07/20/23 - If women really got something out of marriage, then men wouldn’t want to be married anymore.
A blogger reposts a post on instagram, asking, “What kind of Chaoshan culture is this?”
Comments explain, “It’s a part of the parade around New Years in the Chaoshan area. Girls are asked to carry the embroidered flag, and men carry the God statue. It’s the same parade, but only men can go near the sacred statue…”
“Yeah, it’s some local culture where all the girls of marriageable age in the village are all dressed up to carry flags, especially if they’re good-looking. So all the local girls think it’s a great honour to get chosen. All the guys of marriageable age will have their parents or matchmakers go watch the parade, to pick out a wife for them.”
“They only allow unmarried girls carry the flag. You guess why.”
There’s a screenshot from Chinese wikipedia explaining that, “In a lot of rural villages, they hold a parade in the daytime, and at night, strong men carry the statue in a carriage and sprint through the streets around the temple. They call this “settling the temple”. Carriage carriers are volunteers, but only men who are recently married or have sons are accepted. After the sprint, people will set off fireworks. After the fireworks, the statue can be returned to the temple. The carriage carriers are supposed to run as fast as they can, to the point that people watching the parade often cannot keep up, or lose their shoes trying to run after the parade.”
A blogger reposted the social media post of his friend, who’s studying abroad in Germany, saying that he’d seen his friend’s social media posts before, which are always a mix of Chinese and English. The sentiments of gratitude and appreciation he shows towards European strangers are overflowing. OP felt shocked and disgusted, and wondered to himself whether these academic elites even feel any sense of belonging in China at all.
The social media post reads, “I am so fucking done with Google Maps. I was done to my final 5% of power on my phone, and it won’t show me where the bus station is. I ran into a super nice Berlin-native grandpa, who helped me find the station. It was like a whole kilometre away from where Google Maps swore it was. The grandpa even watched me get on the bus.
He was so nice. Returning to Berlin really feels like coming home.”
The follow up post reads, “I guess I’ve just been in a sensitive mood all day. As soon as I set off from the hotel, it started raining outside, and my friend gave me his hoodie since I was wearing a dress. He walked the whole way in just a short-sleeved T-shirt. He even held his umbrella over my head the whole way. When I was about to board my flight, I thought I’d forgot my passport, and was about to have a breakdown in the airport, and my friend kept telling me to relax, that we can figure something out. He even helped me check in my oversized luggage. I just feel like everyone’s been so nice to me all day. I hope I can be someone who brings warmth to other people some day.”
Comments say, “Isn’t this pretty normal when you’re travelling? I visited Xiamen before, and when I got helped by people, I also felt super grateful, like people from Xiamen are the nicest people in the world.”
“You call that a uni student? That’s a fucking retard.”
“Why the fuck is she speaking English in Germany.”
“Yes, your eyes aren’t playing tricks on you! There’s a boy in China’s synchronised swimming team!
China’s synchronised swimming team got gold in the 2023 Fukuoka World Aquatics Championship. That’s right, China’s team was composed of 7 girls and 1 boy. There’s a boy in it!
In order to promote gender equality, from 2024, in Paris, the Olympics are going to allow synchronised swimming teams to have up to 2 male team members.
He is like a single green leaf in a bouquet of flowers. The only male team member, Shi Haoyu, is receiving his medal alongside all the girls!”
Comments say, “Why doesn’t he have to shave?”
“To promote gender equality. Lol. Don’t make me laugh.”
“Men don’t have to glue their hair down? They really do get special privileges in every field.”
From the early morning hours of the 21st, Chongqing has been having downpours of rain. Many people are walking through knee-deep water to get to work. A local bed and breakfast owner said that the bottom two floors of his hotel were flooded and the elevators stopped functioning. They have to use the stairs for all their work. And when some customers check out and need help with their luggage, they have to climb 10 flights of stairs to help haul luggage down.
Comments say, “That’s way too much rain! Stay safe, everybody!”
“That’s such a nice owner. If people can help each other out, they should.”
“Xi’an’s been raining too.”
