep with women, it’s the women who start freaking out.”
“What is the purpose to this ETA?”
“Are all nurses super horny?”
“Just saw another display of human nature on Xiao Hong Shu.
A lot of international students will buy their phones in China, because Chinese-made phones are a lot cheaper than their international counterparts (even when they’re the exact same model, they’ll be cheaper and have higher performance). Then they’ll bring their phone overseas for longterm use, and start running into all kinds of problems—the biggest one isn’t actually not being able to use Google like you might think (this isn’t a problem at all, actually, since you can turn on Google services on most Android phones sold in China, and they have Google infrastructure). The biggest problem has to do with communication-related, like you can’t use a lot of services that local service providers offer. There might be 5G available and yet you can only use the shitty 4G. Not being able to take and receive calls…
Since these phones are almost useless, these international students end up having to buy a new phone where they’re at anyways—even if they’re expensive and not as nice as Chinese phones. Then they’ll go to Xiao Hong Shu and complain, “Chinese phones are all castrated and cheaply made!”
Like, how funny is that? When you’re buying a Chinese phone for dirt cheap, why did you figure that some things are just mysteriously cheap for no reason? Why did you end up having to buy an expensive, shitty phone just for overseas use? Have you ever considered that some things are cheap for a reason?
Think about it. If Chinese phones had to have a bunch of overseas functionality that’s completely useless to their Chinese customers but cost a lot of money and that drives up their prices, what do you think their Chinese customers are going to do? Do you think their customers would want this money spent on the processor, the RAM, or the cameras…or would they want it spent on overseas connectivity that most people use at most once or twice a year?
Once you get this, you’ll understand why phones sold in different areas have completely different levels of support for network function.”
Comments say, “You can solve all of this by just buying a OnePlus.”
“Back in the day, we were buying phones overseas and trying to figure out whether it’s going to support China’s 3G network…how things have changed.”
“I think back in the day, phones had a global version?”
A compilation of people lying at job interviews:
“I spent the whole interview trying to fool the interviewer and he spent the whole time trying to fool me. And once I got in, it was a job where I worked 7 hours a day doing easy as shit work and I could play on my phone.”
“Ten years of experience as a salaryman: go ahead and package yourself, be brave, get lucky.”
“Those people worried about background checks, unless you’re applying for an upper management job where you’re gonna get paid more than 500K a year, you don’t have to worry. Background checks have to be ran through a third party too. It’s not cheap either. Go ahead and package yourself, so long as you don’t go too overboard.”
“Somewhat packaging yourself is just necessary. If you act too conservative on your resume, your boss is going to think that means you’re gonna lay flat. A certain amount of packaging is just absolutely correct.”
“Once you got in, even if your supervisor discovered you’re a loser, so long as you aren’t catastrophically bad, he’d still put up with you. After all, he was the one to screw up. What would his boss think of him if he hired someone just to fire them right away?”
“I’ve got a classmate who was like this. She interviewed for an accounting job and said she had a year’s experience, but she didn’t even have an accounting license. But she got the job and she got paid 2000 extra a month compared to before, and she had social security payments. Then she just learned on the job and has been working at this company for more than two years.”
“I graduated from Qinghua University [top 2 in China], and in order to get a sales job, I lied and said I only had a high school diploma. Got hired and I make 50K a month now.”
“When I was interviewing, I told my now boss, “Hurry up and let me know whether I passed or not.” And she asked, “Are you waiting to hear from another company too?” And I was like, ”Yes.” And she hired me.”
“I’m an honest person. So long as there’s one job requirement that they’ve listed that I don’t fit, I think I can’t do it. But I work really hard at my job too.”
“I looked for an internship position for about a month or so, and most places never replied to me, or they’d look at my resume and then never get back to me. It was the same no matter the size of the company. I really had enough so I made another resume and made up a bunch of experience, and I got into the Chinese Academy of Sciences in just three days. I start my work next Monday. In the interview, the engineer was like, “You’re just an intern, so we don’t expect you to know what you’re doing. So long as you have the basics down, I can hand your resume over to HR right now.”
“There were people who invested in bitcoin as a partnership, each keeping half of the key. Then one of them died in a car crash and the other one just about went crazy. There was a huge amount sitting right there and he couldn’t touch it. He’d basically lost it forever.
Some people put their bitcoin in an exchange, and the exchange went under. What a tragedy.
So when it comes to bitcoin, you have to write your key down with a pen and hide it. That is the only proof that you own it. You can only trust yourself in the blockchain world.”
“Never showed up to work for 16 years and never got fired.
And for the entire 16 years, even though they weren’t there, they still got paid on time.
And 16 years later, their workplace is still gently calling for them to please come back to work.
See, this is why nationally-funded companies are great. An iron bowl sure is nice. If this was a private company, you no call no show for 3-4 days and you’ve be fired. What shitty treatment compared to not going to work for 16 years at a nationally-funded company and getting your salary on time anyways?
So what were they doing in the last 16 years?
Typically speaking, there are two scenarios. Either they went to a different company for a better paying job, and essentially getting two pay checks every month. Or they started their own business, using their position in the national company to make tons of money, while their original workplace keeps paying social security on their behalf.
Of course, not all national company workers are like this. People who’d dare to do this are smooth and have connections. You know what I’m talking about.
I gotta say. Damn, it’d be nice to work in a national company.
#Four workers in Jilin company never worked for up to 16 years.”
Comments say, “It’s all taxpayer money.”
“This is not the key point. The key point is that it’s not like they ever tried to hide that they were doing this.”
“Ahhh, this is surely the sign of a golden age.”
“Dude, this isn’t funny. I don’t recognise any of these words. Whoever invented English Level 4-6 is a fucking genius. Feel like my ass is on fire.”
The top comment is someone nicely providing a translation for all twelve words.
Other comments say, “I feel like I once knew them back in my student days…”
“They all look familiar, but I couldn’t tell you what any of them meant.”
“I don’t know about half of them. I know I suck. I said it first.”
What's the age range we are talking about for English 4-6? That strikes me as a reasonably high level passage for a non-English speaker to be attempting.