09/05/24 - Help women open water bottles before you hand it over, they fall for little shit like that.
A compilation of how hard it is to adult:
“A couple years back, my family was building a house and my dad wanted me to pitch some money in. I told him I didn’t have any, because I know that if my money was spent on concrete and bricks, it wouldn’t show at all. Once the house was built, I bought a whole bunch of appliances for the house. Now, whenever relatives and neighbours come visit, I don’t even have to say anything. They’ll ask, “Wow, that’s such a big TV you have. How much did it cost?” And my mom will be like, “Oh, my daughter bought that. I have no idea how much it cost.” And the relatives will be like, “You have such a great daughter. She’s not at all like mine, blah blah blah.” Now, I get a lot of face out of it, and my money wasn’t wasted.”
“My mom comes over to my house to hep me clean, but she doesn’t actually clean inside the house. She just cleans the corridor and staircase outside. Whenever our neighbours see, they comment what a great mom my mom is and how nice she is to us. XD”
“I only understood this last year. I just copy nice guys, plus a little bit of my own ideas. When I go out to eat, I know I’m gonna wipe my mouth when I’m done anyways, so I’ll bring over a couple extra napkins for everyone else. When I’m walking down the stairs with someone, I’ll say, “be careful”. (You haven’t done anything, but other people will think you’re really caring and you’re worried about them.) When I say goodbye to somebody, I’ll tell them to text me when they get home. When someone is ducking under a table to pick something up, hold your hand over the rim of the table for them. (All you gotta do is reach out, and some women will really fall for that sort of thing). If you’re carrying things and walking and someone else is carrying a heavy load, you don’t have to help them. Just tell them to take a break, hand them a bottle of water or a popsicle, and they’ll still think you’re a good person. But actually, you haven’t really helped them at all. Help women open water bottles before you hand it over, they fall for little shit like that. In general, it’s just all the details women ask for from men. If you can do it, then people will think you’re a really sophisticated person.
I’ve got another secret. If your parents fight a lot but won’t get divorced, but they complain to you all the time, you can’t tell them to get divorced because they won’t listen and they’ll just tell you off for being childish. In private, you can put down other people’s parents. For example, you can say something like, “I think dad/mom is actually not half bad. They’re not at all like [insert some other guy here]. My dad/mom only has this one little problem.” That way, they remember good things about the other person and they won’t be hung up and keep talking your ear off. Make them feel like their partner is already not half bad. It’s just working hard to make your mom and dad lovesick. (Unless it’s a fundamental value problem, then don’t give your parents any advice.)”
“When the elevator is about to close and someone is hurrying over, they don’t know if you’re holding the “door open” button and they’ll just think they got lucky and made it in time. But if you visibly reach out an arm to stop the doors from closing, the other person will be really touched. It’s the same idea.”
“I used to work hard at housework and my husband never noticed at all. He just assumed houses were always that clean. Now, I only do housework when he’s around at home and don’t touch anything when he’s not here. I don’t want any of my work to go to waste.”
A compilation of hilarious ways people have paid off debts:
“My mom’s friend owed my mom over 20K. She’s a middle school English teacher, and I happened to be in middle school at the time, so she came over every day to tutor me in English. She even got her husband to tutor me in math. Fuck, those days were a nightmare.”
“Argentina paid off their debts to Huawei with beaf. You can buy it at the Huawei Market. A lot of foreign countries are using goods to pay their debts.”
“Four of my friend’s geese got stolen. He called the cops and they caught the culprit, but he’d already cooked the geese. In the end, my friend got back seven delicious braised geese. He was furious.”
“Someone owed my dad 8 million RMB and couldn’t pay it back, so he showed up with 10 tons of Pu’er tea. My dad had no idea what to do with it, so he threw it all in a friend’s basement. Ten years later, that friend was moving, and my dad finally remembered that pile of tea leaves and hauled them out, cleaned them off, and pressed them into tea leaf cakes and sold them to some tea merchants for over 30 million.”
“There’s a little construction team round here building houses for people, and afterwards, the homeowner tried to pay the bill with a truck load of Banlangen [Chinese cold medicine made from woad]. In less than a year, SARS hit, and he sold those Banlangen and made enough money to open a jewellery store. He eventually ended up owning three jewellery stores and a dozen houses before he got sentenced to 15 years in prison for illegal fundraising.”
“Right before covid, my brother’s friend owed him 30K, and paid it off with 300 boxes of 1000 count face masks. It gathered dust in a warehouse for half a year with my mom bitching every day until covid hit. We sold 200 boxes and donated 100 boxes.”
“My brother says that someone owed his wife’s uncle a couple hundred grand back in 2000, and wanted to pay it off with a Siheyuan in Beijing. [A style of Chinese manor where four buildings form a square with a little yard in the middle.] The uncle wouldn’t agree to it. Now the whole family makes fun of him for coming thiiiis close to becoming a billionaire.”
