There’s a memorial on Singer Coco Li Wen, who died of suicide today after struggling with depression for years. She was born in Hong Kong in 1975, 17th of January. In June 1994, she released her first album, which sold 130,000 copies in the first month. In 2001, she performed at the Oscars, becoming the first Asian to sing at the Oscars. She has performed at the Chinese New Year’s Show 5 times throughout her life, as well as sung the promotional theme to the Beijing Olympics. Her famous songs Dow Ma Dan, A Love Before Time, Di Da Di, and 365 Days of Missing You are extremely popular to this day.
“I can understand Korean women more and more when they say, “I’m not going to let a knife that’s going to stab me come out of my crotch”, and at the same time, I’m more and more disappointed in my mom.
I’m a uni student, taking my break at home right now. I found that my dad constantly says things like, “Why are you eating when you’re already so fat?” or “Can you even see your feet when you look down?” to my mom, even though she’s not even 45kg yet. Maybe it’s because she’s had two babies, she has a little bit of a gut, but my dad literally brings this up every day. He’s causing my mom to have a lot of body anxiety, so I often tell my mom that she’s not fat at all, she doesn’t need to worry about it. I’ve been wondering lately if I should talk to my dad about it.
After lunch time today, my 5-year-old brother suddenly said, “You’re so fat, sister, why do you still eat meat?” I’m 158cm and not quite 40kg, so I used this opportunity to tell my brother, “You can’t talk to people like this. If you were playing outside, and a kiddo that was taller than you made fun of you for being short and refused to play with you, wouldn’t you be sad? If you say this to other girls, wouldn’t they be upset and not play with you?”
My brother is usually pretty well-behaved, and he listens to me, so I really was talking to him in a very calm tone of voice. And afterwards, I asked him, “Did you say that because you hear daddy say it a lot? You can’t say stuff like that about your family, or you’re going to hurt them, do you know?”
And my brother replied, “Okay, I know, but I can say this about mommy and it’s okay.”
I was just going to keep talking to him about this, when my mom hurries to interrupt me, “Yup, that’s right. You can’t say stuff like that to other people, but you can say it about mommy.”
I literally felt like I was stabbed in the back. It’s exactly like daughters feeling bad for their mother so they take on more of the homework, only to get lectured for not taking care of their younger siblings too. My heart went cold.
Thanks for reading this. I hope you won’t be backstabbed too.”
Comments say, “Parents have such a big influence on their kids. Maybe you should talk to your mom about this too?”
“I was fighting with my brother, when my mom suddenly went, “She’s a guest here, it’s not like this is her home, you don’t have to listen to her.””
“You need to beat up your brother. My brother is super well-behaved, never says anything he’s not supposed to, because my mom never stops me from beating him up. And after I beat him up, my mom just says it’s his fault for pissing me off. So, do you get it? You can avoid a lot of situations if you just beat your brother from childhood.”
A submission to a lawyer for advice, “Hi, Mister Wu, I want to talk to you about what I just went through and what I’m seeking. I married a man who had been divorced before, with a ten year old son. The kid lives with his ex-wife, and he pays child support. When we were dating, I just had severe love brain, and married him despite all the objections from my family. And within 3 years of our marriage, I had a son and a daughter. Now we’ve been married for 7 years. It’s a horrible marriage, we fight all the time. Just today, I discovered that he’s cheating on me, and he’s been doing it for a long time. I’m a full-time housewife, I’ve got no source of income, and my parents aren’t well off either. I have no idea what to do. Thankfully, I’m only 30. I feel like it’s both not too late for me, but also definitely too late. When we fight, he’ll abuse me, and he’ll rape me too. I’m 10 years younger than him.
He owns his own company, but he doesn’t actually make a lot of money, and he has a lot of debt. Right now, we’ve got 2 houses in Nanjing, and 3 cars. I know I have to be on my guard against him. Bringing up divorce right now is not great for my situation. My daughter is 6 years old, and my son is 4. I don’t have any experience in society. I married him as soon as I graduated. So I have no idea what to do. Right now, I’ve got evidence of his domestic abuse, and I’ve got screenshots of his cheating. But I don’t have any proof of anything else. I’ve got witnesses too.”
The lawyer replies, “You can try to make him add your name to the houses, but he probably won’t agree to do it. If he refuses, then go out and get yourself a job. Start building your societal connections. Let him take care of the kids. Wait until you can support yourself before you ask for divorce. Or, you can give up custody of the children and divorce now, to avoid any further abuse. You can at least keep yourself alive, right? Worst case scenario, you can work as a maid or nanny. You don’t have the ability to take care of two children—you’ve got to focus on yourself first. This is the hardest divorce case I’ve heard. Even God would have a hell of a time trying to help you.”
