07/13/23 - He wants to come back to China, but his wife won't let him, because he makes so much more money overseas.
“I got fired because of body odour XD I've been working for not quite a month yet, when I got an HR notice that I'm not suitable for this job, and I don't need to show up tomorrow. But my stats are really good, so I asked why they were firing me, that I could sue them. HR got scared and told me the truth, that all my coworkers were complaining about my body order, and I was inconveniencing everybody. So, I packed up my stuff and left. But my self-esteem's kinda hurt...”
Comments say, “I'm sympathetic to your experience, but I totally get your coworker's. When I was going to school, there was a boy in my class who, like, holy shit, he made the guy in the seat next to him throw up in the summer. Go get surgery, dude.”
“Get some surgery. Sometimes, you can't smell it, but it's super obvious to everyone around you.”
“If it's to the point where they're firing you, then people really can't put up with it anymore. Get yourself to a hospital—it's affecting your employment now.”
“About the extreme tug-of-war between work life balance, I just saw a post of a guy seeking advice online. His wife is 32 weeks pregnant, just another month or so away from delivering. And his boss is pressuring him to go on a business trip to Brazil which is going to last roughly two years. He'll earn three times as much money while he's out of the country, and he'll get a promotion as soon as he comes back. If he agrees, he needs to leave in a month.
He's really excited for the opportunity, because his wife had to quit her job because she was showing signs of miscarriage. Between his mortgage payments, car payments, wife, kid, parents, all the financial burden is on him, and he's getting up there in age too. If he doesn't grab onto this opportunity, he won't have another chance.
But he's conflicted, because if he agrees, then he'll be going to Brazil before the baby's even born, and he'll be completely missing from the baby's life for the first two years. He'll completely miss being able to take care of or grow up with the kid. Right now, he hasn't told his wife yet. He hasn't made a decision in his mind.
I totally get the conflict. In my industry, banking, a lot of management have to take long business trips too, though it's usually domestic. So even if they're on a trip, they can fly back home over the weekend. And once they take the job, they really will get a promotion and a raise. It's exchanging time for opportunity, a great way to get a leg up on your career. A lot of men are eager to take this route.
But his situation is pretty extreme. He can't really come back to China half-way through. And being absent for so long in family life is gonna have a very negative impact on his family, and make his future a lot more uncertain. And in the comment section, people who've done this before are sharing their experience, that once you get sent overseas, it's really hard to get paperwork through to get permission to come back. And if you're exiled for a long time, you'll lose all your connections to the core circle at work, and a promotion after you come back is basically empty promises.
From the mother's point of view, unless we're on the verge of starving to death, I wouldn't agree to it. My husband got sent to Shanghai for a year, and I had to do everything around the house by myself. I'm a pretty optimistic, independent person, and I still couldn't do it. I was on the verge of depression.
What do you guys think? If this was you, or if you were his wife, what would you choose?”
Comments say, “My neighbour's husband went. It's been almost 10 years now. He makes a million RMB a year. He wants to come back to China, but his wife won't let him, because he makes so much more money overseas. They're a pretty comfortable family too. His wife is a university professor, and his in-laws take care of the kids.”
“I don't know if I've got something wrong with my brain or what, but I would choose to let my husband go. Three years go by in the blink of an eye, and we can video chat all the time, so the kids aren't that unfamiliar with him. And they can build a bond after he comes back just fine. I can take care of the kid by myself no problem, though it's better if there are old people to help out. Worst case scenario, I get a nanny. Three times his salary! When there's house and car payments due every month, it relieves so much financial pressure!”
“Go work overseas for two years and get promoted when you come back? Yeah, that's just empty promises. Don't believe that shit.”
Under the hashtag #I found out after having a kid that some people are born picky eaters, a blogger writes, “I was yelled at for almost two decades for being a picky eater when I was a kid. My mom would scream at me until I cried when I was in first grade, because I wouldn't eat eggs at breakfast. I'm almost 40 now, and whenever my family makes Chinese salads, it always has cilantro in it. Every time they make dumplings, there's ginger in it. Because my parents think that not eating eggs, or not eating cilantro or ginger, is just spoiled behaviour. Kids need to eat everything. If they eat it for long enough, they'll get used to it.
