06/16/23 - My life is in its final countdown.
“This is some pretty amazing shit in the whole world of dating. Did I get sold off as a favour by my coworker? I’m angry and laughing at the same time. What a fucking weirdo. I didn’t want to post it to my personal social media, so I’ll post this here. I’m trying think of the best way to tell him off. Anyone have any ideas?”
She attaches screenshots of her texts with her date.
Date: “I’m Xie Feng, Aya recommended me.”
OP: “Hello, sorry, I was busy livestreaming early. Just ended now. Aya introduced us, right? I’m a little busy with work, so sorry. What has Aya told you about me?”
Date: “It’s alright. I’m eating. Aya showed me your photo, and I thought you look pretty good. I mean, either way, I’m getting older and my family’s pressuring me to get married, so I thought I’d have Aya recommend me somebody. I’m a bit of a straightforward guy, STEM major and all that. If I offend you, please don’t mind. You’ve got the sort of face that my mom would like. You’re just a little short. Btw, do you have photos without make up on? Show me.”
OP: “…161cm is short? No, really, how tall are you? What all has Aya told you? Did she send you my modelling resume?”
Date: “Yeah. I’m 175cm. At your height, you’d look pretty short next to me.”
OP: “Pft, K, lol.”
Date: “And you’re a bit too thin. I’ve seen your resume, and it says you’re 42kg, right? You need to eat more. I’ll take you out to restaurants.”
OP: “Is there a possibility that we’re not nearly at the point where it’s appropriate to have this conversation yet?”
Date: “Well, we’ll get there if we keep talking. Btw, Aya said you’re from Wenzhou? Where in Wenzhou?”
OP: “Where are you from?”
Date: “I’m from Zhejiang.”
OP: “Where in Zhejiang?”
Date: “Lishui. I hear that in Wenzhou, people don’t want any bride price. And they give out really high dowries—the higher, the more face you have. Is it true?”
OP: “Bro. Holy shit. We’ve been talking for ten minutes, and you want to discuss bride prices? I don’t have any dowry. My family doesn’t have that custom.”
Date: “Um. Your dad isn’t gonna give you a dowry? Doesn’t he love you? I’ve seen your social media posts, and you carry expensive handbags and live in really nice houses and has a nice car. Don’t you just have one older sister who’s married? Your dad isn’t dividing a dowry between the two of you?”
OP: “What do I care what my dad thinks. I’m gonna go eat soon, probably won’t respond for a while. Maybe we should talk some other time.”
Date: “It’s okay. You can text while eating. Aya says that you live near Siqiao in Hangzhou? How’s the housing prices around there? The housing market’s been plummeting like crazy this year. I was gonna look up some houses in Binjiang, to buy another one. I don’t like the apartment I’m in right now. I want to switch to a proper house.”
OP: “Nah, it hasn’t fallen. City-centre houses usually doesn’t fall much.”
Date: “Do you still live at home? I’ll go over tomorrow and we can go look at some houses together.”
OP: “Huh? ….No, I live in my own apartment.”
Date: “Oh, that’s not bad either. Once we’re married, we can rent the extra apartments out. Apartments are really hard to sell these days anyways. They’re not worth any money. We’re better off renting it.”
OP: “Huh? Where the hell did “once we’re married” come from?”
Date: “I’m just saying. Btw, how many kids do you want to have? I want a boy and a girl, to form a “good” character with. (好 is composed of a particle for “girl” and a particle for “son”)”
OP: “? Wait, wait, what have I missed?”
Date: “You haven’t been reading bullshit internet stories and decided you don’t want kids, right? Your life isn’t complete without kids.”
OP: “Who the fuck are you to talk to me like this, bro?”
Date: “Your pursuer? I like you quite a bit, and my mom really approves of your looks and background. She’s the one who encouraged me to reach out.”
OP: “Why the fuck does your mom know about me too. What the fuck has Aya been sending you?”
Date: “Nothing much. I went digging in your social media history. I see your family’s bought you a house already, so when we buy a marital house, we can use my quota. I feel like we’re a good match together.”
OP: “Hold on a minute. You’re 175cm? How heavy are you?”
Date: “80kg. It’s all muscle. I work out.”
