08/09/23 - You need at least two washing machines so you can wash underwear separately.
“A young man was scrolling tiktok one day in Shanghai, when the algorithm showed him a woman named “Zhang Jing”, because he “might know her”.
The young man looked at her closely and thought she might look kind of familiar, but he can’t remember where he’d seen her. So he checked the woman’s follow list, and found that she followed a person named Zhang Xiaoying. Zhang Xiaoying was in the young man’s contact list too.
The young man was a cop. The reason he had Zhang Xiaoying’s contact info is because of a murder case 30 years ago, when a woman named Zhang Jun killed her husband’s entire family and then disappeared off the face of the earth.
Zhang Xiaoying was the niece of Zhang Jun. Zhang Jun was Zhang Xiaoying’s father’s sister. After Zhang Jun committed the murders and disappears, round after round of police worked this case and could not find her. The young man was one of the cop that worked on this case once. After 30 long years, Zhang Jun’s parents had already passed away with old age. Even her brother had died. Her only living family now was Zhang Xiaoying, so the police saved Zhang Xiaoying’s contact info. It was because of this that the algorithm recommended to him Zhang Jing’s tiktok after analysing big data.
The young man carefully checked, and became certain—this was the Zhang Jun that disappeared 30 years ago! He immediately organised police to go arrest Zhang Jun. And he turned out to be right!
Let’s talk a little more about Zhang Jun. Why did she kill her husband’s family?
When Zhang Jun was young, he was introduced to a divorced man with a child. At first, she wasn’t very happy. She was still a young girl and didn’t want to be a step mom. But after dating him for a while, she found that he was very good at taking care of people, and his kid was very well-behaved too. So in the end, she decided to marry him despite the whole world warning her against it.
After marriage, Zhang Jun was very good to her husband’s son. They had a happy family together. But it didn’t last for long. Her in-laws came to Shanghai to visit them from the rural countryside, and once they settled down, they refused to leave again. When you have in-laws and a stepson living under the same rough, conflict never ends. The in-laws picked her apart at every turn. One moment they’d say she was wasteful, another moment they’d say she was lazy. Sometimes they’d say she abused her stepson, sometimes they’d say she wasn’t respectful to her in-laws. After a while, Zhang Jun couldn’t take it anymore and killed them all with a kitchen knife and ran away.
This case should be turned into a textbook, called, “How In-Laws Can Ruin A Family”, or maybe, “No Divorced Man Is Innocent.”
Comments say, “This isn’t real, right? Who had phones thirty years ago? Most families didn’t even have landlines.”
“Unless you completely stop using banks and phones, you can’t get away after a crime.”
“It’s been thirty years—that’s way past the statute of limitations, right?”
A long compilation of the drama going down at the TF Boys 10th Anniversary Concert in Xi’an, including someone who got bitten by a fan. A fan swearing that if blue lights don’t outnumber the other two, then she’ll slit her own throat in front of the stadium. A fan warning other fans to not hide all of their lights inside face mask boxes, and to tell security guards who want to open it and check that they’re all unopened gifts and if he opens it, he’ll have to take responsibility for it. Fans hiding lights inside the soles of their shoes. Someone at-ing the Zhou, Qin, Western Han, Xin, Eastern Han, Western Jin, Early Zhao, Early Qin, Latter Qin, Western Wei, Northern Zhou, Sui, and Tang Dynasties to do something about a fight between fans in the Olympic Stadium before the concert opened. Fans warning each other that the hotels have terrible sound insulation and to be careful not to leak secret information to fans of other members of the group. Pictures of teams of security guards standing by before the concert started. And fans rushing the security check point, so their lights can’t be taken away.
Someone asks a friend to help write an Acrostic poem, where the line start with 我,喜,欢,and你, meaning I like you. The friend produces for them the following poem:
我看明月月看你
喜你天经经似诗
欢马毕步步马恼
你碧思条条碧蝉
Which is not only Acrostic for the first column, but every column forms a word. I’m not really good enough to translate the poem (and I’m pretty sure the latter two lines of it doesn’t make much sense anyways), but I can translate what each column reads.
“I like you.” “The hell you lookin’ at.” “You’ll die tomorrow.” “Period cramps.” “Period cramps.” “The hell you lookin’ at.” “You’re a retard.”
A tiktok video uploaded by a tourist, who found a temple in Chongqing worshipping some kind of “evil Japanese God”.
In the video, he zoomed in on a samurai figure next to a Buddha statue, and says, “That’s from Japan. Take it down. If you don’t take it down, I’ll report you. I’ll go report you right now. I’ll report you to the Bureau of Ethnic and Religious Affairs, okay? That’s an evil God from Japan, do you know? It’s from Japan. Burn it! Burn it right now! If you don’t, I’ll report you right away. I’m not joking. It’s a cultural invasion. Burn it in a fire! You have to burn it!”
