[Sorry for the delay, guys. A toddler poured coffee all over my laptop, so it’s not working right now. If my update schedule is off tomorrow and the day after, that’s why :( ]
A blogger asks, “So we're involuting about whoever can keep their kids in the section between train cars the longest now?”
He links to a news story, reading, “On the 7th, an internet commenter going home on a Guangdong train was touched by a father. He had a child who looked to be only two or three years old. For fear that his excited and screaming toddler would disturb the other passengers, the young father spent over an hour in the section between two train cars, and kept patiently playing with his kid. The internet commenter said, “It was great.””
He also shows the comment section to this news story, which has comments like, “When I took my kid on the train, I stood for six hours in the section between cars. I was scared of disturbing other people too.”
“You're a high-class person with manners.”
“I know how it is. I've got a one year old baby, just at the stage where he's learning how to talk and walk. When I had to travel long distance, I stood for 9 hours in the section between cars. It's not a matter of manners—there was nothing I could do.”
“This is what you're supposed to do. Even the train has announcements that if kids are being loud, parents should take them to the area between train cars. But some parents just act deaf.”
Comments to this blog post says, “Linking to a mother's blog post because I think she's got a point.” The post they link to reads, “What a crazy world. The whole train ride, I've only seen adults loudly talking on their phone and watching tiktok videos with no headphones, not a single loud kid. The train is crazy now. The stewardess is walking around warning all the parents to take their kids out of the train car if they start getting loud. But she won't remind the loud adults to quiet a little? Trains are a public tool for taking people to their desired destinations. They don't carry libraries or hotel rooms. Kids have the same right to exist in public spaces that adults do.”
“I'm about to take my 18 month old on a long trip. I booked a noon ticket, to try to take advantage of his nap, so he wouldn't disturb anyone else. I'm literally shaking in my boots reading these...”
“I don't want a society like this. I want a society that's friendly to children and old people. This type of behaviour has no positive meaning at all. This isn't the type of manners I want to see.”
“Why is there such a difference between sunzi (grandchildren by your son) and waisun (grandchildren by your daughter, literally “outsider grandchild”)?
Hong is a worker in our company cafeteria. She came over to Guangzhou from out of state to work by herself many years ago. Because neither her nor her husband have a high degree of education, they've always worked in menial labour. Though they're not paid a lot, at least the work is stable. Hong is the most proud of herself for having a girl and a boy. They're both old enough to work now, and both have their own family. This has made Hong's life a lot easier.
Hong's son-in-law owns his own business and lives a comfortably lifestyle. He owns a house, a car, and hires a maid to do housework. So Hong's daughter often buys her health supplements, skincare products, and gives her spending money every month. Later, her daughter had two kids of her own, so she quit her job to be a stay-at-home mom.
Because she lives very close to our company, she often takes her kids to visit Hong at work, and hand Hong some money to buy tea with. Hong's son lives a very stressful life after marriage, so he stopped having kids after having a son, and he almost never visits Hong at work.
One year, for Children's Day, all the workers with kids can get cafeteria gift cards as a Children's Day gift. Hong submitted her sunzi and waisun's information to the company to get three gift cards. As soon as she got the gift cards, she called her son right away, and told him to come over and pick up his gift. He showed up soon afterwards, and Hong gave all three gift cards to him, and pulled another 1K RMB out of her wallet and gave it to him, saying, “This is for buying some toys for my sunzi.” Hong's son took the gift cards and money and told her that he's preparing to buy a house, but he's short on money, asking whether she can help cover the down payment. Hong agreed to help.
After Hong's son left, I asked her, “Why did you give all three gifts to your son? Weren't two of them for your daughter?” Hong replied that, “The one from my son is my sunzi. He's got our family's surname (that is, her husband's surname). The ones from my daughter is my waisun. They don't have our faily's surname. They've got my daughter's husband's surname. They're not family. I don't have to bother with them.”
When I heard, I was shocked, “But they're both your grandchildren, though. What does it matter whose surname they have?” And Hong told me, “You don't understand our family's traditions. A married off daughter is like an upturned bucket of water. They belong to someone else now. They're someone else's problem to worry about.” And I didn't know what to say to that.
As soon as she was done talking to me, she called her daughter, asking her for money to help with Hong's son's down payment. That's not a small number at all. I think maybe Hong's daughter told her over the phone that she's not working, so she doesn't have any money on hand. And Hong started to flip out. “If my son doesn't have a house, that means my grandson doesn't have a house. I raised you for this many years! I let you have a good life! Aren't you grateful at all? But as soon as I ask for a little bit of money, all you have is excuses? You've got no filial piety at all! How about this? You pay for my son and my grandson's down payment, and I'll consider it your contribution to my retirement. When I'm old and sick later, I don't need you to take care of me, and I won't ask for a cent from you. If you care about me as your mother at all, give me the money.”
