A lawyer writes about a question he received. “My nephew’s sick and needs a kidney transplant. My daughter matched his typing, but her mother and I don’t want her to donate. What should I do?
My nephew’s my older brother’s son, 35 years old, already married with a son and a daughter. He’s the pillar of his family. A couple months ago, he fell sick. It was pretty serious, and conservative treatments aren’t doing anything. Doctors suggested a kidney transplant, and since we’re relatives, a lot of the extended family went to match typing. In the end, my daughter matched the best, but she’s only 20 years old and still in school. And she’s pretty thin and small and not super healthy herself. I thought we were just being supportive by doing the typing, I never expected to get a match.
Now my brother and his wife and my nephew’s wife comes over every day to beg us on their knees to save my nephew. My wife says that our daughter’s in a really good university with endless potential to her future, and with only one kidney, your life is ruined. So she absolutely refuses to allow the donation.
I asked my daughter what her opinion is, and she said that since they’re so far apart, it’s not like they grew up together or hung out much. He’s practically a stranger to her. But saving someone’s life is a lot of good karma, so if her mother and I insist that she go, she will. What should we do?
The lawyer’s answer is that since she’s 20, she’s a grown ass adult who can make her own decisions. OP should respect her wishes. She’s absolutely allowed to refuse. It’s just a cousin. It’s not that close of a family member.
Comments agree, “I never would’ve even let her go to match her typing.”
A 24-year-old female, Liu Chaonan, died in the dorms of of the factory she worked at, not even making it to Golden Week. She was originally going to use the time off to go to the Shanghai TV Tower with her husband.
She’s a very average contract worker. February this year, she travelled from Henan to Shanghai to work at an electronics factory. Her husband, Wangke, worked at a different electronics factory 30 km away. Wangke believes that the cause of death is related to her long night shifts. He claims that she works from 7:30pm to 7:30am. According to her payslip, in the month of March, she worked 323 hours.
The manager of the work agency she signed with claims that she’s an hourly worker, the more she worked, the more she made. The company does not require overtime work, she did all her extra hours “voluntarily”. The Department of Labour in the area is investigating whether there have been any violations of labour laws on the part of her agency.
Comments say, “She literally got worked to death! Where the fuck is her union?”
Underneath, people reply, “Unions just pay you some money once you’ve become an urn. What else have they ever done?”
A blogger writes, “This is the reality for old left-over women—don’t believe in nurse maids or retirement homes!
I’ve got a relative, 65-years-old, the left over among left overs. She was very pretty when she was young, and had a good job as a nurse at some hospital. She made a pretty good pension after retirement, and had a house left to her by her parents. Theoretically, she would’ve had a very cushy retirement, but that’s not the case at all.
First, there’s the problem of taking care of herself. Once you get up there in age, everyone is going to get all manners of pains and ache and health conditions. Once, she had a pretty severe fever, dizzy as hell, couldn’t stand up. Who’s going to take care of her now? Her parents were dead. Her siblings are busy with their own lives. She called her nephews for help, but they’re all working. So she had to just be thirsty and hungry by herself.
What if she’d had a husband? What if she’d had children?
Also, her pension is 8K a month. That’s quite a lot in Tianjin. But she’s penniless now, because she got scammed. Older people have a much, much higher rate of falling victim to scams. Don’t think you’re the exception, that you can always spot the lies. Once you’re old, your ability to reason is going to go down with age too. That’s when you need to have children to pull you back to sanity. Your siblings aren’t going to be there. Your friends are going to be just as useless. What’s funnier still is that she still doesn’t believe she got scammed. She’s still wiring the scammer money every month.
Even worse is that she’s discriminated against and bullied by all the other old people in her community. Two other old ladies beat the shit out of her because of some potted plants in the corridor. They know it’s not her fault, but so what? She’s all by herself. There’s not anything she can do about it. Anyone can come over and kick her while she’s down. People are fundamentally evil. Some people say why not call the police, I’ll tell her it’s useless. There’s nothing police can do about old people. And if you call the police, they’ll just beat you up even worse next time.