“My family works in masonry, and 3-4 years ago, that hotel shut down and the owner used Casio sinks to pay off his debts. We’re still not done selling them all.”
“It’s just like last year, when Evergrande was giving out free cases of bottled water…”
“I’ve come across a lot of posts bragging about Zhejiang primary school classrooms too.
From the past perspective, the times really are getting better. Children are learning in a much better environment now.
But from the long term perspective, there’s no public health concerns at all. Nobody can see the elephant in the room (covid).
It’s not that we don’t have the ability to install air filtration everywhere. We just don’t seem to realise we need to.”
Comments say, “This is just a super normal public school in Yiwu. All the newly built schools are like this. Every semester is just 1000 RMB in food fees, and you can sign up for aftercare for 700 RMB per semester. There’s school insurance too, that you can sign up for or not, for 100, 200, or 300 RMB a year. Nothing else costs any money. The meals are a meat dish, a meat and veggie mix, a veggie, and a soup. And there’s snacks in the afternoon, different menu every day. All of that is included in the 1000 RMB food fee above.”
“Zhejiang has a lot of fancy classrooms, but most of them are public schools that cost 35K per semester.”
“With our industrial capabilities, we could’ve done better, but we’re not willing to face reality.”
#Scorpio is going to land at level 17 or higher. “This typhoon sure matches up to a badass name like Scorpio. You gotta be careful what you name things! Yesterday, people are still discussing where it’s going to land. Now? Look at the size of that thing. No matter where it lands, it’s going to fuck up the whole Southeastern shore. Scorpio is the constellation of power in the zodiac. It’s just too strong.”
Comments say, “News about it is everywhere, it’s coming in so fast.”
“Looks scary. I hope everyone will be okay.”
“I don’t think Scorpio is going to head our way.” [IP in Hong Kong]
”The National Sports Bureau is gonna have to do something here, not just because Chinese soccer lost 0-7 to Japan, but also because:
Throughout the whole match, the Chinese team didn’t look like they were playing soccer at all, but more like they’re putting on some kind of comedy skit. The ridiculous screwups they pulled dumbfounded people. If Japan didn’t take mercy on us, the final score would be over 10 points apart.
We were eliminated from the Asian Cup at the start of the year without making a single goal. Then we tied the chubster Singapore team in the World Cup qualifiers in March. Now, we were slaughtered by Japan 0-7. In just eight short months, China has managed to break its seemingly insurmountable record at how hard it can fail. They’re the joke of the Chiense sports world.
Japan first made it to the World Cup in 1998, and we first made it in 2002. In 2004, in the Asia Cup finals, we could still stand up to Japan. Now, 20 years later, Japan is one of the strongest teams in the world, and China isn’t even as good as amateur teams.”
Comments say, “Disband the national soccer team, start over from square one, hire people onto the team through competition, and if they aren’t good enough, they get fired. Destroy their golden bowl.” [“an iron bowl” is a traditional team for an incredibly stable job that you can rely on for the rest of your life—a bowl that can feed you for the rest of your life without breaking.]
“Thankfully, we only lost points at the 12th, 45th, 52nd, 58th, 77th, 87th, and 90th minute. We were able to fend off the Japanese team for the other 83 minutes, so we didn’t do too bad.”
“If you have to pull connections to play soccer, then this country is fucking done.”
“The Haikou Meteorology Bureau is armouring up.”
Comments say, “What about the glass next to the door? Doesn’t it need armour?”
“A lot of departments have this. It’s all pre-made and they pull it out every time there’s a big typhoon coming.”
“I knew it. They get the most warning.”
A compilation of the dumbest decisions schools have made:
“No elevators in the six-story dorm building, but two escalators in the two-story cafeteria.”
“No AC in the classrooms, but they bought 3 black swans for 20K each.”
“They moved the mail drop off off of school campuses.”
“I’m about to go crazy watching the amount of time it takes me to get a package go from 5 minutes to 15 minutes to half an hour. Goddamn this school.”
“Look at Tianjin Institute of Music. We fired all the dorm managers and janitors and are having students take turns managing dorms and cleaning.”
“No AC in 40C classrooms, but we bought a grand piano for our cafeteria.”
“They charge rent for AC in the dorms.”
“Could we not call the ground floor “level 0” and pretend that the dorm is only six floors high so they don’t have to install an elevator?” [Residential buildings over 6 stories are legally required to have an elevator.]
“Install AC for the students: No.
Spend 7 million building a fancy-looking gate: Yes.”
“We don’t save our money for ACs, and instead spend hundreds of thousands putting a fake rock in front of the school gate.”
“They’d rather install 15 fans in the classrooms than putting in two AC units.”
“The school bans students from riding scooters but teachers are still allowed to.”