Maybe Hong's daughter said something about how business is hard right now, she really has no money. Hong began to cry in front of all her coworkers. Like, tears and snot everywhere ugly crying, pleading with her daughter to remortgage her house, and solve the problem of Hong's son's house, and worry later about how to pay back the bank. I guess her daughter didn't know what else to do, so she hung up the phone. And Hong started complaining in the cafeteria about what a terrible daughter she has, how her daughter doesn't care at all about her difficulties, that she doesn't have the ability to give her son and grandson a better life, and can't make her son comfortable with having two more grandsons.
Where I live, whether your grandchild's from your son or your daughter, they're your sunzi either way. You've love them the same either way. You wouldn't treat them differently. But Hong thinks that her daughter's children aren't family to her, so she gives everything to her son's child. Is the difference really that big?”
Comments say, “Guess this is why we've been getting so many news stories of unfilial children. It's because of terrible, sexist parents.”
“Where I live, there's a difference. I had a son after marrying, and my relatives suggested asking my mom to take care of him. My mom said that he's got his paternal grandparents to take care of him, and people need to worry about their own children.”
“I hope Hong's daughter can find this blog post and remember that she's water from an upturned bucket. She's already been poured out. Whatever happens in the water tank is none of her problem anymore, and she needs to stop worrying about it.”
The birthday video yesterday where a girl is having her birthday, and her brother insists on getting to cut the cake, is continuing to get discussion today. Comments today say, “This is all the parent's fault, but I don't think they realise they're doing anything wrong. Sigh. I hope she can have happier birthdays in the future.”
“It's her birthday, but the birthday hat is on her brother's head. When she grows up, her parents are definitely going to make her pay her brother's bride price.”
“I want to slap him in the face and lock him in the bathroom.”
An ob/gyn doctor writes, “In my office hours today, I met with a pregnant lady who's showing signs of a potential miscarriage, so I was telling her details on how to help with the situation, when her good looking husband suddenly asks, “So, can she not do housework any more?”
My eyes lit up. Work time is here.
I looked at the pregnant woman and then at her husband, and said, “Of course not. She can't do any housework at all. Even squatting down to wash clothes will affect the stability of her pregnancy.”
The husband explains, “We've got a laundry machine at home.”
And I immediately continued, “Even with a laundry machine, she has to bend over to pick up clothes and put it in. Don't let her do that anymore. Oh, you have to give all the money in the house to her too. That way, she'll have more peace of mind. If she's more calm and peaceful, it'll be helpful with the baby too.”
The husband nodded, “I always hand my salary over to my wife.”
Alright, he sounds like a pretty good guy. So I didn't carry on. Back in the day, I'd have at least brought up how according to fengshui, gold can preserve pregnancies, and gotten at least a gold bracelet for mom out of it too.”
Comments say, “Truly, you are a friend to women.”
“I still feel bad. You are talking about her potentially having a miscarriage, and all he cares about is whether or not she can do housework. This is why birth rate is going down.”
“If I wasn't 2000 kilometres away from you, I would make you my ob/gyn right away.”
A man went to get a vasectomy on Valentine's Day, only for his girlfriend to dump him immediately afterwards. He's just been told that it's not possible to reverse the surgery.
Comments say, “It he's so upset about it, I mean, it can't get reversed anyways. He might as well just remove the whole thing, right?”
“That's just a rumour. She didn't dump him. She filed for a divorce. They're in the cool down period right now.”
“Parents want the best for their children is just PUA from capitalists. So long as this saying exists, then parents feel pressured to pursue the best. And then companies can come out with gold packages, and platinum packages, and ultimate extreme royal packages, and keep making a new standard for what is “the best”, and use this to support a whole industry.
Like, for example, spending tons of money to send your kids to the best tutoring classes, and then buying a cheap, shitty computer for your kid. If you really want the best for your children, why not buy him the best computer? Why not buy him the newest game console, and the most number of games? That's what most kids actually want.
Because parents think that studying is good and gaming is bad. They didn't buy the game console that the kid actually wanted, but feel like they've given the best to their kid because they bought the most expensive tutoring classes, and put themselves on a pedestal and feel like a martyr.
Parents wanting the best for their kids is really just a form of guilting, both from the capitalists to the parents, and from the parents to their kids.”
I'm beginning to wonder if weibo's algorithm is promoting posts about kids & parenting. It seems like every top post today was related to the subject. If the goal is to encourage people to have more kids, I can't say it's working :/ Having kids in China sounds so stressful, like having to raise your kid while being attacked from all angles...
kid n the -> kid on the
not to housework -> not do housework