08/03/25 - I’m getting married 1st of October. Can you show up as my ex?

“My boyfriend kicked me out because I have no job.

We’ve been together 4 years, and I’ve been unemployed for a couple of months. He wants to kick me out. Men are all pragmatic like that. If I can’t help him in life, then he can kick me to the curb. He owes 30K in internet loans, and every month, he takes out more loans to make his payments. His boss goes 2-3 months at a time without paying him, so he’s very stressed out, so he wants me to find work.

He’s never given me any money, I’ve always spent my own money. Sometimes, I’ll make dinner and wait for him to get back from work to eat. I do all the housework. He’s never done his own laundry. He only gives me 400-500RMB a month to cover rent and utilities. Every day, he comes back from work pissy at me, and he’s always really sarcastic. He vents at me all the time. He’ll yell at me if he loses at a video game or if he gets bullied at work. He’ll even yell at me in public or in front of our neighbours.

When I used to work, I still did all the housework. When he gets back from work or on the weekends, he just lies there and plays video games. He’ll shop for groceries on Sunday and think that I should be the one to cook and do the dishes and clean up.”

[OP attaches a screenshot of text messages with her boyfriend, which reads:

OP: “Never mind, I’ll move it. Just help me remove the rabbit cage when you get off of work. I’ll mail the stuff I’m not using back to my hometown first.”

Boyfriend: “If you’re acting like this, I don’t even know why we would stay together. Fine. You stay up every night and wait for work to come to you. You have more rabbit stuff than everything I own put together. I don’t know what you’re even doing with yourself. I want someone to work hard with me and make money, not work hard all by myself while you sit at home. I told you I’d give you a month.”

Boyfriend: “You have to make wise choices. Why would you quit? If you can make money, you should’ve just kept working hard. If you’re gonna just sit at home, you might as well go back to your hometown.”

Boyfriend: “Don’t move this month. Add the landlord on your Wechat. I’m gonna look for a new place and I’m gonna move out. I can’t keep doing this.”]

Comments say, “I really dislike the saying that men are pragmatic, like women are super fantastical or something. This is what you get when you sit around complaining about men all day but you’re not much better.”

“What a mess. I don’t have the energy to read all this. Life is hard enough already without having to supply all that emotional value every day. If you still don’t run, then I can only hope you stay together forever.”

“I’m gonna pretend to be her boyfriend and launch an account. My persona is gonna be the daily life of someone who took out loans to buy second hand luxury bags for his girlfriend. And then people will fight the gender war under both of our accounts. And then we’ll get married and start updating newlywed happy life and doing sponsorships. I’m the God of Death coming for everyone’s mammary glands!” [A lot of people believed that breast cancer is caused by being angry, so mammary glands are a popular meme under ragebaiting threads.]

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A compilation of where dialectic terms come from:

“The Southwest is the worst. Going to the bathroom is called jieshou [解手, literally “untying one’s hands], because everyone here was exiled here, so they needed their hands untied to go pee.”

“We call dinner here “hetang” [喝汤, literally drinking soup], because the Ming Emperor banned peasants from eating dinner, so all you got for dinner was hot water. And “soup” [汤] was the ancient term for hot water.”

“Dongbei dialect: “Look at you, nothing to do all day like the beasts.” 五脊六兽: Statues of mythical monsters that guarded houses back in the day. Nothing to do all day like the beasts means you got nothing to do except sit around and watch the house.”

“Luoyang has a saying for saying someone is really impressive or sarcastically mocking someone, people will say, “You’re so jiasi [驾四], because the Emperor had six horses, and various Dukes had four horses, and officials had three horses. Because you had to be respectful to the Emperor, you can only call someone a Duke with four horses.”

“Everywhere calls streets [街] gai. For thousands of years, it’s been pronounced gai.”

“Hebei dialect: 不沾弦 [buzhanxian, not touching the strings]. It was an instrument really popular in ancient times, where every household knew how to play it. If someone didn’t know how to play it, then that person was incompetent. So buzhanxian means an incompetent person.”

“Some places in Sha’anxi calls pigs 彘 [zhi, instead of zhu]. The first time I heard it, I didn’t realise and thought it was just a matter of accent. Then I realised they were actually saying Zhi.” [A very ancient term for pigs that hasn’t changed at least since the Han Dynasty.]

“We have a dialect term for trembling, pronounced hesa, and it’s actually 觳觫 [husu] in Ancient Chinese. The Xuan Emperor of Qi once said, “I cannot stand to watch him husu.””

“My hometown is at the border of Jiaozuo and Wenmeng County, and we call maternal grandpas “Lord Wei” [魏公] here, because one of Cao Cao’s daughters married to our county, so we used the same terms that her children used, and all grandpas were called Lord Wei.”

