09/15/23 - So Chinese people really do know kung fu!
“Waking up too suddenly really could kill you. This was a rare case that happened in Jiangsu in 2003. A woman, 27 years old, was found hanging by her head and upper body with a sweater on her headboard, 43 centimetres off the ground, strangled to death. Why would she get strangled by her own sweater?
The coroner and forensic team eliminated the possibility of suicide after investigating the scene, instead theorising that she sprang up from a lying position to answer the phone on her bedside table, and passed out briefly from lack of oxygen to her brain. After she passed out, she fell towards the ground, but unfortunately, her sweater collar ended up caught on her headboard, and cut off blood flow in the arteries in her neck. Eventually, she died from lack of circulation and oxygen to her brain.
This is something that sounds like it’s straight out of Final Destination, and yet it happened in reality.
What I don’t get is that her husband, who was out working at the time, said that the night before his wife was discovered dead, he called her around midnight, and heard a short cry from her before the line went silent. Didn’t he suspect something was wrong? Why did it take until the next day before the MIL found his wife dead?
What a hellish world we live in.”
Comments say, “So, we shouldn’t call anyone late at night.”
“I’m confused why she was wearing a sweater to bed?”
“There’s a similar case in Beijing. Someone getting off the bus tripped and fell onto the railing at the side of the road, and their neck happened to get stuck in it. That case had a tragic ending too.”
A tiktok video of goddamn Chinese black magic. The blogger reposting this says, “Just scrolling instagram, and this video made my jaw drop three times. Forget white people—I’m shocked by this too.”
Comments say, “So Chinese people really do know kung fu!”
“It’s actually not that hard. I used to work at a big hotel, and my coworker could do it too. You just pick it up through enough practice. We had events going on multiple times a week, and there’d be 30, 40 tables every time.”
“I can’t imagine how many plates she had to break to learn this.”
“Chinese Instagram is full of the following types of posts:
Peaceful daily life—can my kid become a child model edition.
Female college student living on six-figures a month type.
I don’t want to break up with him no matter how much we’re not good for each other I just love him too much type.
It’s so obviously fake—I’m not envious at all, it’s just so obvious that you’re faking type.
Copy-paste dating a rich guy, get pregnant, husband dies, house gets eminent domain’d type.
Completely boring and pointless and yet insists on recording every day of their life so they can try to be an influencer type.
This literally has nothing to do with me but I’m still going to mansplain to you type.”
Comments say, “You forgot the “Sitting on a leather couch acting out unfunny skits plagiarised off of other people type.””
“Also, the “which outfit should I wear trashy brainless bimbo type”.”
“And the “begging people for recommendations but the comment section is full of MLM advertisements type.””
A tiktok video of a toddler’s POV when her parents go to work. She plays with the cat for a while, then tries to reach a ball that’s high up. She goes to her dad for help, but he explains that he’s working and asks if she can wait a moment. So she asks the cat to get the ball down, and it does.
Comments say, “Why does this little girl have two daddies?”
“I mean, that’s not so bad is it? One of them goes out to work, and one of them stays home to take care of the kid.”
“What a polite little girl. She asked the cat, “Could you help me get the ball?” and didn’t just demand, “Gimme the ball” like mine does.”
“My friend opened a “forest daycare” [a daycare which has significant amounts of outdoor, forested property] in Nanjing, and he’s observed a phenomenon in the last couple of years. Parents would send “problematic” kids to the daycare—by which I mean, kids whose psychology and behaviours are super abnormal in the eyes of adults. But what’s strange is that as soon as they come to this daycare, they become normal again.
Recently, a girl got sent to his place. Her mom claimed that she “didn’t talk”, “won’t eat”, and “refuses to communicate with other people”. After a while, he took videos of this kid happily eating lunch with her friends, playing with other kids, acting perfectly normally. Her mom was totally shocked when she saw the video, and quickly took the kid out of the daycare and sent him to school.
My friend remarked that all the “abnormal” behaviour the little girl was displaying probably had to do with the high stress of her environment in primary school. Because she’s young, she recovered very quickly, and it looked like she was “cured”, but long-term high stress is still going to have a negative impact on her future. Her mom was willing to “compromise” for her kid and at least temporarily remove her from the high-stress environment, but most parents aren’t willing to do that.”