“I’ve been seeing a lot of stories lately, where grandparents or parents urge their daughter to get married, and the daughter asks them, “What’s the benefit of marrying?” And all her seniors fall silent.
—See, this proves that there’re no benefits to marrying. Anyone urging you is instantly shut up.
No, this only proves that older Chinese people haven’t been educated as much. They don’t know how to put their feelings into words. I’ll help.
Here are the benefits of getting married. All of the following are possibilities, but if you don’t marry, then you don’t have these possibilities.
Dual income means a family’s resources increase. The more people who are making money, the more money that can be made.
Reduces expenses. Two people living together incur less expenses than two people living separate lives. Basically, to put it super simply, if you both use one internet package, it’s a lot cheaper than both of you owning your own individual internet package.
Stable sex life. Even if you’re the hottest person in the world and have people pursing you every day, you’ve got to pick out the guy you want, flirt, do foreplay, and all of that is a big waste of time and energy.
A stable partner to help you with children. It takes a village to raise a child. For example, just dropping your kid off at school, it’s the most efficient to have one person drive, and another person walk the kid in. Kindergarten plus primary school add up to 9 years. If you go twice a day, 200 days a week (and don’t sign up for tutoring during summer or winter break), that is 4000 times you’ve got to send them off to or pick them up from school. If you’re raising a kid alone with just your mother’s help, if either of you get sick, it’ll be a huge hassle.
You can problem solve together. Should you change houses? Which house should you buy? You can make a budget together. Which school should you send your kid to? You can talk it out together. How do we go about treating sick old people? You can discuss between yourselves.
Companionship, both mentally, physically, and sexually. You can tell each other about what happened at work, go for a walk in the evenings, watch porn, discover new positions. You can fart in front of each other in bed.
You can take advantage of each other’s network. I’ve seen a husband’s relative finding a job for his wife’s relative. I’ve seen a wife’s relative take on a husband’s relative in their lab.
You’re each other’s insurance for getting old, becoming unemployed, or getting sick. If one of you loses their job, the other one can step up. If both of you lose your jobs, you can at least start a burrito food stall together.
The best marriage can fulfil all of these at once. It’s the sum of getting a friend+family+lover+partner. Even poor marriages can fulfil some of these, some more, some less. A lot of people complain about their marriage, because all they see is what didn’t get fulfilled. But the reality is, if they really got nothing out of marriage, they would’ve divorced a long time ago.
Are there marriages with dead bedrooms? Yeah, but does he turn in his salary? Yes, most of the time. Are there marriages where he never helps with children? Yeah. But you probably still have a sex life.
At least 60% of marriages in China last until one party dies. Aside from parent-child relationships, no other form of relationship holds such a high percentage, whether it’s dating or friends. As for long-term dating, I’ve done some statistics. Whether it’s between same-sex couples or hetero couples or in adulterous relationships or what, the longest time a long-term relationship has lasted is 18 years. And there are very, very few people who date each other for over 10 years.
All of these ratios are way, way lower than marriage, to the point where it’s not worth considering them.”
Comments say, “If you’ve got enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life, then you don’t really need marriage.”
“What you’re describing is the best case scenario, but so few marriage ever achieve this in real life.”
“A reduction in expenses only works if you don’t have kids, right? I feel like if women really got something out of marriage, then men wouldn’t want to be married anymore…”
“Some internet comments say, “If a kid is sitting quietly on the train, and a stewardess comes over to remind that, “Parents need to keep a close watch over your kids. If they start fussing, please go comfort them in the space between train cars.” This sort of reminder is just like reminding grown adults to “Keep an eye on your valuables”. It comes from a place of good will.”
That’s a bunch of horseshit.
If someone gives you advice without your asking or permission, that’s offensive. It means that from their point of view, you’re doing things wrong, or you’re about to make a mistake. That’s why they could come over to caution you.
Of course this doesn’t come from a place of good will. The space between train cars is very noisy, very shaky, and has nothing to hold onto, and is right next to the hot water dispenser. A lot of trains will play announcements that, “The section between train cars is very dangerous, please do not linger here.” Deliberately exiling babies and families to such a dangerous spot makes it a lot more likely you’ll lose your balance while holding your kid, and end up in danger.
