08/10/24 - Is this a communist company, guys?
A video of an old lady being chased across the street by a Hema employee [grocery delivery business]:
Comments say, “The Hema assassin is coming!”
“When I was little, a lot of people said my art was too busy, that I was wasting my time drawing. Every time I think about how my tastes have never changed, honestly, I feel really happy.”
Comments say, “This girl is the queen of beauty. Anyone who doesn’t get it is so pitiful.”
“Your complicated and fancy line work is really unique. I fucking love your art.”
“If your art is pretty, then how can anyone say the time you’ve put in is a waste?”
#Wang Likun’s husband admits to spending millions on prostitutes. “According to Youdian Entertainment News, the hearing for the fraud case that Wang Likun’s husband, Jie Haoli, was involved in began yesterday. The suspected victim exposed in court that Jie Haoli is involved in up to 1.39 billion RMB of fraud. Jie Haoli has been spending these illegal gains behind Wang Likun’s back on prostitutes, paying 10K to 100K for each encounter, up to millions of RMB in total. Jie Haoli has admitted to all these accusations.”
Comments say, “Poor Wang Likun. She’s such a pretty actress too.”
“Were those prostitutes made of diamonds??? What the fuck.”
“So, was it 1.2 million in total between all the prostitutes, or 1.2 million each time??”
#Gaokao retaker did not get accepted by any school. “Afternoon of the 9th of August, the man who attempted to get into Qinghua at 35-years-old posted a video to his social media account, claiming that he did not end up accepted by any school. “I had really clear goals in mind—all the best medical universities in China. But because the score I got was relatively low, I didn’t get into any of the majors I wanted.” Li Long said that he picked the “no substitutions” option, so he did not get accepted. Li Long claims that before the exam, the lowest mark he decided he could accept was 650, with hopes of getting above 700 [out of 750], but he screwed up on Chinese and Physics, so his total score was far from ideal. “I lost in this Gaokao, but I won’t admit defeat yet. I’ll definitely prove myself.””
Comments say, “If your family is rich, feel free to keep going. There were plenty of people who could’ve become Xiucai [lowest rank of scholars in Dynastic China]. Just because you have hope and ambition doesn’t mean you also have talent.”
“He’s sure got a hold of the secret to wealth. Just be like Tang Shangjun [man who’s taken the Gaokao 16 times]. I’ll bet that he’s not gonna go to uni this year, and even if he did, he won’t stay more than 3 months.”
A compilation of people who misheard song lyrics. Basically all of these only make sense in Chinese, so I’m not sure how interested people are to have me go into them. But just so you guys know, it is so easy to spend years mishearing song lyrics in Chinese.
“Lately, Chengdu citizen Mr. Yang complained that the app his development uses to keep their doors locks will frequently pop up adds when you try to unlock it. It’s very easy to slip up and click into a shopping page. “You have to pay money if you don’t want to watch ads.” In response, the apartment managers in the development have said that they haven’t made the app mandatory. If you want to, you can keep swiping your actual card. The app company’s workers claimed that they only show one ad after you use your phone to open the door. “You don’t have to watch an ad in order to open the door.””
Comments say, “But the problem is that I’m already paying apartment management. If the apartment managers want to make their job easier, then they should be responsible for the associated pay.”
“If this wasn’t a promised free service, then I don’t think there’s anything wrong with an additional charge or making you watch ads. After all, you can just keep swiping your card like in 99.9% other developments. The app makes it extra convenient, but it takes funds to develop and maintain, so of course they need money too. Otherwise, who would write these apps?”
“Phones have NFC capabilities. Just load your actual card into your phone and beep your phone against the door every time. Then you don’t need this app anymore.”
“At 1:46PM, 9th of August, a cargo ship parked at the Beilun Pork in Ningbo suffered an accident. Initial investigation determined that one of the shipping containers exploded. Public information shows that the cargo ship “Dong Ming” belongs to Taiwan’s Yangming Ocean Shipping LLC. Dong Ming was built in 2011, with a container capacity of 6589TEU, flying the Liberian flag. The last stop it made was in Shanghai, and the next stop was going to be Xiamen. In the early morning of the 9th, it arrived at the harbour in Ningbo and began refueling. Around 3PM, Yangming Shipping LLC’s workers responded that the company will issue a statement regarding the incident.”
Comments say, “This reminds us that safety management for hazardous shipping is super important! We need to have much tighter supervision to make sure that every step is according to procedure. Relevant departments need to investigate the cause and settle this matter ASAP and inform the public.”
“It’s all America’s fault.”
“Don’t have as many medals as America or China? Australian media has come up with a new idea: we can rank medal winnings per capita!”
