07/02/23 - FAQ Answered! Plus Food Recommendations!

[Since there’s only like three questions today, I’ll answer them and follow up with a couple more food recommendations, since Yamibuy changes their stock all the time. Please vote on this poll to let me know what essay to write for you guys!]

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Do you know of any books/sites/et cetera that are the inverse of yours, explaining America for a Chinese audience, and if so what are they like? - by OmgPuppies

There are a lot of weibo accounts which repost American (or western) tiktok videos, and a ton of them translating American reaction images and memes and jokes. And obviously, China covers a lot of American news. But I’ve never seen a blog which translates longer stories of everyday life like you might see on Reddit or sincerely explaining American culture or history. There is at least one blogger that I follow which does it for Germany, but not America. You have no idea how much I want to start a blog over on weibo, telling normal every day stories that happen in America that would never happen in China. But I’m kind of scared that it might get my account banned, and then I wouldn’t be able to use weibo at all.

Like, it’s super interesting to me what Chinese people consider fundamental human nature, that’s just completely bizarre to a western audience. Like just the other day, I saw someone complaining about how men never just come out and say what they mean. They’ve got to make up this whole story and beat around the bush just to hint at what they want. Women are so much easier to deal with, because if they’ve got a problem, they just explain it outright. And I am like, really? Are you sure?

But people will report you for writing almost any kind of positive posts about America on the Chinese internet nowadays, and whether the report is true or not, your account’s gonna get banned. I’ve already had my account banned once for suggesting that maybe, CSI is a show about criminals, and therefore, that might be the reason why there are so many criminals in it. I don’t want to risk it again.

How much are Chinese social medias algorithm driven?

For example on Instagram and twitter you see post from people you follow but have also tabs for post for you interest. In Chinese social medias do people have just one type or both? - By Luis

It’s definitely both. I’ve got a tab for people I’ve chosen to follow, and a tab that’s just what’s on weibo. The second tab is split into a bunch of sub-tabs, where the first (and default) one is Hot, and is just whatever is getting the most reblogs and likes, followed by things like Local, Emotion, Funny, Star, etc, etc.

As to how much of the content I look at is algorithm driven, based on what I click on and what I like, I’m not sure. I notice that if I click into a post about, let’s say, cute doggies, weibo will show me a bunch of posts about cute doggies with a “related” tag on it. To make sure I’m not biasing the algorithm, when I do my translations, I make sure to click into every post.

I also definitely know that the algorithm can be manually biased though, because you can spend money to make Tencent pull attention away from or towards certain hashtags, and that’s just an open secret. Maybe it’s not even a secret at all. It’s just a normal service that they offer as a company.

What do Chinese people think about Taiwan? Is it just universal that everyone wants reunification, or are people not interested in that, but aren't allowed to say that out loud because that's the CCP's public position? Are people willing to go to war and send their sons and daughters to battle to reunify Taiwan? - Derek Kvedar

Chinese people feel very ambivalent about Taiwan, from what I’ve seen. Everyone I’ve talked to about this topic (and it’s honestly not that many people, because it’s a very sensitive topic in China, sort of like how it’s a little rude in America to just walk up to people you barely know and be all like, “So, how ‘bout ‘em abortions, eh?”) wants Taiwan back, certainly, but not because they particularly care about Taiwan. It’s more like it’s out of spite for Taiwan.

Sort of like how you might want your things back after breaking up with a particularly nasty ex-boyfriend who’s spent the whole time after your breakup making up nasty rumours about you, not because you actually particularly care about that toothbrush and set of pyjamas. You might not even ever use them again. You just don’t want him to have them.

It’s hard to tell what the general public thinks about Taiwan, because obviously, you’re not allowed to post anything other than being totally in support of taking back Taiwan on the internet.

As for going to war, I’ve not encountered a single Chinese person who’s ever actually considered that. Their assumption seems to be that if China takes back Taiwan, there isn’t going to be a war. Because a) Taiwanese people wouldn’t resist it anyways and b) if they do resist it, Taiwan is like barely bigger than your average soccer field. We can throw, like, three grenades and it’ll be flattened.