“This is why we have to preserve dialects. In my hometown, we called butterflies Liang Shanbo [male lead in a romantic Chinese folklore about star-crossed lovers who turned into butterflies in order to stay together]. When I was little, I didn’t get it, but now? Hahahahaha, it makes sense.”

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Another compilation of lost love:

“My husband’s been acting funny lately. While he was sleeping, I went through his phone and found it was a young girl who loved eating what in my eyes were junk food. I saw that my husband frequently ordered her hamburgers and coke. I wanted to scream or cry or freak out, but I didn’t, because I’m already 40-years-old. I have kids. I can’t afford to divorce. So I sat there for a whole night. The next day, my husband woke up and saw me sitting by the bed and frowned and asked me why I wasn’t making breakfast already. He didn’t see how bloodshot my eyes were or how heavy the bags under my eyes were. I said I wanted to eat hamburger and coke. He said I was insane, eating hamburgers at my age. If he had that kind of money, he’d rather spend it on groceries. And then he left without looking back. After he left, I ordered myself a combo meal, the same as he ordered for the little girl. It was my first time eating a hamburger, greasy fried chicken, sweet sauces. I didn’t like it. I wanted to drink some coke to get rid of the taste, and it only made it worse. I had to put down the coke in the end. I don’t like these, just like I’ll never be as young and lively as that little girl.”

“New Year’s Eve dinner, I just whipped up a feast, and I found a pink hair clip and some primer that didn’t belong to me in a corner of my husband’s sink. I grabbed what little cash I had left and got a taxi from Shenyang to my little place in Anshan. The New Years fireworks were resounding in the sky. The millions of lights of households blinked in and out. Not a one of them belonged to me. I stayed up all night to draft up a divorce agreement, and when I finally woke up again, it was noon. I hesitated and still ordered myself some stir fry. I’m allergic to green onion, and at the time, he never remembered, and I never wanted to hold it against him. I just took on all these little tasks myself, picking the green onion out of my food just like I picked the little splinters out of my life. I told the owner, “No green onions, thank you.” And the owner very quickly responded, “Okay.” And I regained a sliver of hope in life, looking forward to this stir-fry with no green onions just for me. The last time I ate Majia dumplings with my friends seems like lightyears ago. The food was delivered very quickly. It was still warm when I got it. But when I opened, I froze. Just like every meal I ate with him, there were green onions mixed into the food. All these years, all those meals, I always had to pick my way through them. “It is unspeakable to delay a woman.” Today is the start of a new year. I received a sincere apology from the restaurant and I don’t want to leave a bad review. There’s always nostalgia where the new replaces the old, but I have to keep walking forward. I’ll just leave this green onion filled meal in the wind.”

“2008, my brother had a car accident. He was 23-years-old that year and he became paralysed from the waist-down, and he couldn’t move out of his bed. His girlfriend was on a work trip at the time and came back overnight when she heard the news. She didn’t cry at the hospital. She smiled and petted my brother’s hair and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll always be by your side.” At the time, we all thought she was just being polite and none of us took it seriously.

But she really did it. From 2008 to 2017, she stayed with him for 9 years, from when she was 20 to 29. Start of 2017, my brother passed away. It was bright and sunny that day, and it was the first time I’ve seen him cry. Everyone in my family is always saying how we delayed her future. For the last four years, he’s been helping my family with business.

I’m not very close to her. I’m not very good with words and I don’t like to get close to people. I don’t know how to say thanks. She’s really the best girl I’ve ever seen, beautiful and kind. I’ve always called her sister for 16 years now.

Last year, she got married. Whoever married her is lucky as hell. It’s so sad that we were lucky enough to meet, but not lucky enough to stay family. I’m happy for her, that she’s found her happiness. The day of the wedding, I went to her place to help out, and when she saw me, she pulled me aside and whispered to me, “Can you call me sister-in-law just once? Tomorrow, I’m going to be someone else’s wife.”

That’s when I burst into tears.”

“The night of my fifth wedding anniversary, I found that my husband cheated. I was very calm. There wasn’t any of the fighting or arguments I imagined. He openly admitted it, and the next week, we went to get divorced.

On the way to the Civil Affairs Bureau, I asked him, “Did you know what that day was?”

He said, “It was our fifth anniversary.”

I froze. I didn’t expect that to be the answer.

He knew everything. He knew it was our anniversary. He knew I would stay up waiting for him. He knew I would plan things out. He knew if he said he was working overtime, I wouldn’t argue with him. I would just think he was working hard for our sake. He knew he could buy a necklace that I didn’t even like and I would be happy about it. He knew I loved him.

After a while, I asked him why it had to be that night. His mouth twitched and he answered, “No reason. She wanted to be with me that day.”

