09/18/24 - See, it’s against nature to have no mobility in the government.
09/18/24 - See, it’s against nature to have no mobility in the government.
A compilation of people and their appetites:
“What does it feel like to not be able to eat anymore food??? I’m so curious. When I got covid, my throat hurt so much that I couldn’t even open my mouth, and I still squeezed a honey bun into a tiny ball and pushed it down my throat with a chopstick.”
“My husband got ran over by a car. His whole head was bandaged up, his eyes and mouth were both fucked up and swollen, and he’s been on an IV all night. When he woke up the next day in the early morning, the very first thing he said was, “Do you have anything to eat? I’m hungry.” The third day, his mouth was still fucked up, and when I got to the hospital from home, he was sitting up in bed, using the intact half of his mouth to eat a grapefruit. And then he asked me, “Did you bring the pork ears from home? I don’t want them to go bad.””
“I was so hungry after getting my wisdom teeth removed, I wanted to eat a lamb leg but couldn’t bite through it. Got so mad that I got out my blender and blended the whole thing into a smoothie and drank it.”
“This is my dinner while doing intermittent fasting.”
“When I’m alone, I like to find something to put in my mouth and chew on. Sometimes, I feel like I’m a tireless donkey or something.”
“When I broke up with my husband, I walked past a super tasty burrito [Chinese version] near his house and remembered that I’m not going to be walking this way anymore soon. So I went over and had the owner make me a burrito with everything in it, and walked home crying and shoving that giant burrito in my face.”
“Tonight, I ate three giant bowls of sweet potato porridge, one chicken drumstick+thigh, one naan bread [Chinese version], and one bowl of fire chicken noodles, and my mom told me to go bed on the streets.”
“I’ve never seen anyone as gluttonous as my husband. After the first wave of covid, he lost his sense of taste, and he got super excited and went and bought a whole bag of lemons. Said he was going to take advantage of this opportunity to see what it’s like to eat lemons like they’re oranges. He ate six lemons that afternoon, and never felt anything in his tongue. Got acid reflux all night long though.”
“Sometimes, I want to kneel down and beg myself to stop eating. Originally, all I wanted to do was make some instant noodles, but I felt that was too boring, so I washed a peach. Then I saw there was some spicy chicken feet leftovers in the fridge so I heated them up. Then I realised I still needed some vegetables, so I mixed up a mountain jelly beef tripe salad. I was about to start eating, then I realised I didn’t have any drinks. I felt like strawberry milk, but I also felt like coconut juice, so I got both out and finished them both. T_T”
“What does it feel like to have no appetite? I still remember having a fever and still walking 2 km to eat some mala tang.”
“I need to eat five meals a day. My cat has inherited this habit.”
“I knew when I had my wisdom teeth removed and had stitches in my mouth and still didn’t lose any weight, that some people are doomed to never lose any weight. I could be in mind-numbing pain and still keep shoving food in my mouth.”
A compilation of the lengths people have went to to save money:
“To save on labour costs, I decided to forge gold jewellery in my own bathroom. All the tools cost 200 RMB, 35 RMB for the mould, and I just bought raw gold for a little over 500 RMB per gram, and tiny diamonds for about 200+RMB. All together, it was 11 grams, and only cost 6000 RMB in materials, but this model costs 9000+ in Shuibei [China’s largest gold and gem wholesaler], and if you buy it at a brand name store, it’s going to be 14K probably.”
“I fixed my own fridge. The repair man wanted 400 RMB.”
“Got a house but didn’t have enough money for furniture, so my husband and two other beginners built a whole set by themselves.”
“My internet was too slow, so I tried to find someone who could change out my internet line, and everyone said it was too hard to do on my house and wouldn’t take the job. So in the end, I just bought all the equipment and changed out all my lines myself.”
“My washing machine broke and the repair man wanted 300 RMB. I searched on the all-knowing Xiao Hong Shu, and they said it was the clutch that was broken, so I bought one and it really did start working again!”
“I don’t know how to forge gold, but I can clean and fix ACs, fix computers, fix fridges, paint walls, and fold paper dolls [for funerary purposes]. I lost my job this year and I’m learning how to build coffins right now.”
“Don’t learn how to forge gold on your own. If you grew up and waste a gram, that’s 5-600 down the drain.”
“Why are you guys so good with your hands? Meanwhile, I got into the DIY circles, then sewing circles, then photography circles all to save money, and aside from breaking even on photography, I haven’t accomplished anything anywhere else and just wasted a whole bunch of materials, my money, and my time.”
“I tried to get my phone fixed and got quoted 50 RMB. So I tried doing it myself, fucked it up even more, and ended up paying 120 RMB.”
“Smart watch screen broke and I changed it for a new one myself. Almost had to buy a new watch. Saved myself 249 RMB.”
“I collected gold scraps from all the red pockets I’ve gotten, bought tools on Pinduoduo [Temu] for 50 RMB, total of 2.87 grams, spent 55 RMB total. Don’t ask. Just assume that my poverty has brought infinite willpower.”
