[It is once again our monthly FAQ time! If there’s anything you’ve always been curious about when it comes to China, or any context you think you’re missing, go ahead and submit your questions here! I’ll answer them to the best of my ability! This FAQ is going to stay open all of tomorrow, and I’ll post answers on the 2nd! Thanks for all your support, guys!]
A blogger reposts someone’s witty reply. “I’ve got a friend getting pressed into having babies by her family. Her elders kept asking why she’s not getting pregnant yet, and she asked, “I don’t know how. How are babies made?” The whole entire room of her relatives froze.”
The blogger shows a compilation of comments under this post. “I’ve heard of an even more explosive one—two postgrads were married for 7 years and never could get pregnant. They went to the hospital to check for infertility, and the doctor asked and found out they’d just been literally actually sleeping next to each other for seven years.”
“We don’t allow experimentation in puberty. We don’t permit any sex education. But as soon as you reach the “right age”, everyone starts pushing you into marriage and babies.”
“But bride price is a part of middle school curriculums.”
“Stay strong. If you don’t make seven-figures a year, don’t have children. Houses, cars, babies, education, and medical care is going to tie down your entire life. You’ve only got one of those—you know how you want to live it.”
“Your relatives are all like, “Damn, how could I speak of such things in front of such an innocent child.””
“My relatives asked me why I’m not married at my age. I told them I don’t like sleeping with men. They all got quiet too.”
“Yeah, why don’t you demonstrate for me? I don’t know how to have babies. Teach me! I wanna learn right now! I can’t wait even a minute. Once I learn from you, I’ll go have babies at home. If it doesn’t work, I’ll come back for more tutoring.”
“School never taught me how to have babies.”
“You have no idea how R-rated old people conversations can get.”
“”She’s completely wasted her education—doesn’t even know how to have kids.””
“Your relatives sitting up in the middle of the night, all like, “No way. Does she actually not know?””
“Just slam the table and stand up and yell, “I just don’t like fucking!””
“My MIL kept pressuring us to have another baby. I asked her why she’s not having another one, and she said that she was too poor when she was young to afford one. My husband told her, “We’re comfortable now. Go have another baby. We’ll help you babysit.”
“If it wasn’t for an accidental misclick while playing a phone game, I wouldn’t know how babies were made either.”
“Lol, don’t underestimate their power level. They’ll just laugh at you and tell you go to ask your parents. And now there’s something new for them to gossip about.”
“My mom told me that pressuring people into babies is sexual harassment. If they keep bringing it up after I’ve refused once, I should tell them they’re sexually harassing me.”
“My relatives would be all like, “You’ll know once you’re married. Find someone who knows to teach you, heh.””
“They’d just grin creepily and start teaching you.”
“You’re way underestimating the shamelessness of relatives who pressure you into having kids.”
“I’m getting ready to birth a little puppy. Hope it goes well.”
A blogger writes, “My best friend’s nephew came over to her house, and then…” She shows screenshots of texts.
Nephew: “I ate your Chicecream (extremely expensive brand) in the fridge. Also, your crayfish too.”
BF: “Oh my god. Do you have any idea how much that costs?”
Nephew: “Now much is it? Now I’m scared.”
Followed by screenshots of texts between the best friend and OP.
BF: [screenshot of texts with nephew]
OP: “Hahahahahaha LOL”
BF: “He’s already done eating. Too late for me to tell him to stop. Don’t know what to say.”
OP: “Tell him to consider it a gift from his uncle.”
BF: “I bought coffee for him and Cornettos, but he didn’t eat any of it. He ate my Chicecream!!”
Comments say, “I mean, I guess it’s based on how much you care about your best friend. If you care a lot, you could put up with it. If not, then you could flip out over a case of Chicecream. I mean, if my best friend’s little brother came to my house, I’d put up with anything under 500K.”
“Yeah, I think we’ve all got this wrong. OP is the owner of the ice cream. The best friend’s nephew ate her food and told his aunt about it, and the best friend got embarrassed over him eating something that expensive. That’s why she’s so harsh when talking about him in her texts with OP. That’s why OP was in a position to offer the ice cream as a gift from “his uncle”, because OP is a guy. That’s the only way these texts make any sense.”