OP: “…”
Date: “I see you’re making a lot of money on your livestreams too. I’ve got a good salary too. Well, you don’t have to take care of our kids yourself. We can hire a nanny. We can have two kids and they can play with each other. Wouldn’t that be nice?”
OP: “How much do you make a year?”
Date: “About 300K. On average 20K a month, depending on my commissions.”
OP: “…Has Aya told you how much I make per year? You’re trying to buy a Binjiang house on that salary? Do your parents own their own business or something?”
Date: “Nah, my parents are retired. My dad’s a civil servant, and my mom’s a teacher.”
OP: “Then how the hell are you gonna buy a house in Binjiang?”
Date: “Well, it’s gonna be our marital house, right?”
OP: “I’m just asking where you’re gonna get your money.”
Date: “If it’s a marital house, then surely, both sides have to pitch in. Btw, my mom likes a lot of your outfits in your social media posts. She says you’ve got good taste. If you’re looking to buy her gifts, just buy her clothes. My mom is a pretty chill lady. She doesn’t need anything expensive like handbags or watches.”
OP: “…First, we’re just complete strangers introduced together by my coworker. We should not be talking about marriage yet. Your mom has nothing to do with me. Second, you’re born in ’91 and make 300K a year, and you want a house in fucking Binjiang? I’m going to dinner. Stop talking to me.”
Date: “What is up with your tone? You’re fucking 28. Stop acting like a princess. In another two years, you can’t even have kids anymore. It won’t fucking matter then how hot you look. Your temper is way too bad. You’re not gonna get anywhere like this.”
Comments ask, “Did you murder Aya’s mom or something?”
“Normally, “I don’t mean to offend” is usually a sign they’re definitely about to start offending you.”
“Lol, he can’t even afford a cemetery plot in Binjiang.”
An author writes, “I just watched two videos of childrearing, and I’ve been completely shocked by the biological instincts of humanity.
The first video was absolutely terrifying. The little kid had Bipolar disorder + language difficulties. She can’t control her screaming and yelling. And her mother would super gently, with endless patience…deliberately trigger her. The little kid gets home and needs to do homework (apparently, this type of kid is really sensitive about routines and boundaries), but her mom brings her little brother in, and insists that she changes clothes first. She starts getting anxious, starts yelling for her mom to go away. The mom leaves for a bit, and the kid visibly calms herself down. And then! The mom comes right back! And insists that she has a glass of milk first! And the little kid starts freaking out again. And while she’s freaking out, her mom is gently and slowly lecturing her, like, “Is it alright to speak to you mommy this way? What happened at school?” All while she’s continuing to insist that the little kid has to change her clothes before she can get to her homework.
…Like, it’s terrifying because it really seems like the mom is deliberately doing it. That she’s enjoying this process of reducing another person to screaming with just a couple of well-placed words.
The second video contains a kid that’s like a little demon. He’s in 7th grade, and he insists on cosleeping with his mom at night. If she tries to refuse, then he’s start flipping out, kicking her repeatedly in her injury, tearing her hair.
Like, both of these kids have mental problems. They can’t properly communicate with the outside world. They’re like two animals in the human world.
While the first kid is in a normal state, she would say that she can’t control herself. She feels bad for her mommy and daddy. If there was a hospital that can make her stop freaking out, she’d be willing to go. (this particular section was really hard to watch) But as soon as she gets triggered, she’ll throw any social norms out of the window. She’ll just keep screaming, “GO AWAY, MOM! GO AWAY, MOM!” over and over again. I feel like this is a deep animal instinct of self protection. While everyone, including the lucid version of herself, thinks that her parents are genuinely trying to help her, she can sense the maliciousness that comes from her mother. She wants to run away.
Whereas the second kid probably doesn’t love his mom at all. He seems to instinctively know that his father, his grandmother, almost everyone in society hates him. His mother is the only person who gives him a sense of safety and love. Even if he had to beat her, even if he had to drag her along the ground and watch her clutch her surgery wound in pain, he has to keep her at his side.
When I saw these videos, I felt like wow, animal instincts are so strong. When your instincts are telling you something is wrong, don’t believe in social normals or what’s appropriate. Just run.”
Comments say, “Yeah, it’s terrifying. I’ve watched tons of videos of parents setting off their kids deliberately. And once the kid freaks out, the parents would be all like, “Look how ridiculous he’s being. I have to beat him.” As though they did nothing wrong to begin with, and are just emotionlessly judging the kid from some moral high ground. Even though you can clearly see the kid was pushed to that point by them.”