“If China wants to overtake Australia, they need to win another 1350 medals. That is more than the total number of medals issued in the Olympics!” Australian “9 News” website excitedly posted on the 8th. Although Australia’s ranking is currently behind China and America in the total medals rankings, if you count per capita, Australia comes top place with 1.5 medals per million population, an achievement that is enough to leave all other countries in the dust. Even sports hubs like China and America will slide to unremarkable positions.
Although Australia comes third on the original rankings, after their recalculation, they’re first place, while America and China are seventh and tenth place respectively.
Looking at the details, only Australia and the Netherlands get more than 1 medal per million, and Australia leads the rankings with 1.519 medals by a mile. If we count only gold medals, Australia still comes first with 0.667 gold medals per million population.
Now that they’re first in the rankings, various Australian media have been celebrating all over the place.
“This leaves all other countries in the dust!” the article brags. Although America is first in the total medals rankings, in this “per capita ranking”, they come an unremarkable 7th place.
And the highly populous China has fallen to last place, with one medal every 20 million people.
“China’s extraordinary athletes have taken a total of 65 medals, 25 golds, but their amazing 1.42 billion population pulled their rank low,” Australian media claimed, “Good job, China!”
The article even ran the numbers that if China wanted to exceed Australia in per capita medals, they need another 1350 medals, far more than what an Olympics gives out.
The second place on this “per capita ranking”, Netherlands, earned 9 gold medals, far less than Australia’s 18. Australia only has 10 million more in population than the Netherlands, but has double their medal count.
Even the host country France has been targeted. The article says that France only wins a gold medal for every 5 million in population. Although their total number of medals is higher than Australia’s, with double Australia’s population, their per capita numbers don’t look great.
After commenting on various countries, Australian media noticed the tiny Saint Lucia, with only a population of 179,000. But as Julien Alfred won their first gold medal on Saturday, they’ve reached 5 gold medals per million population.
“9 News” is a major news agency in Australia founded in 1956. Their TV programs lead in viewership numbers, and their website has posted an article on the top 10 countries in terms of gold medal count, total medal count, and population, calculating a medal count per capita and reranking all the countries.”
Comments say, ““They don’t even care about gold medals. They just want to enjoy the competition.” [doge]”
“I think ranking medals per capita makes great sense! We should assign number of participants based on total population too!”
“Okay, fine, you won. Happy now?”
“Oppressive parents mouthed off and got told off by parents.
So background: my mom’s always had a very oppressive parenting style. She loves putting me down in front of other people.
Today, we ran into a relative, and the topic turned to my job. My mom said that I found a job in the city, “but it’s not that great compared to other people’s kids. She hardly gets paid anything at all.” And the relatives heard that and was like, “So you guys need to work hard to help her buy a house in the city.” And my mom had no idea what to say to that.
God, that felt cathartic.”
Comments say, “I hate oppressive parents. That relative’s comeback was so good.”
“Please don’t put your kids down this way. Every kid shines in their own way.”
“Chinese parents just like to be humble in front of others. It has nothing to do with putting you down. That relative just has low EQ and thought she was being serious.”
#Pang Dong Lai [supermarket chain known for achieving success through treating their workers and customers well] janitors make more money than local government officials. #Xuchang has over 20 Pang Dong Lai training facilities. “The second Yonghui supermarket to receive Pang Dong Lai training begins operations again, and sees crowds of visitors. Before, Pang Donglai has already helped Jiabaile, Bubugao, and many other supermarkets. Countless companies are hoping to learn from Pang Dong Lai. There are well over 20 Pang Dong Lai training facilities locally. The reason so many owners are obsessed is because statistically speaking, Pang-ised supermarkets really do see a dramatic increase in revenue and visitor count. Have they found the miracle cure to the trend of dying supermarkets?
Why doesn’t Pang Dong Lai open locations all over the country? Reporters learn that it’s because the cost of opening up more locations is too high. Pang Dong Lai paid each janitor over 6000 RMB last month. In interviews, these janitors said that this is more than what local government officials make in monthly pay.”
Comments say, “Is this a communist company, guys?”
“But do Pang Dong Lai employees get six figures in yearly bonuses too?”
“I want to work at Pang Dong Lai T_T”
“My boyfriend confessed his love to me by making me do maths. Are you STEM guys all this romantic?”
[5201314 sounds similar to “I love you, forever and always”—我爱你，一生一世.)
Comments say, “Wow. That is romantic. [doge]”
“Of course STEM guys can be romantic too. There’s no set formula to expressing love.”
Glad both the American and Chinese internet can unite in clowning on Australia's "per capita" medal obsession