My tears fell with his answer.

Through my hazy tears, I swore I could see a bright teenager sprint toward me and in between gasps, he’d say, “It’s okay, I’ll always make time if you’re free.””

Screenshots of texts:

Ex: “Are you running into trouble lately? I saw you sold your Honour of Kings account.”

OP: “None of your business.”

Ex: “Your temper hasn’t changed a bit. Remember the silver bracelet I gifted you once? It’s gold underneath.”

“A couple of days ago, I went back to my hometown.

The house that we built when we first got married has peeling walls now. The humidity has created swathes of mold. It was falling apart. My family had moved out years ago, nobody lives there anymore. It’s empty and broken down and barely holding itself together.

My husband and I walked along the fields. I was wearing a dress, and in this season, the wheat is bowed low with grain and it rubbed against my neck. He saw and he stuck out his hand to protect me the whole time.

We went to the Hope Elementary School we studied at, which is called Jianye Elementary now. We walked along the old path that I would walk to his house on the New Years when I was a child. The path he walked to my house to go to school together. The path I walked whenever I wanted to go on a secret date with him. And the path his parents walked when they came to ask my family for my marriage.

I still remember the day we got married, the fireworks we set off dyed that road red like a sea of fire.

We worked hard together, and went from small town test takers to fairly comfortable. At our lowest point, we were scammed, and we lived in a rental where the windows didn’t close. Whenever there was a typhoon, the rain would turn the unit into a swimming pool. The wind would blow right in during the winter, and even at the coldest, we couldn’t afford to turn on the heat. We’d sleep on a single bed and hold each other tight for warmth. If one of us spoke up, we could talk all night long.

At the time, we loved each other more than anything.

We’d spend 10RMB on some sweet chestnuts and only eat it once the other person got some.

Our worst years were when we loved each other the most.

At first, I worked in his company as an accountant, a secretary, a purchaser, a front desk, a logistics, everything. And he didn’t disappoint. The company grew bigger and bigger, and once he became more successful, his temper got better. When we fought, he almost never actually argued and debated me anymore. He’d just grab his keys and leave.

I knew what he meant by that. If I don’t want him, plenty of people do.

He bought me a house. Our car got more expensive. When I occasionally go to his company, there’s a special person there just for serving me. His secretary is very polite too, always kissing up to me. Sometimes, I remember the very first big order we got, he came in from outside and said, “Wife! I did it!” And I’d immediately stand up and call him, “Hi, President Lin!” And we’d laugh in an office of only us.

He had more business dinners. At first, he’d take me. Then he said it was too exhausting and I didn’t have to come. Someone told me that he hired on a hot secretary. I was pregnant at the time, and I told him I was worried. He said he really needed her, and that we’ve been together for years. Didn’t I know what I meant to him? Why couldn’t I trust him? So I did.

I met that hot secretary later. She came to give a gift when my daughter turned a month old, and she naturally readjusted my husband’s tie and brooch.

I know nothing happened between the two of them, at least at that time. I owned stock in his company. I didn’t have to do anything to earn money. I had a bullshit job that I can show up to if I want. I have spies in the company. He knew too.

Nobody ever said he did anything inappropriate.

But I knew. I knew everything. When my daughter was one years old, she had a sudden fever at night, and he hurried to the hospital with his shirt buttons all messed up. He’s a very strict person. He wouldn’t be in such a state unless he was in a panic. What was he doing that required he put his shirt back on in the middle of the night?

I told him to switch secretaries, and he did immediately. He got a new secretary at work, but not in bed.

I wanted a divorce, and he refused to agree. And slowly, the love between us disappeared.

He asked me what I wanted, that I knew the books, and all his money was with me. What more did I want?

I told him he knew exactly what I wanted.

And he said that you women are all romantics. It’s normal for a man to play along while outside. He said all the CEOs around him were the same, and their wives are all okay with it.

I said that we were different.

In the end, nobody could talk us down. He said he didn’t want to go to court for divorce, so he went back to my hometown with me.

And on that road, as we walked along, he said he knew what I wanted now. He said sorry. I heard that his voice had gotten hoarse. He said he screwed up, and he tried to hold my hand.

I hurried on a couple of steps ahead. In another couple of steps, we’ll pass by the hill. When we were young and wanted a date, I would sneak out of my house and climb over this hill, and a 17-year-old him would be waiting there, smiling at me.”

Another text exchange:

Mom: “I’ve never been to a city before. How do I get around, baby?”

OP: “Mom, my cancer isn’t going to get better. It’s terminal already.”

OP “[transfers 3586.88RMB] Sorry, mom, I don’t want to keep doing treatments. I can’t take care of you. This is all my money for your old age. Sorry.”