I think because Taiwanese separationist voices aren’t allowed on the Chinese internet, Chinese mainland people don’t really have any idea at all how much Taiwanese people don’t want to be a part of China? Like, it’s not anything people would say to your face even if you visited Taiwan as a mainland tourist anyways. So a lot of people genuinely seems to think that Taiwanese people have no problem at all with being a part of China, except for the fact that America is paying them a lot of money to stay independent. As soon as China can offer them more money, or if America gets weak enough that they can’t keep up with the payments, then Taiwan will join back in immediately, right away, with all enthusiasm.

And because China hasn’t really been in a war since, like, the Korean War? Chinese people’s concept of what modern warfare is like is still stuck in WWII-era tactics. They’re like, Taiwan’s got, like, what, all of twenty million people? And out of those, how many are gonna be able-bodied young men? China can easily draw up a 20 million strong army. Who’s even going to sincerely try to fight against those odds? And everyone just kind of selectively becomes blind to the idea that, like, if Taiwan is fighting for its independence, it’s not gonna be doing it alone.

So people are all like, “Why would we need to send our children to battle in Taiwan? There’s not gonna be a battle.” And they might lightheartedly agree to it, in the way that you might promise your girlfriend that if you have a million dollars, you’d spend all of it on a diamond ring for her. But once you actually have a million dollars, you’d think twice.

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Alright, now food recommendations!

Malatang:

Now, I am a pussy, so obviously, I’ve never actually eaten this myself. But I have smelled it while other people ate malatang in front of me. It’s sort of like Chinese oden, but spicy. Super spicy. Traditionally speaking, you’re supposed to walk up to a cart with like 30-40 different ingredients, and pick out which ones you want, and they’ll add it to the spicy soup base. You can’t do that here, obviously, and one of the main flaws of any instant noodle or hotpot brand is that they never give you enough veggies or meat. I’d suggest chopping up some spinach, mushrooms, zucchini, meatballs, and whatever else you want to throw in. I hear that malatang is one of the most popular takeout choices of uni students and young people these days.

Scallion Oil Noodles:

“You already recommended these last time.”

Yes, I know. I’m only bringing it up again to say DO NOT BUY THESE. For some reason, they’ve stopped giving out the free seaweed soups which are the only reasons I ever bought these noodles to begin with. I’d just done a huge restock of these noodles, and when I got out my pot to start making them, I put on my tea kettle too, just waiting with anticipation for that beautiful, beautiful soup to clear my palate once I was done with the noodles.

And just as my noodles were finishing up, I reached into the packet, and…nothing. There was nothing in the packet. Just noodles, scallion oil, and nothing else.

I have never been so disappointed in my life, except that one time, when I was 6-months pregnant and craving watermelon like if I didn’t have some, I would die, and had to run to three different supermarkets before I found one where they weren’t sold out of watermelon, and they had exactly one watermelon left, and I waddled towards it as fast as my stupid pregnant feet will allow, and some highschoolers appeared out of nowhere and took that last watermelon, and I literally fell to the floor of the supermarket and thought about suicide for the first time in my life.

Tomato Egg Noodles:

“You already recommended these last time too”

Yes, I know, but I actually linked people to the wrong brand last time. That other brand is still good, but the egg portions are pretty small. I found the right brand this time, and it gives you at least twice as much egg as the other brand. There’s even small mushroom and okra bits in the egg pack, so you don’t even have to throw your own veggies in. The only flaw is that this brand has smaller portion sizes. It’s just perfectly sized for me, when I’m not feeling particularly hungry anyways, but if you’re a grown-ass man, you might need to make two packs at a time to get full.

Spicy Kelp Snacks:

These are a great guilt-free, low-calorie, low-carb snack that I bought for my husband, only for them to turn out to be way too spicy for him. I know, I trusted the people in the comment section, all like, “Nah, this isn’t that spicy.” “it’s totally tolerable.” “It’s great for people who don’t like spicy.” They lied. These are spicy as fuck. You’re supposed to eat them with rice, to mellow out the spicyness, but then what’s the point of them being low calorie and low carb?

Totally vegan friendly though!