Comments say, “I mean, I’d get it if you married your uni sweetheart as soon as you graduated, someone you’ve known for years. What’s the purpose in marrying someone 10 years older than you, with a son, who’s been divorced before, and doesn’t have any money?”
“I feel like you’ve literally collected every red flag that exists.”
“If someone’s lived a comfortable life for a long time, then they couldn’t handle working a hard job, especially if it only pays 3-5K a month. So long as she stays in this marriage, she can live in a nice house and drive a nice car. This is the price when she decided to walk this seemingly easier path.”
“I’ve got a classmate from Henan, and when we first met, he called cilantro “yansui”, and I felt it was super hick and weird. Then, later one, I found out by accident that the actual proper name of cilantro is, in fact, “yansui” 芫荽, and when I looked at the characters, now I feel like 香菜 (xiangcai, literally “fragrant veggies”) is super hick and trashy.
Henan is the heart of the Yellow River cultural basin. It’s not hick at all. A lot of Henan local dialects sound hick, but the cultural condensation that’s in them is very thick. Like, for example, Henan will call maternal grandparents 魏公 (weigong, grandpa of Wei, as opposed to 外公, waigong, outsider grandpa) and 魏婆 (weipo, grandma of Wei, as opposed to 外婆, waipo, outsider grandma), which a lot of people also find weird. But if you look into it, you discover all the history behind it, and you’ll understand where the usual terms of 外公 and 外婆 comes from.
Most regions in the country call cilantro yansui. The term “xiangcai” hasn’t existed for that long.
In Henan dialect, “evening” is called, “when the sky rests”. Isn’t that so much more poetic than “when the sky goes dark”? Yesterday is called, “night-past”, that is, “before the night passed”, isn’t that so much more descriptive than yesterday?””
Comments say, “We call it yansui in Shandong too.”
“Same here in Gansu.”
“Sichuan calls it yuanxu.”
A tiktok video where a father is muttering to himself, “I’m done getting the tickets for us to fly to my hometown. It’s grandma, grandpa, auntie, plus the two of us, five tickets in total. Should I get insurance or not? It’s not that expensive…let’s see, it’s—“
The daughter interrupts with, “The whole family’s dead. What’s the point of insurance?”
Comments say, “I always get the cheapest plane tickets and the most expensive insurance.”
“We never buy insurance, because my MIL said exactly this—everybody’s dead, what’s the point of insurance?”
“If a lot of people from my family are flying, we don’t get tickets on the same plane.”
Someone posts screenshots of past news stories about Coco Li Wen, and writes, “Li Wen’s had a hard life.”
The first story is, “In preparation for getting pregnant, Li Wen shows off her organic vegetarian diet. Hong Kong media reports that Li Wen, who is 43 years old this year, married her husband Bruce in 2011. Last month, when attending an event, she revealed that she is going to get IVF in New York and hopes to have two little babies. Lately, she has been showing off selfies with organic, heart-shaped tomatoes.”
“On the 6th of January, 2023, Hong Kong media reports that Li Wen and her Canadian husband, Bruce, may be going through a rough patch in their marriage, due to Bruce’s repeated infidelity. According to sources, Li Wen has moved out of their house half a year ago, and they are currently separated.
Li Wen’s best friend denounced Bruce, saying, “He’s cheated and cheated, tons of times, and always with young western girls. If he wants to get flirty, he doesn’t even try to hide it, he just acts like Coco doesn’t exist. The first time, Coco gave him another chance, but he didn’t change. This is the third time now. All of our friends have discovered it. We’ve all told Coco. Even he admits to it.”
Li Wen has always been loving towards the two daughters that Bruce had with his ex-wife, and treated them like her own children. But after her stepdaughters discovered their dad’s infidelity, they took his side and betrayed her love, and treated her with coldness. Li Wen was devastated by this, and has stopped following her stepdaughters on social media.”
And finally, a blog post from Li Wen, “Today, I am facing the greatest challenge of my life, and the biggest fear of my life. I’ve never feared any obstacle. I’ve always solved all my problems one by one. But this time, I feel weak. I want to run away. But there’s nowhere to run to anymore.
This fear came from a painful childhood memory. I was born with a defective left leg. As soon as I started walking as a baby, my mom discovered that something was wrong. So at 2 years old, I was sent to the hospital to have surgery performed. But it wasn’t effective. The most painful part was when a doctor drilled through my left heel with a thick iron rod and left it in, and put a cast on my leg, so that I couldn’t move at all. For a little kid, this was tortuous. I felt like the days were agonisingly slow back then. Every day felt like a whole year. I remember crying myself to sleep every night. I missed my mom and my sisters. I wished they were at my side. I was surrounded by strangers. I remember there were over 200 kids in my hospital room. I still can’t forget their screaming and crying. I felt really bad for them. I wanted them to get better. But I hid my own pain and never told anyone about it.