“Why are all government workers so average?
Our workplace intranet’s system often has a bug where you can’t open up the status bar and it really affects people’s work. Before I came along, people would just reset their computers, eat some snacks, drink some tea, and chat while waiting for the computer to recover. Then I came along and discovered this problem while working, so I asked an IT friend how to fix it, and from that point on, if anything goes wrong with any computers at work, it’s my job to fix it.
Here’s an example. Our workplace hires an outside computer to make our power points, and no matter what the quality is, it’s a couple hundred RMB in costs. But if one of us makes it on our own, no matter how well you do, all you get is a word of praise. And now, aside from your actual job, you’re in charge of making all power points from now on. You have to work overtime to do them, and if you don’t do it well enough, people will complain and demand you make changes. Now everyone in the office claims they have no idea how to do power points.
A new guy came who knows how to take drone footage, posts vlogs to his social media every now and then. Then, our workplace wanted to make a promotional short video and put me in charge. I was asking photography studios for a quote when the boss suddenly remembered, “Hey, doesn’t so-and-so usually do this sort of thing? Let him try.” And I was like, “I dunno about that, drones can have all kinds of problems, and if it broke, we’d have to pay for it.” And the boss was like, “Oh, then never mind.” And I don’t know who this asshole heard the gossip from, but he thought I was trying to put him down, so he went and recommended himself to the boss. Then, his drone fell into the artificial lake and nobody’s ever said anything about compensating him, and it’s been two years.
You don’t dare to be anything other than average. When I first got hired, my coworker saw my resume and asked me to help tutor their kid. I agreed because I thought it would be fun, and I ended up doing a great job, so now all of my coworkers want me to go tutor their kid. Ever after that, my line is, “It’s been so long since my graduation that I’ve forgotten everything.”
Swapped offices, and my boss was going to some diplomatic training, and as his secretary, I got so bored that I spent an afternoon translating the English curriculum and itinerary, and even preserved all the tables they had in the original document. Now, all kinds of diplomatic work is falling on me as the secretary. From that point on, “I’ve been to Europe but I don’t speak any English.“
Our workplace hired some big name ad company to make a fancy but entirely useless power point that doesn’t follow any of our formats at all. They were trying to run special effects made on a mac computer on MS Office and it was all fucked up. I had to pull two all-nighters to basically do everything over from the ground up. And then, all kinds of important power points ended up coming my way. From that point on, “I don’t know how to use Chinese software.” Even now, I’m just an average dude who knows how to do data entry and maybe make a few phone calls and run some errands. I don’t know how to write any lesson plans, translate languages, do calculus, or make slide shows.”
Comments say, “This is so real…”
“All I can say is that this institution has fucked up management. How long has it been since you’ve had a government job?”
“See, it’s against nature to have no mobility in the government.”
#Jiancha Daily comments on Three Sheep Meicheng Mooncake promotion controversy [A case where a Chinese company made knockoff versions of a famous brand of mooncakes from Hong Kong, and a famous livestreamer sold it in his streams, and a lot of consumers ended up feeling defrauded when the mooncakes they got weren’t what they were expecting.] “The reason this Meicheng mooncake made people so bad isn’t just because people are unhappy with the mooncake manufacturer, it’s also because of Crazy Bro Yang’s false advertising during his livestream, fleecing his audience. Even before, Crazy Bro Yang [疯狂小杨哥] has been exposed multiple times for shady livestreaming practices and deceiving his audience. Why has he continued to be so active online? Is his repeated offenses related to the lack of punishment or supervision in this field? Aside from increasing supervision and punishments, do we need to further manage the livestreaming environment online to prevent streamers from selling knockoffs? How do we make livestreaming platforms take responsibility? We need to be far stricter, playing our role as goal keepers, increase audits on merchants, and ban and delete suspect accounts. The more famous a livestreamer, the more they need to be monitored. In addition, if influencers want to stick around, they can’t just care about sales and traffic. The only way to last is to put your audience’s interests first.”
Comments say, “If your conduct does not fit your income, you’ll be screwed by it in the end.”
“Their family doesn’t care.” [Referring to a cliched and common line livestreamers use where they’ll try to convince you that stuff is much cheaper in their livestream than on the market because they care about you as family, so they’re taking a loss to sell things to you extra cheap.]
“Before the police have confirmed anything, #Woman making power point to expose boyfriend for cheating with prostitutes is violating his rights. On the 18th of September, a woman in Shenzhen made a 58 page power point exposing her boyfriend sleeping with prostitutes and having one-night stands, drawing much discussion. #Lawyer wars against reposting the power point in question. A lawyer has spoken, “Before the police have levied charges, posting whatever information you have on hand on the internet could constitute a severe invasion of this boyfriend’s privacy, and you may be considered also guilty if you repost the post.”
Comments say, “Yes, it’s very important we protect the rights of whoremongers.”
“Resolve your romantic troubles in private. Don’t go around exposing people.”
“She should’ve respected his privacy instead of exposing him unilaterally.”