Mom: “Wait for me. It’ll be okay once I get there.”

“It was an especially snowy winter, and the head teacher suddenly told me to go to the front gates of the school. “Your family has something for you.”

The only person in my family was my grandma who raised me by herself. I hurried to the gates of the school, and my eyes watered when I saw the tiny, emaciated old woman at the gates. She didn’t even know how to take the bus. But she was worried I was cold so she walked all the way to deliver me thick blankets. I have no idea how long she walked in weather like this.

“Why did you come? It’s so cold!” My grandma handed me the blankets and told me with loving eyes, “Study hard, girl.” I received her love with teary eyes.

She delivered me such thick blankets. What about at home? Does she have any for herself? I felt very anxious and I asked for a day off from the head teacher and I went home with my thick blanket. My grandma was making crafts on her little stool. She was getting old, her eyes are going, but she couldn’t justify a pair of reading glasses.

Last year, I secretly put aside money and bought her a pair, and it was the first time my grandma ever yelled at me. She said I was wasting money and made me return the glasses. I swore at the time that I’m going to be successful. I’m going to take care of her.

Before she could react, I rushed into her room. There was only a summer blanket on her bed. I can’t even imagine how she planned to survive this freezing winter. I dumped my thick blankets on her bed. “Grandma, I’m not cold! My dormmates have extra blankets!” After comforting her, I went back to school.

The Gaokao was in just 6 months. And I got into a great university. I finally have the ability to take care of my grandma…

And I wake up from my dream and burst into tears. Because in that freezing winter, I didn’t go back home. And the neighbour Aunt Zhang said that when she found my grandma, she had frozen solid.”

“I’ve been together with my loved one for four years, and we always stopped at just normal physical contact, because I’m pretty resistant about anything more than that. One day, as we were chatting before bed, he asked me why I kept refusing, and joked whether or not I even loved him. I was silent for a very long time, and he noticed that my mood was off. He immediately hugged me and apologised. I told him that it was because when I was in primary school, I was molested by the butcher next door that sold beef and lamb. He forced my clothes open with his greasy hands. After I finished, my loved one was silent too. In order to lighten the mood, I laughed and said that the guy had awful breath. It stinked worse than the landfill we walked past that afternoon. The more I think about it, the more I feel like the world is unfair to me. It’s ridiculous. My loved one laughed too, but when I turned to hug him, I saw him sobbing, tears pouring down his face. I froze, and it took me a while to realise I should get a tissue for him. He took the tissue and scrubbed it across his face, and I made fun of him for crying as a grown ass man. He snuggled up and wiped away the tear at the corner of my eyes and hugged me tight and wailed. He said he’d always love me and protect me and treasure me.

Later on, we decided on an engagement date, and as we were celebrating, a 17-18 year old girl added me on wechat and said that she saw my photo with my boyfriend on the internet, but she was pregnant. She apologised to me. She had no idea my loved one already had a girlfriend. She’s afraid of telling her family, so I gave her money for an abortion. I gave her 20,000RMB and told her to keep going to school. Afterwards, I broke up with my boyfriend. I’ll never understand what love is.”

Screenshot of two text exchanges:

OP: “Mom! Happy birthday! Can I visit you this year? You said last year that I can come to Shanghai to visit you for Labour Day this year. <3”

Mom: “Stop messaging me. If your uncle see, he’ll be unhappy. And it’ll make Jiajia upset too.”

OP: “[blocked notification] Mom, I’m your kid too. Why?”

OP: “Dad! Is your pneumonia any better? Did you take your medicine on time?”

Dad: “Thank you for your concern, I’m much better.”

OP: “Dad, can I visit Wuhan this year? I miss you. And I miss my brother too.”

Dad: “Thank you for your concern but this year won’t work for Wuhan. Your aunt and I are going to Guiyang for vacation. Your brother is doing fine. He got 90 in his last exam. Don’t come back. Your baby brother is only 9 months old and he cries at strangers. Don’t contact me anymore, just live your own life.”

OP: “[blocked notification] Okay, I get it.”

OP: “[blocked notification] Dad, I’m your kid too. My mom doesn’t want me either. Nobody loves me now.”

Screenshot of a text exchange:

“I’m getting married 1st of October. Can you show up as my ex?”

“Sorry, my sister passed away in May. Had a car accident on the highway. All her functioning organs were donated according to her will. You’re someone my sister loved before she passed away. Please allow me to say congratulations on her behalf. There’s a photo of your wechat payment code in my sister’s wechat, and I’ve sent over 10K as a wedding gift. If you don’t have anything urgent, stop texting this number. This is the only way I have of remembering my sister. My sister said in life that the biggest regret of her life was not marrying you.”