Comments say, “That old man just sorts the incense and stuff. He’s not responsible for this. You can be a bit more polite. If you want to yell at someone, find the monk who’s actually in charge.”
“Look at how messy the display it. I bet even the temple themselves don’t know what the hell that doll is.”
“Why burn it? Surely, we should save it to collect fingerprint evidence, and see who put it there? The old man clearly doesn’t even know what it is—most normal people wouldn’t notice something like that, right?”
A wechat friend circle question is posted, “With your husband’s level of love for you, if he became Emperor, what would he give you as a title?”
People show screenshots with their husband:
Girl 1: “Sweetie?”
Husband 1: “Yes?”
Girl 1: “If you were Emperor, what would you make me?”
Husband 1: “I’ll make you Dowager Emperor.”
Boyfriend 2: “What do you want to be?”
Girl 2: “I’m asking you.”
Boyfriend 2: “You’re a sagittarius, so you love freedom. I guess I’ll exile you for 1500 km. Hahahahahaha.”
Girl 2: “[Angry emoji] [Angry emoji]”
Girl 3: “If you’re Emperor, what would you make me?”
Boyfriend 3: “Concubine Urine, living in the Dripping Palace. [Evil laugh]”
Girl 4: “If you’re Emperor, what would you make me?”
Boyfriend 4: “Bottom tier slave in the slave camp.”
Girl 5: “If you’re Emperor, what would you make me?”
Boyfriend 5: “Guess you can be Consort.”
Girl 5: “I don’t deserve to be Queen?”
Boyfriend 5: “The Queen is like the Emperor’s mom, isn’t it? Fuck, do you want to be my mom?”
Girl 6: “If you’re Emperor, what would you make me?”
Boyfriend 6: “I’d make you Emperor. I’ll just be the Emperor’s bitch.”
In the comments, more people are showing what their boyfriend replied. “I don’t even know whether to praise mine.” Her boyfriend had replied, “Maybe…Champion Stand Up Comedian? Nobody wants to be the Emperor’s woman.”
Or the boyfriend who replied, “I’d make you Crown Prince.” To which his girlfriend is like, “Yeah, well, fuck you too.”
And the boyfriend who said, “I’d make you Celestial Emperor.” The girl asks, “But the Celestial Emperor doesn’t even live in the Imperial Palace.” And her boyfriend replies, “I’m the Emperor. I do what I want.”
“My dad’s sending a bunch of weirdo messages in the parents’ group chat when I’m already stressed out about starting at a new high school. I feel like I’m gonna be bottom of my class, and my dad’s just trying to stand out among the parents. I’m so embarrassed. This is so cringe.”
OP shows screenshots of their dad’s messages in the group chat, which read:
“Hi, parents of Class 6. When you’re driving kids to school the next day, you can park in the parking lot of Chuanggu Garden. It’s across the street from the school’s field. On the northwest corner of East Tangzhi Street and Zhenyuan Street is another parking lot very close to the front gate of the school. You can also park in basement level one of the Chuanggu underground parking lot. It’s free for the first hour, and then 2 RMB per hour after that. You can also park near the East Entrance of Chuanggu (on Eat Tangzhi Street), and come out of the western exit. Right now, this is free, and it’s only 200 metres away from the gate of the school.”
When a bunch of people are posting, “Thank you, teacher!” He writes, “I’m not a teacher. I’m a fellow parents. I’m just really familiar with this area. You’re all welcome. My office is right across the street from the gymnasium of the school, across East Tangzhi Street. You can watch the kids exercise 9:40 AM every day. If you need me to help pick up your kids, take or delivery stuff, it’s super convenient because all I have to do is go downstairs. You’re all welcome to drop by my office to have some tea and chat!”
Comments say, “How is it weird? He’s such a sweet guy.”
“You’ll only understand your dad once you’re a salaryman too.”
“But he’s being so helpful. All the other kids are gonna be nicer to you because of this too.”
A female homeowner shows off pictures of five laundry machines on her balcony, attracting a lot of discussion on the internet. She explains that the two right ones on the right are for her and her husband to use respectively. The wall-mounted washing machine on the left is for washing kid clothes. The two little washing machines in the middle are for washing underwear—one is for her kid’s, and one is for hers. [She doesn’t say, but on the bottom left is a roomba, in case you’re wondering.]
Comments say, “All you need is one washing machine and a bottle of disinfectant.”
“You need at least two washing machines so you can wash underwear separately. You don’t need any more than that.”
“We’ve got four. My husband and I both have a big washing machine, and I’ve got a small washing machine, and then there’s one for the cat and dog.”