When I finally got out of the hospital, I couldn’t walk at all. I was too scared of pain. But I had to relearn walking again, and it was an extremely painful and traumatic process. All of these years, I’ve always supported my body with my right leg. Every time I sang and danced on stage, I did it all supporting myself on my right leg. Every time after rehearsals or a concert, my legs hurt like hell, but I never let anyone see my pain. I just want to show my best side to everybody. If everyone is happy, then any amount of pain is worth it.
Last year, at the beginning of October, because I trained too hard, I triggered an old injury and got a dislocated ankle. Because I had no cartilage to protect that joint, it pinched a nerve. But amazingly, even though I couldn’t walk, it didn’t hurt at all when I danced. Maybe it’s just because dancing made me so happy.
I’ve put up with this pain for years, but now, it’s starting to impact my daily life. God is forcing me to face this. All these years, I’ve been using sheer willpower to support my body with one leg while dancing on stage. I remember when I was little, that the doctors said I’ll never dance. So I guess it’s a miracle I’ve been dancing for all these years. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to do so much. But I know that nobody can decide my fate. It’s all up to my hard work. Whoever says you can’t, you’ve got to prove to him that you can. Right now, I want to show my true self to people. I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll never dance like I used to. But when I walked into this hospital, my attitude became that I wasn’t scared of anything. I need to face this bravely. No matter how it turns out, I’ll gladly accept the result. I hope I can return to the stage soon, and people can see me perform again ASAP. That means great news for me. I hope you will wait for my return. And I want to push this positive energy as you.
Attitude is everything. Right now, I am a female warrior. I am facing a big challenge. Everyone has their weak moments, that’s unavoidable, but we need to remember that after a storm, the sun comes out. No matter what, I’m going to keep walking forward one step at a time. I know I can do it. I hope God will help me get through this, and let me return to all my fans and friends soon, let me keep shining on stage, and let me share my story with everyone. Right now, I’m a female warrior! I am going to face a new challenge and a new beginning in my life. I am going to learn how to walk again. I hope everyone stays with me through this arduous process. Right now, I need you more than ever. You are all always in my heart. I love you forever. I am the Great Wall. I will never fall.”
Comments say, “Still trying for IVF at over 40-years-old, a husband that cheats right in front of your face, and your stepdaughters that you treat like daughters backstab you. Jesus Christ…”
“I know surrogacies are illegal in China, but if they really wanted kids, they could’ve found a surrogate in America. At the end of the day, her husband just feels like he’s already got daughters, so he doesn’t care whether he has kids with her.”
“White men just don’t respect Asian women. From their point of view, Asians are just wild flowers at the side of the road that you briefly stop to admire.”
Someone posts extremely famous screenshots of a conversation between husband and wife, for containing the most heartbreaking emojis and reaction images in the world:
Wife: “Sweetie, I’m standing in line at the hospital, probably won’t be able to get home soon. Could you make dinner in a moment?”
Husband: “Okay. Hey, dear, maybe we should stop treating this.”
Wife: “:S”
Husband: “You’re in Stage 4, they’re not gonna fix it, and chemo is so expensive and has high risks. I’m just worried that we’ll lose both you and the money.”
Wife: “[Okay reaction image]“
Husband: “We don’t have a lot of money. If we keep treating you, it’ll cost all of it.”
She attaches comments that clarify, “The actual story is that both husband and wife have cancer. The husband meant to say that they are both gonna give up on treatment.”
“That’s the top of internet tragedies.”
“I feel like that just makes it worse.”
“My dad’s classmate was like this. Spent most of their savings on his wife’s cancer, only to find that he has cancer too, and it’s already stage 4, and their kid’s still in university. It’s so sad.”
“Yeah, they both got cancer, and he gave up on treatment to spend all the money on her to see if they had a chance. He even worked while having cancer, to come up with funds for her cancer. But then she got to terminal stage too, and they couldn’t afford it, so they left all their money to their kid and both jumped off a bridge.”
“Even just through this screenshot, I couldn’t help but cry at that Okay reaction image. Sigh, why does the world have so much helpless suffering.”
Comments say, “Free healthcare is certainly not the best form of healthcare, but if it can prevent even one case of this kind of tragedy, that’s still infinite karma. I’ll support it unconditionally.”
“Meanwhile, old government workers stay in ICUs for four years at a time. They live different lives in the same world.”
“How helpless must she have felt. I want to cry looking at this Okay reaction image.”
Typo: "old than" should be "older than"