09/11/24 - A tutorial for how to make the best butt-airing tool that millions of people want—the peepee hat!
A compilation of the best job people have had:
“Worked two days at a new company and got told all work is going on hold. Went on paid leave for 20 days and got the announcement that the company is paying 1 month’s wages as compensation, plus social security and insurance payments, and ending all employment contracts. And I made 20K a month.”
“My job right now, I have to go to the office on Monday for a meeting, and I work from home the rest of the time, making a little above average income in a second line city. I’ve gotten so bored that I’m thinking about starting a second job.”
“Back when I was in school, selling chinaware in a china store. The owner paid me 1800 a month plus commission, and his wife would give me another 2K under the table. I had my first time with the boss’s wife too, and we went on for not quite two years. We had a kid together, and I’m still scared about it today…I’ve since changed my phone number and we’re not in touch anymore.”
“Back in 2015, in Fujian, a shoe factory owner told us to go build a factory for him, so I went over with a dozen people and went to the site, and it was still just all grass. So all dozen of us sat around and waited for the owner to buy equipment and buy materials, while we stayed in the dorm and played poker all day. We lounged around there for 7 months, getting paid 6K a month.”
“Two day weekends, insurance and social security, 3rd/4th line city, 10K+ a month. I get to sleep until I naturally wake up at least 20 days in a month, and once I wake up, I’ll go on a walk, then come home and get changed, play some basketball, and then barbecue. Every month, I get to go on a business trip to a coastal city. I’ve gotten so lazy that I want to quit my job.”
“5500 a month, played King of Honour for a year. Sat at the same cubicle and never moved. I don’t even unplug my chargers when I get off of work.”
“One year, our projects department actually finished all the projects we have on hand. Everyone else got moved somewhere else, with just two people and a cook left to stare at documents every day. We had nothing to do all day and just ate and slept and played video games and shopped for half a year.”
“Emotional companion, 300K a year, plus another 60-70K shopping expenses, and I only work a couple of days a month and no one cares what I do on my days off.”
“6K a month, I worked it for 3 months, two day weekends. Usually, we only have one busy day a week. Normally, we just play on my phones in the office. We don’t have a phone in the office, nor does anyone call us, and headquarters doesn’t care about us. It was so nice.”
“QA in a machine factory. My work every day just consists of walking around with a spray can and a ruler. If something isn’t up to standards, I spray it down and write up a report. And I just walk around on the factory floor. I quit my job later because I was too bored.”
[A 50-something woman divorced her husband and went on a road trip and became something of an influencer, documenting her journey.] A blogger writes, “Just saw an interview where a lot of people were accusing Su Min of abandoning her husband and daughter just because she wanted to go on road trips.
“If all the women in China start driving around for fun, would we have families anymore?”
The comment section was super lively:
“If a family needs a woman to sacrifice herself to go on, then maybe we don’t need such things anymore.”
“She came to this earth to live briefly with her father, then live briefly with her husband, then live briefly with her child. Thank God she’s finally given herself a home.”
A line from that article really stayed with me. “A woman doesn’t just need to be kind and modest and loving and motherly, she also has to suffer all the pain in the world before she’s allowed to break down.”
But what I noticed was that Su Min only started being visible and having some agency after she started making money and being strong.”
Comments say, “I went back to my hometown with my kid for a few days. When I went to visit relatives, I passed by my elementary school and four big villages. There were probably a dozen families along the way that used to be my elementary classmates’ families. I told her, “This is where my classmates live. This is also where my classmate lived. She used to lend me her pen a lot. This classmate and the other one were both named Yan.” And my daughter asked me, “Do you wanna go hang out with your classmates? Or have them come hang out with us?” And I was like, “They’re married off somewhere else now. I don’t know where they are.” T_T”
“Most women over 40 are broken or about to break down.”
“I’ve broken time and time again and picked myself back up time and time again T_T”
“A tutorial for how to make the best butt-airing tool that millions of people want—the peepee hat! Make one for your baby today!
A peepee hat is to prevent baby boys from peeing everywhere while you’re sunning their butt or changing their diaper. It’s so hot these days that it’s a lot healthier for your baby to air their butt out every now and then. I’m not trying to imply anything here, please do not read into this.”
