Just realised I put the wrong title on yesterday’s post, because I was so tired. Don’t worry, I’ve saved all the questions from yesterday, you don’t have to post them again. :)
Daily Economic News writes that, “The Director of Chinese Population Development and Research Centre, He Dan writes, “Many regions focus on policies that encourage second or third children, but the birth of first children as a guarantee of raising birth rates is often ignored.” They point out the important of encouraging first children too. From the structure of births in China, there’s plenty of room for improvement.
Statistics show that from 2019 to 2022, the birth rate for first children has fallen from 0.7 to 0.5. The average age at which people have first children rose from 26.4 to 27.4. The vice-chair of the Chinese Population Committee also writes, “Right now, second or later children account for 40% of children born in China, while there are far too few first children born. This is not a normal phenomenon.”
A blogger covering this piece of news writes, “If these statistics are true, that’s not only the lowest birth rate in the world, it’s the lowest birth rate in human history.”
Comment say, “This is all because of feminism. It’s only going to get lower. Any country that has feminism inevitably has population collapse.”
“So, once again, you don’t mention a single word about rising costs and housing prices and childcare expenses, huh. Fuck your birthrates.”
“Rest assured, it can always get lower.”
“I still love my ex. This is my ex-boyfriend. He’s 174cm tall, 75kg, looks very thin. Often goes a month without showering. Washes his hair very day, but never cuts his hair. Usually brushes his teeth about 3-4 times a week—they’ve mostly rotted out by now. The crotch of his pants always smell like pee, and his feet stink to high heavens. The first time I went over to his house, I could tell. He’ll keep wearing clothes after they’re pilling, and never wipes his shoes when they get dirty. I’m a pretty picky person, but somehow, I just don’t care about any of that. We’ve known each other for a year, and he’s completely himself in front of me. Not afraid at all that I’d stop liking him. But the important part is—he doesn’t think I’m good enough for him. But if he cleans up properly, he’s not bad looking.”
Comments say, “Girl, check if you’ve got a voodoo curse on you.”
A car reviewer writes, “I just reposted a story of a kid who wasn’t in a safety seat, and ended up paralysed in a car crash. That’s the first time I found out how many people weren’t getting baby seats for their babies.
I’ll say my conclusion first: You have to. It’s for the sake of safety. If you hold your baby in your lap, you’re just using that baby as an airbag. They’ll be fucked up in any car accident.
I’ve seen a lot of people say that their babies fuss too much to stay in the seat, and I’ll tell you about my experience.
Put them in the baby seat from birth. As soon as they’re leaving the house at all, put them in the baby seat, and always keep them in the baby seat. If you start before they even know anything, there’s no way they would start fussing when they grow up. They might even be uncomfortable without their baby seat. You need to start from the beginning and turn it into a habit.
If they’re too old already, then just let them cry. Put them on the seat, and so long as they don’t pass out from crying, let them cry. Once they’ve thrown a tantrum two or three times, they’ll figure out that it’s useless and they’ll accept it. Of course, make sure that it’s a safe environment, and they can’t suffocate from crying. Have someone watching over them to handle that. Everyone I know used this method to change their babies’ habits.
Don’t buy cheap car seats. No matter how poor your family is, a couple thousand RMB buys you a car seat that lasts years and years. For the sake of your child’s life and safety, choose car seats that are up to standard and use good materials. Go with big name brands first. Once you’re done, you can pass it down to your friends or family who are having kids. You can go through several rounds of kids with them.
If you have multiple cars, put a safety seat in each one. If you’re regularly driving your kids around in the car without a baby seat, then the risk is just as high. If you only rarely drive your backup car, then you don’t need multiple seats, just switch your car seat over when you do. Most car seats are designed nowadays to be easy and quick to install.
If you’re kid’s too big to fit in the car seat, but without it, the safety belt goes across their neck, then get them a booster seat. They’ll need to use that until the seatbelt goes across their collarbone instead of their neck.
There is no reason that babies don’t sit in baby seats except that the adults are ignorant, have low standards, and compromise too much.”