Rice-Stuffed Eggs:

This is basically like egg-fried rice, inside an actual eggshell, with an actual intact egg yolk. It’s basically Chinese wizardry. I have no idea how any of this is accomplished without some kind of teleportation displacement magic. Egg-fried rice is one of my favourite Chinese dishes, period. And I am also absolutely in love with food that is a pain in the ass to eat, because most of the time, I am not eating because I am hungry. I am eating because I need something to do with my hands while I’m watching my youtube videos. And for people who need to fidget or else they can’t concentrate, this is such a better solution than fidget spinners, because you can also eat these.

But for people who are looking for quick, simple snacks, stay away. It takes a minimum of 20 minutes to carefully remove the peel, get your finger burned, wash it under the sink, accidentally crush an eggshell piece into the rice, spending 8 minutes looking for that shell piece, and then accidentally fucking up and making all your rice fall apart.

Mushroom Soup:

It’s just a big ol’ bag of eight varieties of dried mushrooms. Soak them in water for 30 minutes, then use the exact same water and turn on a low fire, and boil that shit for 60 minutes, and you’ve got a delicious mushroom broth. I’ve never seen 7 out of 8 of these mushroom varieties in a western supermarket, so it’s definitely an exciting adventure for people into mushrooms. Alas, I’m pretty sure there’s a nonexistent chance of a hallucinogenic mushroom sneaking in. This one is also totally vegan-friendly.

Corn Syrup:

Yes. An entire litre bottle of corn syrup. What is it for? I don’t fucking know. I’ve never ordered this myself. But I’ve been told that Americans love corn syrup. So, there you go, guys. You’re welcome.

Vegetarian Pigs’ Ears:

I’ve seen all kinds of vegetarian meat, and tried just about every brand of them. But this is the first time in my life I’ve heard of vegetarian cartilage. How did they make it? Does it taste like the real thing at all? I don’t know. It’s way too spicy for me to try. If anyone is brave enough to order a pack and try it and let me know how it tastes, I will be endlessly grateful.

Chaoshan Olive Sauce:

If you’ve watched Flavourful Origins on Netflix, they’ve got a whole episode on this—the absolute ceiling of Chinese pickles. Whether you like olives or not, you absolutely need to try these. They’re so cram full of umami, it’s unbelievable. If I suddenly had to live on as little money as humanly possible, I would eat rice porridge topped with olive sauce every meal and probably never get tired of it. This was basically what my mom made for breakfast if she didn’t feel like trying that morning for my entire childhood, and I still love it. It’s way too salty to eat straight though—you gotta pair it with bread or something.

This is also totally vegan.

Watermelon-Flavoured Toast:

When I read the name of this item out loud and saw the look of horror on my husband’s face, I knew I had to order it. Alas, when it arrived, I found that it wasn’t watermelon-flavoured toast at all. It’s merely watermelon-flavoured bread, which sounds so much more boring and commonplace. Still, it’s slightly fruity bread with a creaming middle layer, that doesn’t contain a lot of added sugar. It’s what I give my kids nowadays for breakfast if I don’t feel like trying that morning. It also exists in Cantaloupe flavour and Dragonfruit flavour, but I think watermelon is the tastiest.

White Peach Oolong Flavoured Oreos:

Because Chinese Oreos are kind of like Japanese KitKats. They exist in every imaginable flavour. If you’re into the genre of bizarre Oreos, here’s some rose flavoured ones.

Soy Powder Rice Puffs:

I have no idea how these rice puffs are made. They’re nothing like popcorn. They’re almost more like…not-sugary marshmallows. They melt instantly on your tongue. They’re covered in soy powder, which sounds like some sort of nasty protein thing, but it’s actually mildly sweet and really pleasant. DO NOT EAT THESE WHERE CHILDREN CAN SEE YOU. THEY WILL CRUMBLE EVERYWHERE. THERE WILL BE DUST ON EVERYTHING.

