A tiktok interview has gone viral featuring a middle-aged lady in Hangzhou, who says, “What is a greatness? Greatness is getting married and having children. My son makes 5K RMB a month. If you had 500 million RMB, I still won’t think you're as good as my son. If my son has children, then China has a future.”
Comments say, “It’s because she actually has a son who has a kid and makes 5K a month, and she doesn’t have 500 million. :P”
“This kind of person has their own brand of logic. There’s no communicating with them.”
“What a beautiful display of what it means to be a chive.” (a vegetable known for its short growth cycle, a Chinese slang term for, like, “scab”, I think? Someone who aids capitalists in oppressing themselves.)
“I feel like I’m such a simp. There’s gonna be a typhoon tomorrow, so it’s been raining all day. I got up in the morning to marinade chicken wings, and set up the soup to simmer. As soon as I got back from work, I immediately got to chopping veggies, sausages, soaking rice noodles, planning on having stir-fried rice noodles for dinner, with roast chicken wings. I worked all day in the kitchen, thinking that my husband’s stir-fried rice noodles are delicious, and the least I could do is make sure all the prep work is done for him.
He gets home at 7pm, and I immediately bounced up all like, “You’re back! I’ve been waiting for you to come back and make rice noodles!”
His face immediately fell, “Why does making rice noodles have to wait until I’m back?”
Me: “If you don’t want to make it, I could make it too.”
He took a look at the balcony, and said, “It’s leaking on the balcony. Go mop it dry.”
Me: “I’ll go make rice noodles. You go mop the balcony.”
Him: “I’ll make the rice noodles. You go mop the balcony.”
Me: “Didn’t you say you didn’t want to make rice noodles?”
Him: “You’ve already made an argument out of it. I’ve got to make the rice noodles now, or you’re gonna hold a grudge for ever.” (said with contempt)
Me: “Fine, go make rice noodles. I’ll go mop. Remember to not make it too greasy.”
Him: “You do it! You do it! You do it! I hate it when people get so fucking picky when I’m the one doing everything!”
Me: “No, I just wanted to remind you, in case you forgot. It’s happened before—“
Him: “Stop! Stop! How could you order people around and not even trust them to do things right?”
Me: “Okay, okay, I’ll shut up.”
He deliberately made the rice noodles way over cooked and way too salty. They tasted awful. I asked what went wrong, and he blamed it on me, said that I’d put him in a bad mood. He was pissed off the whole time he was making it. I said that if he didn’t want to make the rice noodles, he could’ve said so, I wouldn’t have made him. Now this is just a waste of good food. I spent all day preparing everything. He didn’t say anything in response.
We didn’t talk again for the rest of dinner, just each played with our phones. At that moment, I felt like I was experiencing what life would be like as a widow. He barely picked at his food before leaving. I made two wings for each of us, and he only ate one before he said it tasted bad and left. I ate all three tearfully. I had no appetite. I feel so bullied. I guess if you’re nice to men, they start getting narcissistic. Fell like I’m really a simp for doing all of this, and still having to be made fun of and yelled at by him at the end of the day.
We’ll probably give each other the silent treatment for another several days. I’m really sick and tired of my marriage.”
Comments say, “I feel like if you just changed what you said the moment he got home, things would’ve went much better. Like, “Sweetie! I’ve chopped up this and that and marinaded this, but I was worried I didn’t know how to make rice noodles yet. They were so delicious last time you made them! Could you just come finish cooking the rice noodles for me?” He probably ran into some problems at work and came home already frustrated. If he’s pissy at you from the beginning, as if anything happened at work, share your troubles. If you keep holding grudges like this, your relationship really will fall apart.”
“Why aren’t you divorced yet?”
“My dad is this type. He gets emotional, and then gets pissy at everyone around him. If he’s home, the air pressure is always super low. If he’s in a good mood, he’ll get home and made fun of everyone at home. If he’s in a bad mood, he’ll get home and immediately start picking everything apart. It’s exhausting living with someone like this.”
A compilation of various funny posts and memes this week:
”How do I tell if this is a wolf or a dog?”
“Squeeze its nose. If it’s soft and wet, it’s a dog. If you lose your finger, it’s a wolf.”
[Repost of a western meme: “Just checked my bank balance, and found that if I stop going to work, I can still live comfortably for the rest of my life so long as I die on Sunday.”]
Comments say, “Just checked my balance and found that I should’ve died yesterday.”
“Then you’ve won!”
“You won a whole 24 hours!”
“Are the decorations in episode 35, 21:40 of the Legend of Zhen Huan made out of cucumbers?”
“I broke up with my boyfriend…”
Comments say, “What did you boyfriend get?”
“He got split into different suitcases.”