Comments say, “But it’s too hot in the summer with the foam material of the seats. My kid gets super antsy and overheated.”
“You’re right, and I’ve been trying to tell everyone around me this, and some listen, but the majority just find some excuse to make me shut up.”
“There’s a collapsible easy-carry safety seat for sale on the internet. Are those a tax on low IQ?”
A blogger posts a photo of a book passage, saying, “The dopamine produced by running is second only to dating. 3km will cure any frustration, 5km will heal trauma. 10km will leave you with nothing but openness and kindness in your heart.”
Comments say, “I can’t even run 2km.”
“But I get blisters so much T_T”
“I used to be able to run 10km. Now I can’t even run 1km.”
“Lately, in Shenzhen, a woman went to eat at a friend’s restaurant to help out with business. The friend said that nothing was expensive here, and ordered for the table, and the bill ended up adding up to 7472 RMB for 6 people. The woman, Ms. Chen, says that she had known the restaurant owner for 2 years. She thought she’d support his business, so she went there that day, and asked beforehand what price range his restaurant was at. He said they weren’t expensive at all, but when she showed up, she found out that he’d already ordered for the table. On the restaurant’s internet page, it says the average is 420 RMB per person, so she didn’t mind, but when the bill came, it was over 7K, including 700.8 RMB in tips. But they had to pour their drinks themselves. After this friend has seen her social media posts, he’s given her a refund of 3K.”
There’s a tiktok video attached, where she shows the receipt and explain the above situation herself.
Comments say, “Wow, people in Shenzhen should really stay away if he fucks over even his friends.”
“Napkins, 10 RMB. Wet wipes, 18 RMB. Holy shit, just those add up to a decent meal for me.”
“This would be overpriced if he’d only charged 2K. A single stir-fried sword-leaf is 98 RMB? This is just robbery.”
“White eggplants are 128RMB? What the hell are his profit margins?”
An author writes, “I get DMs all the time from people who say that they’re working full-time while taking care of a kid. Their husband never brings any money home and never helps with the kid, and there’s no intimacy anymore. But they always end by saying they’re too scared to get a divorce, because they don’t know what they’re gonna do alone with a kid. And I just don’t get it.
What’s the difference between the two?”
Comments agree, “A lot of people say that having an extra person in your house is going to be of some help at some point, as though it doesn’t cost anything to maintain that husband either.”
“The difference is legitimacy, I suppose.”
“The difference is what society thinks and PUA from your family. No, seriously, this can cause legit mental issues. My cousin has been divorced from her ex-husband for years. Her son has already graduated and enlisted. But just because neither of them have been remarried, a while ago, when my grandma passed away, all of our relatives were trying to talk them into getting back together. They’re both over their fifties. You can tell what young couples would face if they divorced.”
A singer and actor writes, “Dear Milly,
I asked you today, are you a happy child? You nodded and told me, yeah, pretty good!
Tonight, I bought you a rare serving of ice cream to celebrate your holiday. We played your favourite music. You were so happy as you said that tonight was a very romantic night, and shared your ice cream with mommy.
I often feel that kiddos like you know how to forgive more than adults. Sometimes, adults don’t come through on their promises to you, or accidentally break your toys. You might be sad for a moment, but when you see adults apologise sincerely, you come and hug us and say, “It’s okay, mama.”
Little kiddos rarely hold onto a grudge. Just a couple of words of comfort, and you become happy again from the bottom of your hearts. You know love so deeply. You know how to forget the bad sides of adults, you know how to forgive adults. But adults are different. They love to bring up the past, as though they can appear more reasonable when they pile all the flaws of their children up in one place. As though they can appear more hardworking when they continuously remind you of your mistakes. Adults really need to learn from you.
And your focus on the present. When you’re doing your favourite things, it’s like you forget time. You’d never do one thing and have your mind be on something else. You can even forget to eat. This kind of focus is lacking in adults.
Mommy sees the creativity of children in you. You can reassemble the couches and chairs at home into a new fort, and invite me inside. You can read the same book a hundred times, and find something different in it. You’re the best inventor—you can accept so many things you’ve never seen before. Adults are super stubborn. Some people get mad as soon as they encounter opinions different from their own.