Exotic Potato Chips:

I’ve linked to Mexican Chicken flavoured potato chips, but if you click around, you can find cucumber, mala hotpot, crayfish, fried crab, garlic roast oysters, and roasted fish flavoured potato chips too. Keep an eye on this page if you are into strange potato chips—they’ve got a barbecue eel flavour that I’ve been watching out for forever. I can’t wait to try that one. For some reason, all the weird potato chips aren’t kept together, so here’s a link to Takoyaki flavoured potato chips, and if you click around, you can find Wellington Steak and Salt and Pepper Shrimp flavoured potato chips too. And here’s some black truffle flavoured potato chips.

Soy Milk Wafers:

I’m not sure how to go about recommending this one, because technically, I did order a bag. But I didn’t get to actually eat any of it, because my daughter hogged all of it to herself and finished the whole pack in a single day. And she is, like, 9 months old. So um, if you ever find yourself in need of bribing babies, these are strangely popular with babies.

Shredded Squid:

It’s like fish jerky, which is like beef jerky, but squid. For a website that’s usually just full of nothing but carbs, this is another rare, almost all protein snack. This brand in particular is not as dry as some other brands, and it’s not as chewy.

Krill Balls:

A ball of krill, for those days when you just really want to be a whale.

Fish Jerky With Seaweed:

I’ve recommended fish jerky before—this is basically the same thing, but backed by seaweed.

Crispy Jujubes:

This fills a surprisingly empty niche in American snacks — crunchy, sweet things. It seems like most crunchy snacks in America are salty, and sweet snacks are all chewy or jelly or chocolate. It’s a freeze-dried jujube, is all. But just for it perfectly satisfying all my cravings for crunchy, sweet things, I must’ve gone through at least 30 bags of these, and I’ve got another 30 bags on the way to my house right now. I’m pretty sure these are vegan friendly.

Xinjiang Raisins:

There are completely different to what American raisins taste like, in a way that’s very hard to describe, except that they’re definitely less tart and more sweet. Honestly, even the texture is a little different. These seem stickier. But either way, I’d highly recommend trying it. I cannot stomach American raisins at all, and I’ve heard a lot of Chinese students in America complain that the hardest part is not being able to get good raisins over here.

And finally, we have:

DUCK BLOOD SOUP:

Yes, it’s no longer a link to Yamibuy. I’ve linked to Ebay instead. Because Yamibuy simply cannot keep duck blood soup in stock. It is entirely way too popular. Duck blood soup is hands down one of the most popular brands of instant noodles in all of China because they are so incredibly, unbelievably generous. Far from a lot of cheap instant noodle brands, they don’t just throw some noodles and a pack of powdered flavour stuff at you. They include little packets of tofu bits, a big ol’ packet of actual duck blood, a big ol’ packet of duck liver bits, stomach bits, and intestine bits, a pack of green onions, and a pack of spicy oil. Honestly, if you add it all up, I honestly think you get more genuine, honest to god duck blood and organ bits than actual noodles. You might think 8 bucks is a lot for some instant noodles. It’s really not. It’s so goddamn worth it.

Since I discovered these noodles, I have eaten more than a hundred packs of them, and I am still just as excited and eager as the very first day that I tried them. If I won the lottery, I would instantly invest every cent I had into Huiweizan, because if they went out of business somehow, I might actually honestly kill myself. When my son was born, and the doctor plopped him on my chest, and he looked up at me with his huge black eyes as he snuggled up against me, I told my husband, “Oh. This is it? It’s not even as good as duck blood soup.” The dopamine hit I get from eating duck blood soup is so pure and concentrated, that it really should be listed as an illegal drug. I would have to seriously, sincerely consider for at least 10 minutes whether or not I would be willing to sacrifice one of my children’s lives in a dark ritual in return for the ability to summon endless duck blood soup.

The answer would be no, by the way. Because if I could summon endless duck blood soup, then Huiweizan doesn’t get any money from me, and they deserve every cent they get.

I keep at least 10 packs of duck blood soup in my house at all times. It is the only food I hoard. Because every time duck blood soup is out of stock, all I want to do is lie face down on the couch and sigh every 3 minutes. I am not someone who cries easily, but I have cried at least once because I cannot find any duck blood soup anywhere.

I am not even remotely exaggerating here. All of the above is literally, sincerely true. I love duck blood soup. In every sense of the word. If duck blood soup was a person, I would eat him.