Comments say, “Being close to nature wakes up the best part of people. When kids are close to nature, they get close to each other too, and it awakens the purest of friendship and love in them.”
“My son had all kinds of behavioural problems as soon as he stepped foot in a classroom too, when he was little. But as soon as he was in nature, he was a happy, bubbly, sweet little kid. So, where does the problem lie?”
“It’s kind of already pretty abnormal to label kids as “abnormal”.”
A tiktok video showing a 19 RMB buffet at a Dongbei university:
Comments say, “At first, I was all like, “Why is he taking so little? Is something wrong?” And by the end, I was like, “Oh my god, he is going to explode.””
“Watched the whole thing, and now I can’t get “I have to eat it” out of my head.”
“Reminded me of the video I just saw of the pickle feast at Korean universities.”
Another compilation of, “What’s the worst beating you got as a kid?”
“I deleted my dad’s scientific paper. My grandpa and grandma beat me after my mom and dad were done beating me. And my maternal grandpa and grandma beat me after my paternal grandpa and grandma were done.”
“I was playing with fireworks in my grandparent’s house when I was little, and as my grandpa went into the outhouse to pee, I threw a firecracker in the pee bucket and made it explode pee all over him.”
“When I was little, my grandparents were making dinner, and halfway through, my parents called them, so they left to take the phone call. And me and my sister took some firewood out of the stove to fight each other with. The sparks landed on the bales, and by the time my grandparents were done with their call, the whole kitchen was on fire. They couldn’t put it out at all. The kitchen ended up collapsing, and my sister and I didn’t care to go out at all. My grandparents were furious and were looking for us everywhere, and when they couldn’t find us, they called our parents again. We hid in the straw piles for two days, and only came out when we were on the verge of starving to death. The third day, my parents came back. Apparently, our grandparents thought we died in the fire. My sister and I were beaten for days on end. When a beating was over, we had to kneel by the wall, and when the adults were done resting, they’d get us up and beat us again. This went on for probably a week XD Later on, my dad and my uncle had to rebuild the kitchen for my grandparents, and the six adults took turns beating us again T_T”
“I was keeping a pet mouse in my blankets. My mom felt it while changing my bedding, and she screamed louder than the construction company next door that day.”
“I took my siblings to play with the big fire crackers on New Years, and threw it into the fertiliser pile behind the outhouse, exploded shit all over the neighbouring grandma. She ran out of the outhouse without even pulling her pants on. And that’s how all five of us earned our first beating of the year.”
“Went to play at my aunt’s house when I was little, and took out all her gold and silver jewellery and buried it all over town playing treasure hunt with my buddies. My parents ended up carrying a stick as they forced me to spend all night digging it back up and giving it back.”
“Playing with firecrackers at New Years, and ended up throwing it onto my grandpa’s grave. Told my dad that I blew up grandpa’s grave. That was probably the hardest I cried in my whole life.”
“My aunties were the same age as me. When we were in third grade, we caught a big rat in a trap. We figured that it was too much of a vermin to just kill quickly—it stole food and everything—we obviously had to torture it to death. So we found a string and tied the rat up, and beat it with a bamboo stick. Then, we got bored, and stole some oil to pour it and burn it. But the fire ended up burning through the string first, and we watched as the ball of fire shot out, and ran into the pig pen. Back then, the pig pen was made out of wooden boards and straw, so it caught on fire right away. Somehow, we had the wherewithal to open up the pig pen and let all the pigs and cattle out. But it ended up burning to the ground. My mom stripped me naked and beat me with poison ivy and made me rebuild my grandpa’s pig pen.”
“When I played with firecrackers as a kid, I set our neighbour’s straw bales on fire. That was an entire winter’s worth of food for all three of his cows.”
“I went playing with my buddies in the graveyard. Sometimes, when a graveyard is really poorly maintained, the coffins will end up getting exposed. And they’ll fall apart if they’re exposed to the elements for a long time. So we ended up stealing a femur bone out of a coffin and used it as a weapon to sword-fight each other. That night, after I got home, I started burning up with a fever. My mom asked where I went to play, and I didn’t dare to say it was at a graveyard, so I insisted it was just at my friend’s house. After burning up for several days, my mom took me to see a witch doctor and I got better. And she threatened me with a stick to get the truth out of me. That time, she beat me so hard, even my own dad couldn’t recognise me XD”