Mommy sees your adventurousness. You always like to run in front, saying to me, “Mommy! Can we go see if the cat in the park has given birth to kitties? Mommy, if I climb that tree, can I see the ocean? Mommy, if I eat chocolate with chicken drumsticks, have I invented a new dish?” Your world has no standard answers, and that makes me ashamed. Because most adults would say to their kid, “Go away, I’m busy, what’s the point in that?” How strange is that? If we all only do what we already know, then the world would be super boring. Not to mention, humans know so very little, but so many adults think they know everything. Adults are totally boring.
When mommy is with you, mommy learns so much. You awaken the little girl in mommy’s heart who’s also creative and adventurous and loving and accepting and focused. And the adult in mommy’s heart who’s filled with old habits begins to rattle and shake and loosen. Every day, I tell myself, don’t think you’re more knowledgeable just because you’re older. Just like your brother says, no one’s been to the future you’re going to. We need to keep humble and face life, and not think of our selves as creator gods, giving out commentary on everything.
I’m thankful to my favourite little kids, Milly, and your brother. You’re my best experience in the world. I hope you can keep these amazing qualities forever, and take mommy to that unseen, unimaginable, but ever more prosperous future.
Happy Children’s Day!”
She attaches photos of art by her kiddo.
Comments say, “She even drew you with a Chanel bag! That’s such a neat detail!”
“But her brother isn’t in any of her art T_T”
“We’re all underestimating children.”
A makeup blogger wants to know the difference between these two bread rolls:
Comments explain, “The first one feels drier. The second one feels softer, moister, and smoother.” OP replies, “But the first one is tastier and chewier.”
“As someone from the steamed bread province, I’m here to explain—the first one used wheat that was higher in gluten, making for stretchier dough, producing a chewier texture, with more of the fragrance of wheat. The second one used flour that was too dry—it loses all its gluten as soon as it touches water, and becomes very loose and grainy, and doesn’t have as nice of a texture. But the split moment you put it into your mouth, it might taste sweeter than the first bun.
“The first type is tastier. The second type has added sugar. My dog doesn’t like the second type, and he can tell, so we always buy the northern, chewier kind of bread.”
“The first one was made by hand with yeast, and the second one is machine made.”
“The first one has a kind of sourness from yeast. Even if they added baking powder, it still leaves a smell. I hate it.”
“I don’t know if you’ve ever eaten home-made steamed bread before—it’s not even in the same category as what they sell. We ate store-bought mantou for years and years, and just a couple of months ago, my mom made a pot by hand. That chewiness! That texture! And you can keep resteaming them, and they taste just as good. The store-bought kind are completely logged with water if you resteam them once.”
A tiktok video of a child in a frog mascot costume, with the blogger saying, “I feel like this is exactly how those frogs should sound like. It’s so cute!”
Comments agree, “Buy it for her! Right now! Right away!”
“This is the cutest frog I’ve ever seen!”
“Now left over women are laying flat too. I’ve got a coworker in my company, 35 years old. She’s not from Shanghai, but she’s got a car and a house in Shanghai. 168cm, super fair, shoulder-length hair, great vibes, from the south, pretty good-looking, and regularly works out or swims, very disciplined, and travels regularly. I could never figure out how a girl like her managed to stay single.
I’ve introduced dates to her before, but now I don’t dare to anymore. Why? Because my friend said that while this girl is not bad, but he needs to consider marriage and children too. She’s just too old. He’d rather consider someone born after ’95. Doesn’t matter if they are a total bum, so long as they’re young.
Not just this coworker, a lot of older left-over women are lying flat. Especially in big cities, most high quality girls end up left over. Ultimately, it’s just because their expectations were too high when they were young. And now, age is their biggest obstacle that they can’t change. As soon as women get past 30, they age super quickly.
So, for those older left over women, they just live freely by themselves, like, “Well, this is just who I am. I’m smashing an already broken pot. It doesn’t matter anymore.” Maybe for them, that is the ideal life.”