“God, you’ve got such discipline. Even in the middle of a breakup, you remembered to bring your hula hoop.”
“This is what you get not buying some yoga pants.”
“What do teachers do if they suddenly really need to go to the bathroom in the middle of a lecture?”
“I’ve been out of school for years and I still remember our math teacher. He drew a dot on the blackboard, then as he drew a line from it, he said, “This is an arc…” and then whoosh, he had drawn the line out of the blackboard, through the wall, over the door, and disappeared into the hallway, leaving us to stare at each other in the classroom. We sent the maths representative out to look for him, and found him coming out of the bathroom.”
“I thought he was gonna say, “This is an arc,” and then just spray it everywhere.”
A post that compiles the best responses to the sinking of the Titanic submarine.
Saint Mary: “Why don’t we drain the water to save them? There are human lives at stake!”
Biologist: “Oxygen will be breathed in, and then breathed out, forming a perfect cycle, so it never actually gets consumed.”
Engineer: “I don’t understand. If we know where it is, why not attach a camera to a giant magnet, and then use a steel rope to haul it up?”
Philosopher: “Can’t they just open the doors and float up? It’s a lot better than just waiting for rescue, right?”
“At university, the professor was doing roll call, and when he came upon a certain name, classmate A yelled out, “He’s not here! He’s taking the day off.” and classmate B said, “Here!” The professor and those two students stared at each other. You could hear a pin drop, everyone was waiting to see how it would play out.
After a few seconds, classmate A said, “Why did you come? I thought you were busy with something?”
Classmate B said, “Oh, I got done early, so I hurried back to class.”
Classmate A: “Ohh, is that so?””
“Going to a Jay Chou concert and contacted a ticket scalper. The scalper said, “Don’t worry about anything, just run as fast as you can as soon as I give the signal.” I had no idea what was up at the time, and he asked me, “You ready?” I said that I was, and he dashed forward, covered the security guard’s eyes with his hands, and screamed, “RUN! RUN! RUN!”
I ran like I was in the 100 metre dash at the olympics. And only after I made it into the concert did I remember that I hadn’t actually given him any money yet. And we never added each other on social media, so I can’t even transfer him money. The whole concert, I was praying to God for forgiveness. My heart was filled with guilt.
When the concert finished and let out, I found the same ticket scalper still waiting on the side of the road with a cigarette. I went over and was like, “Bro. That was so cool. I hadn’t even paid you, and you still got me in!” I gave him a nice tip.”
Pictures of what someone looks like with and without makeup, and people’s reaction.
“I was waiting for the bus at a bus stop on Jeju Island, and a Korean old lady came up and asked if I knew what Jesus’ last words were. I replied honestly that I had no idea. So she started playing a Chinese video to me, about the story of Da Vinci’s Last Supper. And then, she started calling her fellow missionaries. Honestly, at the time, I was really scared. My mind was filled with images of her and her fellow missionaries stuffing me into a van and stealing my organs. But I was staying strong and pretending to be calm.
The old lady handed her phone to me, and on the other side is a super sweet Chinese voice, asking if I was done watching their video.
Me: “Yes. What do you need from me?”
Them: “You don’t need to do anything. We just want to know if you would like to accept a baptism?”
Me: “Sorry, I can’t. I’m a Communist Party member.”
She let out an awkward but polite smile and told me to pass the phone back to the old lady.
The old lady listened to her fellow explain the situation, her mouth fell open, I could see the fear in her eyes. And the next second, she had ran off as fast as she could.”
“I’ve got an aunt who always wore really tight shape wear to try to diet. Like super, extra tight. One night, she might’ve gotten lazy or something, and just figured she’d take a little nap without taking it off. So she fell asleep wearing the really tight shape wear and suffocated.
Her husband recalled to us that, “In the middle of the night, I heard whimpers, and when I looked, she was completely red in the face and covered in tears. But at that point, she couldn’t talk anymore.”
He called for an ambulance right away, but she died before they could get there. It was only after they checked his home security camera that they found out before she passed away, she was banging on the bed the whole time. She had ran out of strength by the end (and since she had no oxygen, she was already pretty weak to begin with), and started to cry. I guess it was her survival instinct.
It was only then that her husband woke up. He was sleeping like a pig. And when he woke up, he didn’t help get off her shape wear. He later explained that he had no idea it could cause suffocating. He thought she was having a heart attack or something.
I can’t imagine how much despair she was in, in that last hour of her life. I feel like she was fully conscious, counting down to her own death. She must’ve been so scared.”
A second grade math problem: What goes in the centre of the last set of triangles?
The answer to the math problem is 21. Each figure is the number in the bottom left multiplied by the sum of the other two.
Typo:: “Why are you divorced yet?” should probably be “Why aren't you divorced yet?”