“Some parents are just controlling psychos. They’re usually highly paid in a skilled job too. They’re just super narcissistic, with no ability to empathise. They know how to cover up what they’re doing with a veneer of gentleness, so it looks like they’re being perfectly reasonable with the kid. Stay away from parents and in-laws like this. Don’t give them a stage for their narcissism.”
“The second kid really is scary though. He started off with self-harm, and then moved on to abusing his mom. The experts said that he’s scared of abandonment, and that you need to give him a sense of security. But if I was his mom, I would really abandon him. Even if I had to risk my life to give birth to him, like his mother did, I would still just leave. Because he’s destined to take my life someday.”
Someone posts the qualities of their dream wife. “Makes 4K a month, can cook, cleans the house, doesn’t shop on the internet, can provide her husband with a loving home, will be frugal with money. 160cm in height, no more than 60kg in weight. Doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink. Or at least only drinks a little at home. Doesn’t send guys flirty messages, has a sense of responsibility to her family. Is it possible to find a wife like this?”
Comments ask, “So you’re looking for a maid who also makes money for you?”
“These are such low standards.”
“Sure. I meet all these criteria. But while I’m cooking, my husband helps with food prep, or takes care of the baby. When I’m mopping the floors, my husband’s handwashing the baby’s clothes. I don’t shop online for myself, but I buy loads of baby stuff. I don’t smoke or drink, and my husband doesn’t smoke or drink. I don’t chat on the internet, but my husband comes home straight after work every day. I don’t make a lot of money, but my husband turns his salary in to me every month. I’m not fat, and my husband’s not fat. So it’s not that you can’t find wives like this, but all of these criteria have to apply both ways.”
“My son’s daycare accepts kids three years or older, and requires that all kiddo have to be able to go to the bathroom independently, lower the seat, pull off their own pants, wipe their own butts, and turn on the sink and wash their hands by themselves. All on their own. Apparently the reason is that, “After the kiddos are three, it’s inappropriate for the teachers to help.” But either way, if you don’t know how to, then the teachers aren’t gonna help anyways.
Honestly, I find this pretty unreasonable requirements. Especially asking three year olds to wipe their own butts clean. Getting yourself clean after a bathroom trip is actually pretty hard.
But what can I do? I just gotta keep teaching him and letting him practice at home. Kids catch onto things pretty quickly. Every time I see my kiddo sitting on the bathroom, super seriously folding the toilet paper into a little square and super carefully wiping his butt, and then pulling up his pants by himself and standing on his tippy toes on a stool to wash his hands—honestly, I’m kind of touched.”
Comments say, “The first time our baby pooped into the toilet, the whole family teared up. Daddy said, “Our baby is really trying his best to get used to this world.”
“Mine’s five years old and still has to have an adult help wipe her butt. Thank god she never poops at school and holds it for home.”
“Yeah, I know this feel! Watching a tiny little human being overcome the various little or big obstacles and problems in life. It’s super touching for some reason!”
Recently, a extremely popular online tutor said during a livestreamed lesson, “If a kid can score 590 points in STEM subjects and wants to major in Journalism, I would literally beat him to unconsciousness.” This has raised the ire of the professor of Journalism at Chonqing University, who says that, “Don’t be fooled by influencers. Journalism can be a weapon and an artform.” (能文能武 - be able to be a scholar and a warrior, used in Dynastic Chinese times to refer to someone who is a jack of all trades)
Comments say, “Nah, I trust the influencer.”
“Yeah, journalism can smell and can smother (能闻能捂 - pronounced the same as above). They can smell money, and they can smother the truth.”
“I mean, you majored in mechanical engineering, and then got a law degree, and the only news-related item on your resume is being the editor of Chongqing University Student Paper. Most people can’t get a career like that.”
A test of your EQ. “Every time you eat out with your boss, he’ll say comments like, “When you’re eating with a beauty, you don’t need wine to get tipsy.” How would you respond?”
Comments say, “Every time I hear you talk, I don’t need wine to throw up.”
“Why do I need to respond? I’m eating. When the boss is talking, I’m eating. When the boss is proposing a toast, I’m eating. When the boss is serving himself food, I’m eating. I’m too busy eating to respond to anything.”