Her life is absolute hell compared to her youth. Everyone always think that the careless life they live while they’re young is going to continue forever. It’s laughable.
Some people are saying this is just because she’s a coward. I can tell you that she’s definitely not. When she was young, she had a pretty strong personality. But after she’s old, with no children and no husband, how is she going to fight back when she’s bullied for several people at once?
Also, when it comes to retirement homes, just about every old person I know looks forward to it before they go. And once they get there, within two months, they’re throwing a fit demanding to go home. Retirement homes are horrible. Maybe they’ll get better in the future, but they’re absolute shit right now.
Some people say that even with a husband and children, they might be unreliable too. Maybe, but that’s a pretty low chance. Because of our traditional culture, most children are pretty pious to their parents. Maybe there’s a 5% chance you’ll be unhappy with your husband and children. But without then, you’ve got a 100% chance of being unhappy.
Just look at the example of my mom. If she hadn’t married my dad and hadn’t given birth to me and was like all the other older left over women, she wouldn’t even have a place to live! She wouldn’t have a penny to her name! It’s because of my dad’s help at vital moments in her life that she can live so comfortably. She also thought about never marrying when she was young, and now she knows that’s such a wrong thought.
I’ll say it outright—most women are very easy to manipulate. Very easy to scam every penny out of. What can they do? Find a husband. Don’t think that men are unreliable too. Most men are going to be more logical than women. They’re better long-term planners.
A lot of people point to Japan, where older ladies retire together and look after each other together. This is just absolutely childish. China is different from Japan. You can’t compare them to each other. The economics and societal structures are completely different!
Some people say if you have money, you can hire a maid to look after you. Ha, naive. Do you know what maids are like these days? They’ll take your money, but they won’t do the work. You want food? They’ll just reheat left overs. You’re not mobile but you need to go to the bathroom. Lol, time to get diapers for you, and you’ll wear that dirty diaper all day. The maid’s either gonna be out having fun all day or just playing on her phone. You want her to take care of you? That’s gonna be up to her mood. Don’t think that you’re her boss just because you spent the money. What are you gonna do if she ignores you? If you hire her, the next maid will be exactly the same. That’s what happens if you don’t have children or a husband!
Some people say you can hire family. That’s even more ridiculous. What if your family member takes your money and doesn’t take care of you? You’re gonna lose one of your last connections in the world by firing them too? How many family members do you have?
I just don’t understand this kind of thinking. What, only husbands and children are evil bastards, and everyone else in society are angels? Don’t you know who you can trust? Do you know who’s your nuclear family outside of your parents? It’s not relatives, it’s not best friends, it’s not maids. It’s your husband and your children. Not everything can be bought with money. Wake up!
A lot of people say that girls aren’t gonna listen to this, but actually, half the upvotes I’ve gotten have come from girls. Don’t demonise girls—most of them are pretty normal.
Comments ask, “So what’s the future for older, left over men?”
A picture compilation of Ming dynasty hanfu—the kind that peasantry wore. The blogger asking if hanfu enthusiasts like these outfits.
Comments say, “That’s traditional clothing of minority ethnicities in the Xinan region?”
“What, we’re just going to ignore how the Qing slaughtered all the way from Liaodong to Yunggui and forced everyone to change their traditional clothing?”
A relationship blogger writes, “A matchmaker friend tells me that when it comes to introducing old people to each other, it’s a different price based on whether they get a marriage certificate together or not. Because people with marriage certificates can split the estate, so it’s cheaper to get a marriage certificate. It’s a lot more expensive to find a partner if you’re not going to marry them.
Is it possible for an old lady to waste her time? Sure. If the old man had notarised a will beforehand without her knowledge, then she could waste her time and not get anything out of it.
But if you can think of such a thing, why wouldn’t they think of such a thing? Especially when these old ladies make a living doing this. So, when old men re-marry, there’s still a bride price. It’s basically a preemptive splitting of the estate.