This is nothing at all the same as telling people to keep an eye on their valuables. If you lose your wallet, the only person who suffers is you. You haven’t caused any problems for the people around you. This sort of reminder is kind. But babies are people too. They are alive. How can you compare them to wallets?
If the kid isn’t crying or annoying anyone, and yet people are helpfully reminding that you need to keep an eye on him, that means that they believe you’re about to cause a hassle for people, you’re about to disturb everyone. Before you’ve made a mistake, they are here to give you a warning. This is a type of discrimination. This is hostile behaviour.
It’s like if you were walking down the street, and a policeman suddenly came up to “remind” you to not steal people’s wallets, to not beat people up, to not rob banks, to not spit in public spaces, to not murder people…
Do you feel offended now?
I’ve got a commenter post this picture below:
This is a pretty gross picture.
But see, there’s not going to be an announcement that, “Passengers need to watch their feet. Please do not put them up on the tray, do not put them up over the front row’s heads, do not remove your socks. If you do, you’ll have to go to the area between train cars.” If a stewardess suddenly walked up to you and warned you of all of the above, wouldn’t you feel offended?
When you are travelling with children, you shouldn’t be treated this way either.
Currently, the problem is they should not be announcing loudly to the whole train that parents with children need to keep their kids strictly in line. And at the same time, if babies who are under two years old fuss a little because they’re tired, or giggle a bit, or are just quietly reading picture books in their seats, then stewardesses shouldn’t go deliberately to make warnings, or force them to go to the area between train cars.
I’m pleading with the public to have a little bit of tolerance for kids.
As parents, we should absolutely keep an eye on our kids, but we shouldn’t feel overly anxious about it. Bring snacks, books, headphones, and learn some tricks for helping your kids through a long train ride.
Our government needs to do more PSAs about “building a society friendly to children”. Babies can cry if they want to. We love children. Children are the future of our country.
Our public transportation departments needs to have a plan for families travelling with children that has a bit of warmth and reason to it. Look at Xiamen Airlines, which provides stickers and paper airplanes for children.
At the same time, you can’t require that children stay absolutely silent on a train like you might demand from your roommate that you are sharing a hotel room with. If that’s the case, the cart pushers who are selling bento boxes, and the train’s own announcements are also disturbing other passengers’ sleep.
The reason I’m answering this question is because a stewardess from the Taiyuan Railway Department messaged me, asking, “If a baby’s crying is waking up other passengers, what should I do without sending the kid to the area between train cars?”
There’s a saying in Africa that it takes a village to raise a child. I’m begging again that the public needs to have a degree of tolerance for kids based on their age group. You can make the same demands of a baby that you would make with an adult.”
Comments say, “The train has no obligation to guarantee the quality of its passengers’ sleep. Otherwise, why don’t they give out free eye masks, ear plugs, and sleeping pills with every train ticket? Sending families to the area between train cars is just the government being too lazy to deal with the problem themselves.”
“Jesus, if they don’t think they’ve done anything wrong, why would Taiyuan Railway even bother messaging you. How gross. Keep being yourself. Never change.”
“My baby had just started fussing, it hadn’t even been a minute. I was still looking for her teether in my bag, when a stewardess passing by reminded me to leave the train carriage. None of the passengers around me even said anything. I honestly feel like too early of a warning is really mean. I guess they’re just scared of dealing with complaints from other passengers. If my baby really was wailing, I’d obviously get up and go. But she was really only just fussing a bit.”
"Stable sex life. Even if you’re the hottest person in the world and have people pursing you every day, you’ve got to pick out the guy you want, flirt, do foreplay, and all of that is a big waste of time and energy."
When you marry someone they become part of your family, so having sex with them is incest.
swimming tea -> swimming team
1 one -> 1 boy
was flooded -> were flooded
there's no -> there're no
resources increases -> resources increase
together incurs -> together incur
that’s offense -> that’s offensive
Never chance -> Never change