“Well, wait two minutes and I’ll wipe off my make up so you can sober up.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I am pretty. Good taste.”
“Don’t think that you can get out of drinking by pretending to be drunk. Hurry up and finish your glass. You’re already two glasses behind!”
“The restaurant owner saw the bread I tore up, and asked me where I’m from and how long I’m visiting Xi’an for. Do I look really amateur? How do locals here tear bread?”
In the comments, someone asks, “As an out-of-stater, I’m genuinely asking, is there a difference between machine-torn bread and hand-torn bread? I always choose pre-torn bread in Xi’an, and so does my local classmate. Doesn’t it feel like a waste of time to tear your own bread?”
And people reply, “There’s not much of a difference. Maybe it’s a little better to hand-tear bread, but as someone who’s super lazy, it doesn’t make enough of a difference to me. At least, not compared to the time spent. But some people apparently just like the ritual of it.”
“There’s a big difference. The machine-torn ones have harder edges and don’t take on flavour as well as the hand-torn ones. And they’re harder to digest.”
“I’ve heard from my Xi’am friends that the reason people hand-tear bread is to sit around the table and talk. You order a couple of cold dishes, and gossip while tearing bread.”
“If I’m starving, I wouldn’t order soaked bread.”
There are some pictures of properly torn bread too.
A compilation of the wealth gap.
“The same age but different lives. A scavenger boy becomes drawn to the cartoon playing on a little girl’s phone and momentarily pauses to watch it.”
“13-year-old boy with severe depression brought on because of constant reminders that his family is poor and he needs to keep his head down. It caused him to blame himself, and as time went on, it turned into mental health problems.”
In the subtitles, the boy’s mother asks, “What do you have to be depressed about, son?”
“I’m 16, born in Shanghai. I can go to whichever school I want. I can wear makeup, I can do my nails, I can curl my hair. I can wear whatever I want. I can use the iphone 13 pro max my mom bought me. I can go out, but I have to come home at night. I’ve got 6000 RMB of spending money per month, and can do what I like with it. My dad and my mom support me on everything. This is my sweet 16.”
“I’m sixteen. My parents are divorced. My grandparents are passed away. I’m working in a sweatshop, and just bought my dream secondhand iPhone X. Every month, I send 3000 to my dad and keep 1500 for myself. I don’t have anything or anyone I like. This is my sixteen, and this is going to be the rest of my life.”
“In 2022, I got diagnosed with mid-stage bone cancer, and even if we sold every thread and needle in our house, we couldn’t put together the 100K needed for treatment. My life is in its final countdown.”
“Lol, the red pocket money I got for New Years is 100K.”
A man is kowtowing to his fans in return for money on livestream. Someone asks, “Dude, are you really gonna throw away your dignity for some money?”
And he replies, “I’m not afraid of losing face. I’m afraid my sister can’t afford to go to university.”
A 57-year-old man rescued a drowning person from the river. He said that when he was 10-years-old, he watched his 7-year-old sister drown. After nearly 50 years, he still cries about it at night.
Comments say, “He’s practiced countless times in his dreams. How could he fail this again?”
“This might be the closure that his sister has arranged for him, so he can put down this painful memory and move on.”
“This is a lifelong regret. He’s lived in guilt his whole life.”
A little boy spend his father’s medical treatment money on a phone came. His father has passed away now. The gaming company will refund all the money.
Comments say, “This is a lesson his dad taught him with his life.”
A man is livestreaming mukbang videos, and a comment reads, “You’ll never get rich your whole life. You’re destined to be poor. It’s written on your face.”
OP replies, “I’m just happy that I can eat my fill.”
A woman lost her mother in her teen years, lost her father in her twenties, lost her husband in her forties, and lost her son in her sixties. Now she is almost seventy and is taking care of her daughter with cancer. The daughter says, “I used to believe that I could help her live the good life. I never thought I’d become yet another burden to her.”
Comments say, “Some live in high towers. Some live in deep trenches. Some glow with light. Some are covered with rust.”
“I hate. I’m not even someone with a particularly good life, and it’s still so upsetting to see stuff like this.”
“I only found out after I came to uni in Beijing that the mountains are a lot farther away from Beijing than a mere 2000 km.”