“It’s just ice cream. If you can’t afford guests, don’t invite any over.”
Someone asks the question, “Use one example to describe how you’re spending less money. I’ll start—used to spend 20-30 RMB on Starbucks. Now I buy coffee ground to make coffee at home.”
There’s a long compilation of comments.
“If I want to buy something, I’ll go look on Ebay. If there’s a lot of people selling it, then I won’t buy it, because chances are, it’s just gonna gather dust at my house too.”
“I use NIVEA face wash now. It’s actually pretty good. But I used to use Estee Lauder or Lancome.”
“Well, I mean, to some extent, you can say you’re spending less money, but making your own coffee can get more expensive than Starbucks sometimes. I’ve got a friend who started doing this, thinking it would save money, but then he started wanting to buy any beans he hadn’t seen before, or just because they’re on sale, or upgrading his equipment…ended up spending twice as much as what he would’ve on Starbucks.”
“Spent thousands at SPAs and my pimples and blackheads stayed exactly where they were. Gave up and just spent 20 bucks on a mud face mask, and all my blackheads were gone overnight. I hate that I didn’t find out about this earlier. I feel like such a fucking idiot.”
“Everything’s gotten more expensive on Taobao. I don’t know if people have noticed. Clothes used to be super cheap in Taobao. At least you could tell which stores were expensive and which ones were cheap. But now, even tiny, never-heard-of brands charge 169 or 189 or 259 RMB for a simple shirt. I used to be able to get shirts for 150RMB, but now you can’t get anything except the cheapest quality simple T-shirt.”
“I’ve stopped shopping on Taobao, and started shopping on Temu.”
“I don’t just order what I want on Grubhub anymore, I actually use every coupon and special offer. I can save like 50% this way.”
“Using laundry powder instead of laundry soap. Using soap instead of hand soap.”
“Use to spend 688 RMB on my face cream. Now I just use Johnson & Johnson.”
“I don’t go to department stores, don’t get take out, and don’t eat at restaurants.”
“My parents came over to my place and asked where my towels were. I told them there are tissues right on the counter. They keep asking where my towels are, and I told them I can’t afford towels.”
“I don’t spend more than 20 RMB a day.”
“6.50 RMB for breakfast is too expensive. I’m cooking my own breakfast now.”
“My phone case is 3 RMB for two.”
“I’ve switched to Chinese-made pet food instead of imported pet food. Does this count?”
International Chinese News reports that, “Rioting continues in France into its fourth day. Chinatown in Paris has not managed to avoid trouble, and has faced large scale looting. The stores on the side of the Avenue de Choicy had all their windows smashed. Cars on the sides of the street have been burnt down to the phrase. The destruction is horrifying to watch.”
In the video, people are interviewed. The first lady says, “It started a couple of days ago, I think over police violence or something. They killed a seventeen year old kid or something. So I guess people are really angry.”
Next is a store owner, who says, “Yeah, it was all over the police accidentally hitting a seventeen year old boy, so now all of Paris is in chaos. There’s stuff happening in every community. We’ve got burning cars around here, people smashing windows, looting stuff. You’ve got a lot of hoodlums, who take advantage to come out and loot. We got up in the morning and came in to work, and were all like, “Oh god, it’s a mess!” It took a lot of hassle to find people and call insurance, not that the insurance company ever picked up our calls. And now we’re trying to get emergency maintenance, but with the glass all messed up, it’s not gonna get fixed any time soon. We gotta order new glass, and everything moves so slow in France. We’re taking a lot of losses, but there’s nothing we can do. We’re gonna call the police later. Just these three pieces of glass we lost add up to over 2600 Euros.”
The interview with the first lady continues, “Um, I wasn’t that scared, because I live a little distance away from here. I just kept on with my life.”
The man says, “Yeah, I came over to France in September of last year. I mentally prepared myself before I came to France. So I wasn’t that scared when I saw this going down. But I still feel like it’s such a shame, because all of this is someone’s private property. Even if they wanted to protest, they still shouldn’t go about destroying other people’s private property. Otherwise, people are just gonna dislike them more and more. They should protest in a more peaceful way. Of course, I understand their anger, but this whole situation is just such a shame. But I’m not scared, because this is all pretty normal for France or America or western countries.”