More importantly, so long as the old lady is hoping for a share of the inheritance and not a monthly fee, then she would be hoping that the old man dies as quickly as possible. Even if she can’t get her hands on any inheritance, at least she can quickly find out and move on to a different man.
That is to say, secreting making a will can only prevent the old lady from getting money after the old man dies. It can’t prevent the old man being made dead early on. And that’s what most children care about. After all, who doesn’t have some kind of illness when they’re old? And it’s so, so easy to make you live a couple less years for someone who is in total control of everything you eat, everything you wear, and where you live.
What if you don’t get a marriage certificate? Then it’s just a matter of payment method. If you don’t marry them, that means you don’t want to give them your inheritance. If that’s the case, you’ve got to be able to bring enough payment to the table that they’re willing to keep dealing with you. An old lady will generally estimate how many years the old man has left, then divide what they want out of this by that time, and make a monthly payment arrangement. If he lives longer than that, great, more money for her. If he doesn’t live as long as that, she loses out.
Of course, that’s assuming his health condition stays more or less the same. If he falls suddenly ill and stops being able to take care of himself, then he’d have to pay more. Just like how you get overtime pay at your job. Otherwise, the old lady will walk away right away, in the best case scenario. In the worst, she’ll start figuring out how to make extra money on you on her own.
If you remove “hope for the future” from an intimate relationship, all that remains is economics. Don’t have any illusions about what you’re getting into aside from the money.”
Due to the continuing worsening situation in Sudan, the Spokesperson for the Department of Defense has said that in order to protect Chinese lives and assets in Sudan, the Chinese navy will be sending ships to evacuate Chinese people in Sudan.
Comments are celebrating, “This is the joy of having a strong nation!”
A blogger reposts a thank-you letter from a Chinese person in Sudan: “The most priceless gift in my life is this bus ticket—I’m on the fifth bus in the Sudanese evacuation movement, seat number 15. I’m surrounded by my coworkers, family, and other Chinese friends. On the car, our group leader took a video with everyone shouting, “We love our country! Thank you, Chinese Embassy in Sudan!” I spoke from my heart.
We got a notice at 6am from the embassy to gather there. After that, the plan started going haywire. The driver we had contacted before hand never showed up, so we had to drive ourselves to the embassy. The whole journey was incredibly nerve-wracking, and the plan kept changing at the last minute. Then, the busses that were supposed to pick us up showed up late too, so the entire parade of busses had to get delayed. It was the Embassy who had to pull every connection they had to solve this problem.
We started preparing at 2am, left the door at 4am, and only set off at close to 10am. But China leaves no man behind. We drove for 800 kilometres straight for Sudan harbour. We’re estimated to arrive at about 10pm.
There’s already violent conflict throughout the city. Around the Embassy is the ceaseless sound of gunfire. We passed by bombed factories on the way. We saw countless fleeing refugees. There were multiple blockades along our way. We even ended up in the middle of a sandstorm that was beautiful like the morning mist of the Xiaodong River. I never thought sandstorms could look so pretty.
I reiterate my respect towards the Chinese Embassy in Sudan. I don’t have enough words to describe how hard they worked on this.
I also have respect towards the Chinese Sudanese Business Union and Mining Union. They also devoted themselves to helping everyone get out safely. Because of the breakup of the internet and how hurried everything was, I was unable to express my gratitude in person. I couldn’t even send out a text. I have endless gratitude to the heroes who scouted out the route for us.
Although we’re still on the road, we are going to return to China safely. This is the best time to sing a song, My Country and I, we shall never be parted.
The mom of the kidney match woman sounds really hyperbolic about this - are the risks of kidney donation that much higher in China, or is this general worry over major surgery? Or is there some reason other than the possibility of a medical complication that it could ruin her life?
Marriages between older people being done as such strongly financial transactions is fascinating, I wonder if that's biased by it being a matchmaker's account and if people who dont go to matchmakers view it differently