Guess how I got my revenge? I forced my mom and dad to drink milk, to drink protein powder. It's good for their health. I'm doing this for their own good. What? You don't like it? Go around the apartment building and ask people, how many kids buy protein powder that's this expensive for their parents? You're wasting food. Wasting food is the worst kind of crime. Old people in Africa can't even afford milk, and you want to waste it? Farmers give their lives to produce our food, haven't you learned this poem? I spent my hard-earned money on this!
I love watching old people get embarrassed.”
Comments say, “Ha, ginger in dumplings. It doesn't matter how great the filling is, it all gets destroyed by the ginger.”
“After you have a kid yourself, you'll see that some people really are just born picky eaters. Parents who think picky eaters are just spoiled are just unobservant. A lot of kids are allergic to a lot of foods because of genetics. I've found a lot of allergy-prone kids don't like to eat green onions, or mushrooms, or shrimp.”
“Why aren't our parents picky eaters? Because they just don't buy groceries they don't like to eat.”
A girl in Guangzhou is dating a guy born in 1991, who has no parents, no car, no house, and no savings. The girl says that, “Although he's not financially well off, he's very good to me. He'll cheer me up, and cook for me.” But the girl's mother says that, “If he can't come up with 100K, I will never agree to this marriage.” The girl sighs that she's not young anymore, she's not sure what to do.
Comments say, “Listen to your parents. If he's born in 1991, he's been working for at least 10 years. Even if he doesn't have a house, there's no way he doesn't have 100K in savings, even if it's not for your bride price. He's just holding onto it as the source of his confidence in society.”
“You can marry a guy for his money, or his looks, or any of his material goods, but never marry a guy because he's good to you. He can stop being good to you at any point.”
“If he's born in 1991, and has no parents, no car, and no house, then what is he spending all his money on?”
“My relatives say my daughter is really ugly. I just want to know what people think at first glance. I'm not a snowflake or anything. I know my mommy filter is gonna make me think my daughter is gorgeous.
But my relatives tell my daughter all the time that she's just like me when I was young—super ugly. I just want to ask, if my daughter really ugly?
She's got naturally curly hair, so it's always a bit messy looking. She's got a lot of classmates who are super cute, so she might look a bit ordinary next to them. Even a bit of a background extra. But if she's really ugly right now, would she be pretty when she's grown up based on her features? Is anyone good at looking at skeletal structure? Of course I want her to grow up to be beautiful, as her mom.
Obviously, she's my biological daughter. Whether she's pretty or ugly, she's my treasure. So long as she's healthy and happy, everything's fine. Thanks, guys.”
Comments say, “How is she ugly? She's a super adorable little girl.”
“She looks really unique and gorgeous.”
“She's really pretty! Super pretty! She exactly fits my sense of beauty!”
Yaonan City Water Affairs Bureau is issuing a statement regarding Huang's illegal bridge, that between 2011 and 2018, they've issued eight notices regarding the illegal bridge built on Yaoer River, Zhenlin Village, until it was finally dismantled in 2018. They also explain that starting in 2007, they've dismantled 11 illegal bridges on the Yaoer River, and Huang's bridge was one of them.
Comments say, “Doesn’t this just mean there's a huge demand for bridges, and yet the local authorities have yet to build one?'
“They've got time to dismantle that bridge eight times, but not time to build one themselves, huh.”
“I don't understand how they have the face to keep talking about this when they won't build a bridge.”
“I went shopping with my coworker, and I fell in love with a linen top, but the store owner wanted 380 RMB for it, and I felt like it was a bit expensive. So I asked, “Can you go any cheaper?”
The store owner could tell I was really in love, so she was like, “I'll sell it to you for 350 RMB.” I know that fashion has a huge profit margin, so I haggled back, “What about 320 RMB?”
But the store owner wouldn't back down, so I went to pretend to leave, but my coworker suddenly grabbed me and asked, “You really don't want it?”
We've been shopping for a whole evening, and I finally found a top I liked, of course I wanted to buy it. I just wanted to haggle. If the store owner really insisted, I would've bought it at 350. But I couldn't say that in front of the owner, and my coworker asked, so I couldn't do anything except nod. And then my coworker says, “Okay, if you don't want it, I'll buy it.”