Back to the store owner, she says, “This sort of stuff has happened two or three times in the twenty years we’ve been open. It’s been young people opportunistically looting every time. Mostly teenagers. This happened last time there was a protest in France too. Honestly, Chinatown is just full of Asians minding their own business. It’s not like we got into conflict with anybody. They just want to loot. They took an entire ATM with them. Lots of stores have lost their ATMs.”
The caption read at the end, “Right now, Chinatown is full of pedestrian traffic, and order has returned, as though it’s just another normal day.”
Comments say, “This is all because they brought in black people.”
”They’ll light bonfires and steal over the smallest of disagreements.”
“Are we not taking any preventative measures in Guangzhou?”
Someone asks, “What are some cool facts in the medical field?”
Comments reply, “Teeth nerves can be implanted in the eye to let blind people see. But this surgery can only be performed by Doctor Tao Yong. Yeah, that Doctor Tao Yong. The one who was stabbed by his patient several times. TT_TT”
“If you’re in a major accident where lots of people were injured, and you want to be treated quickly, then don’t scream and shout.”
“If you’re bleeding profusely, don’t drink water. Do not drink water! If you got stabbed and didn’t immediately keel over, then just to save your life, your brain is gonna switch on your God-Mode cheat and make you invincible for a little while.”
“If you get super thirsty after a car accident, do not drink water.”
A compilation of funny texts between girls who are best friends with each other.
“I was eating at the cafeteria this morning, and got a spell of anaemia. Suddenly got dizzy and fell into my food. That’s when my best friend stood up and loudly screamed, “Everyone stop eating! The food is poisoned!” At that moment, I really wished I had passed out for real.”
“Girl, a guy asked me out today! Now I’ve got two boyfriends. What do I do?”
“Split one.”
“Which one do you want?”
“I’m telling you to split up with one, not to split me one.”
“[reaction image of “I am splitting apart”, usually to express a mixture of disbelief and disgust]”
“No, don’t split up!”
“Quick, sew me up!”
“[Photoshopped reaction image] I’m not great with needlework.”
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I’m gonna die laughing!”
“Your hairline is gonna move back 10 centimetres.”
“Your calves are gonna widen by 10 centimetres. [Doge]”
“You’ll lose one of your bluetooth earbuds.”
“Your lace underwear is never gonna dry.”
“Every time a guy comes over to your house, your toilet is gonna be clogged.”
“Your makeup brushes are always gonna be covered in cat hair.”
“Every time you change your sheets, your cat’s gonna pee in your bed.”
“Your laptop keyboard’s gonna get soaked in water every day.”
“It’s not raining. You could always bring an umbrella. What if, right?”
“There are tons of umbrellas in my dorm. It’s okay. I’m gonna see you soon. I’m so happy. What’s it matter if I get rained on a bit? What’s it matter!?”
“[Link to song Stop Pretending by Bibi Zhou]”
“My classmate said he’s gonna beat me up tomorrow. Don’t you have a tattoo? Come help me out.”
“I’ve got a tattoo of cherry blossoms. What the fuck am I gonna do? Go over and tell them romance is never gonna die?”
“You wanna go to Shanghai?”
“When?”
“YOLO, right now.”
“With whom?”
“Just the two of us. Your mom gonna let you?”
“No. What about your mom?”
“No.”
“Just burnt my tongue eating noodles. It hurts so much. Is there anyone with icy abs?”
“My feet are icy.”
“Fuck off.”
“Girl, ask your boyfriend if it’s alright to come over to my place tonight.”
“Sure, I’ll ask him.”
“I’m getting groceries right now. What should I make for dinner?”
“Ask him. He’s on his way right now.”
“I was asking for you to come over to my house! Are you crazy!?”
“Hahahaha, I thought you were asking for him to go over.”
“Is that the stage of friendship we are at? There is no you and me, there is only us? Have you been enlightened? [Doge]”
Do you know of any books/sites/et cetera that are the inverse of yours, explaining America for a Chinese audience, and if so what are they like?
Surely towels would save money compared to tissues, since towels are reusable?