The blogger did not include the video on how to make a peepee hat, but did include text instructions, which are to take a tissue, fold it diagonally across, then…bend it? Nest it? [窝起来—the term used here is very dialectically ambiguous] Then fold in the part at the top that crosses over, and fold in the two little ears, and it’s all done.”
And a compilation of comments underneath: “Save this video until your son is grown up, and he’ll give you a knife in the gut for Mother’s Day.”
“Could you please respect men a little? Next time, are you gonna come out with a tutorial for how to cover women up?”
“You can’t do this. It’s illegal.”
“Does this count as self defense? I was just walking past my kitchen, when suddenly, two egg tarts began threatening me, told me to hand everything over (I didn’t fight back at all at this point). I figured I’d just grit my teeth and let it go since I’m on a diet. After all, wise women don’t try to win in the moment. But my backing down just made them even more aggressive. They started assaulting my nose with their fragrance. That’s when I finally couldn’t take it anymore and ate back (I’ve practiced free-style eating arts for a few years, and won a lot of eating championships, so I had a lot of control, I only took a single bite). But they saw things weren’t going their way so they called up either friends. It was three egg tarts to one. So I couldn’t hold back and ate them all. Is this self defense?”
A compilation of comments, starting with a post from OP: “Thank you, everyone, for your concern. I’m going through the digestive process right now. I believe in the power of the stomach acid.”
“That’s horrifying. Do such things really happen in our country? So long as you didn’t get fat, everything is fine.”
OP responds, “I did get a little fat, but at least it wasn’t in a fatal spot. That’s the luck within my misfortune.”
“I don’t think the egg tarts ever admitted they were egg tarts….My hands are literally shaking when I typed this. What fridge horror.”
“Oh my god, that’s terrible. Don’t worry, sister, I’m a law student. I can defend you when it comes down to it. Even if Lord Red Sauce came, this is still going to be self defense!” [红油大老爷, a meme that came about when someone mispronounced 青天大老爷—a just and fair judge as 清汤大老爷—Lord Soup Stock. People made a bunch of memes of various Lords of condiments after that.]
“Oh no, I was just attacked just now too! The other side called up a dozen mochi cakes to fight me. I’m still fighting hard. Can anyone passing by cheer me on?”
“If you accidentally ate something, you better call up some Wallace to abort it.” [A fast food chain in China known for giving people the shits.]
“Justice may be late but it is never missing. I suggest you at least wipe your mouth clean after your crimes so you don’t leave as much evidence.”
OP responds: “Maybe I should take some digestive pills to hide the body in the shortest amount of time.”
“I saw the vast difference between groomsmen and bridesmaids at my friend’s wedding.
This is the first time I’ve been to a friend’s wedding. Maybe it’s just because it’s been a long time, I was actually kind of excited. In the middle of the ceremony, the bride and groom invited the groomsmen and bridesmaids to make a speech.
There were four groomsmen, all of them childhood friends of the groom, but what’s magical was that they all unanimously praised what a good guy the groom was, how they’re willing to help and support him through anything, and then gave their blessings.
And the bridesmaids were all the bride’s best friends, and rather than praising the bride, they all unanimously reminded the groom during their speech that he has to treat her well, take care of his family, treasure her.
After hearing all that, what I was thinking was just…is this the difference between girls and boys? Girls are going to think about how their friend is going to feel, how she’s going to get her happily ever after, but guys don’t seem nearly so sensitive.
I also really, really love what the bride did with her bouquet. She said that her friends are all young and ambitious, she’s not going to tie them down with a bouquet. And then she divided her bouquet into four and gave them to her and the groom’s parents. Man, that made me tear up. It’s super creative, but she has such a nice mutual relationship with her friends.”
Comments say, “By help and support him, they mean that if he cheats and gets prostitutes, they’re going to help him cover it up.”
“Because the man isn’t going to get bullied or be unhappy.”
“Because everyone knows that women have to sacrifice and compromise way more than a man in a marriage.”
“Went travelling with my family of three this week, got a double queen bed room. Once we got in, I was going to push the two beds together to make it easier to take care of the kid, but as soon as I moved the bed, I was dumbfounded. How is it this dirty? Do hotels never clean under the beds?”
Comments say, “Oh no! You found out! It’s not that we don’t clean under the beds, it’s that we sweep everything under the bed.”
“Where is this hotel?”
“If it’s a guest house, call it a guest house. Don’t call it a hotel.”