I was totally shocked beyond words. I fell in love with that top first. How can you take advantage like that? I have no idea what to say. I was completely silent with that coworker the whole way home.”
Comments say, “Honestly, this is cringe as fuck.”
“Your coworker literally asked your opinion first, though.”
“I'd be pretty happy watching my coworker waste her money on an overpriced top.”
“Hi, I'm just looking for some advice. Am I spoiling my kid? So, a couple of days ago, there was a midsummer festival performance at my kid's kindergarten. In the afternoon, the teacher's posted the video of their performance to the group chat. One was a group performance, and one was an individual performance. All of the parents were pretty surprised by the individual performance. We didn't even know that was a thing the kindergarten did. I have no idea how this kid got picked to put on an individual performance. And this kid is the PTA leader's kid. (I also don't know how this person became the PTA leader. There wasn't a vote or anything. We were just notified once the semester started.)
I don't actually care if my kid gets an individual performance, and my kid doesn't care either, but I'm just confused about how all of this happened. I told a friend about it, and my friend says I'm just being mean to the kindergarten teacher. That if I keep up this attitude once my kid's in primary school, the teachers are not going to give a shit. That I was totally spoiling my kid. I need to tell my kid that if he wants something, he needs to fight for opportunities for himself.
But I feel like I wouldn't have a problem if this happened in first grade. By the time he's in primary school, there are a lot more kids in a class, and the curriculum is way packed, so the teacher doesn't have time to put their effort into this sort of stuff. And kids in primary school know a lot more clearly what they want, and they'll have their own ideas. But for kids in kindergarten, they should be developed all-around, shouldn't they? Kids in kindergarten don't really have an identity or opinions yet, they just do whatever the teacher tells them. How are they supposed to figure out how to fight for opportunities? Isn't the point of the teacher to help them along with this stuff?
Are they not robbing the kindergarten's kids of their choice? Are they not robbing them of their opportunity to grow and learn? Are they not strangling a perfectly fair opportunity in its cradle? I don't know if every kindergarten does this. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Am I really spoiling my kid?”
Comments say, “Your friend gave a pretty good response already. I suggest that parents don't act like pampered princesses, or you're going to raise a bunch of pampered hellions yourself. The worst kind of people are the ones who never speak up about wanting to do something to your face, and then get mad behind your back and feel sorry for themselves.”
“If you're really curious, you can go ask the teachers, but this is pretty common. The teacher will ask the kids who wants to perform, and some kids are gonna raise their hands. And the teacher's going to pick an extroverted kid unlikely to get stage fright. As to why it's the PTA leader's kid—in most cases, if the parents really care about participating in volunteer work like the PTA, then they probably care a lot about their kid's education, and so their kid's gonna be more enthusiastic and less shy too.”
“PTAs are just an exchange of favours with the teacher. If you use the parents, then you need to pay it back to their kids. That's why I pretend my class's PTA doesn't exist. I don't need any help, I can do everything myself. I'll use whichever kid I want to, don't try to extort me. Whoever's talented will go.”
A lady named Wu applied for time off to get married in Suzhou, and was fired by her company. Ms. Wu claims that according to company policy, she's entitled to 13 days off for her wedding, but when she applied for time off, it was denied by her boss. Soon afterwards, she was called into a meeting, where her boss said that if she's taking time off for a wedding now, then she's going to be taking time off for her pregnancy. After he thought about it, he thinks he might as well just pay her now and fire her. But when she brought up the severance pay of 2 months' salary + her wedding vacation converted into money, it was denied. The company is only willing to pay 1 month's salary in severance pay. Right now, she hasn't gotten a firing notice from her company and she's still going to work as normal. She's reported this to the labour department, and if the company fires her, she'll sue them. What do you think?
Comments say, “Anyone trying to argue on behalf of capitalist bosses is the enemy of my class.”
“I mean, what am I supposed to think? I totally support her right to sue, but this'll become an example, and just make it harder for women to find jobs.”
“If they don't want to use you anymore, then just paying you one month's salary isn't too bad, I don't think.”
11 bridges! I wonder at what point the cost of dismantling all the illegal bridges surpasses the cost of building an official one?
I also have to admire that one person who’s making their parents drink protein shakes! It’s petty but harmless lol