Comments say, “How is this lying flat? What, only marrying and having kids count as eagerly participating in life?”
“If you can’t find someone high quality, why do you need to marry a low-quality bastard to add stress to your life?”
“If you’ve got everything you want, why do you need to find a burden to spend your money?”
A childcare blogger posts a fan submission they received: “There’s something I’d like your help with. Were your kids well behaved when they started going to daycare? Did the teachers report any problems? My son just turned three years old. Because my work got busy, I sent him to a private daycare. It’s only been two months, and the teacher keeps complaining that he doesn’t sit down for class and listen, and will influence the other kids to not listen, and sometimes throws tantrums. The teacher doesn’t know what to do with him, so she’s complaining to us. I understand that my kid’s too young and doesn’t understand the rules, and want the teachers to be patient and bear with him. Yeah, he’s a bit of a handful at home too, and I usually take a gentle approach. I wouldn’t lecture him to his face.
But today, the teacher said that he won’t take a nap. When she tried to force him to nap, he started crying and screaming and waking the other kids up. She suggested that I keep him home for naps. We didn’t talk more because she was busy with other parents picking up their kids, but when I got home, I noticed some red, swollen marks around his mouth. I wanted to ask the teacher what happened and talk a bit more about his suggestion to me. We exchanged texts shown below. At the end, a different teacher talked to me for hours and arranged a meeting for tomorrow.
I honestly got so emotional that I cried. Sure, I might be sensitive. I’m scared that my kid’s being singled out at school for being disobedient. I can’t sleep. I feel helpless. Three years old is when kids are naturally running free and filled with curiosity for the world. How could you put him down like that just for not listening to the teachers? I don’t get it. I understand that teachers have it hard too, but I don’t know what to do, how to communicate with them. Or is this a problem with me and my kid? If you have time, give me some advice. I’m so lost.”
The texts start with a message from the mom, “Teacher, did he bump his mouth today?”
Teacher: “Yes. All the kids were playing with the little slide. He climbed onto the big slide on his own, and didn’t manage to sit straight while sliding down, and ended up landing on his face. I’ve put his sun jacket in his bag for you to take home by the way.”
Mom: “I feel like this sort of bumps can be avoided.”
Teacher: “Your kid won’t listen. If that continues, then he’ll need his own teacher just to keep an eye on him, and that would be unfair to the other kids. So teachers avoid this too. But your kid hasn’t improved at all since he started coming to class.”
The blogger writes, “The daycare teacher communicated pretty clearly in his texts that he’s not looking to take responsibility, but to shift responsibility. For example, “he climbed onto the big slide on his own.” It’s about shifting the blame onto the kid, and putting the pressure on the parents. If a kid got hurt and the daycare teacher knew, then it’s more appropriate for him to tell the parents right off the bat.
If I were the parent in this case, I’d find a different daycare. This is just two different childrearing concepts.”
Comments say, “Well, the parent and the teacher are both responsible. The teacher’s trying to shift responsibility. The parent thinks that whether their kid is a little hellion or not, the daycare needs to make sure he doesn’t get any bumps. The teachers really can’t keep an eye on thirty something kids at all times, especially the more rambunctious ones. They can get away in just a blink.”
“When the parent is all like, “I feel like bumps can be avoided”…everyone bumps and bonks at daycare. That’s completely unavoidable. Even at home, kids bump themselves on things all the time.”
“I’d immediately change daycare if I encountered a place like this. The definition the teacher has for a good kid is someone who obeys commands and is easy to watch. What, am I sending my kid to jail? But to avoid exactly this situation, I’d do my best to make sure my kid goes to daycare late, when he’s a bit older and better off.”
The little frog was adorable.
You mention quite often tax on low IQ. Is IQ a big thing in China and do they make international IQ comparisons?
For a question: this is probably far too broad, but I would love to hear more about historical attitudes towards adoption. It really struck me in the post about the stability benefits of concubinage that it worked out as a system because adoption went without question. How did that come about?