Question: “If you were immortal, how do you keep it a secret?”
Answer: “My reaction is, holy shit, I’m immortal. Let’s give the government a call, and your secret will never get exposed.
Explain what you are, donate some blood, I fully believe with the power of our government, it’s no big deal at all to hide an immortal. And you can still live a great life and enjoy all the technology you want.
As for all the knowledge you’ve accumulated as an immortal, you can share it if you want. You don’t have to share it if you don’t. We’ll just take a little bit of blood every now and then, and just the amount of medical research that can result can kick covid’s ass.
Just, like, you’re immortal already. What’s there to be afraid of? Just tell the government, and see if with your condition, you can get a job just laying around, walking a dog once in a while, taking some vacations, so long as no one ever finds out what you are.
I can’t imagine who would turn down such a golden egg laying goose, such a generous gift.”
Comments say, “You’ll get locked up and drained of blood every day. They’ll cut your flesh, take your organs. You can’t die anyways. They’ll do it day after day. If you regenerate fast enough, they’ll do it ten times a day, ten thousand times a day. They can build a production line, pump your blood out at 10,000 litres per second, cutting fresh new organs out of you every second, make everyone in the world eat immortal flesh and drink immortal blood and get immortal organs.”
“You’re immortal anyways, it’s just a matter of how many vivisections it takes to make all the higher ups immortal too.”
“If you’re immortal, don’t reply! This question was just designed to bait you into exposing yourself! Then you’ll know what kind of hell you’re in for! [doge]?
“I’ve been turned down for a date more than 30 times because of epilepsy. Isn’t that laughable?
I just told my date about my epilepsy at our second date. He didn’t even wait until we were done eating before he found an excuse to leave. Never contacted me afterwards. Can’t blame him. He doesn’t have any responsibility to me when we’re only just dating. And who doesn’t want a healthy partner? But it’s still been a really crushing blow for me.
The “thirty times” in my heading seems like a bit of an exaggeration, but I don’t think I can find anyone who’s willing to accept me through dating. I guess it’s just a matter of time until I’m turned down 30 times. I’ll eventually become a joke in the dating world, lolol.
But I’ll still be sad. It’s not like I wanted to be sick. I’m doing my best to manage my condition. I take my medicine, I do my treatments, I go to a trustworthy hospital and see my doctor. I haven’t had an episode in the longest time. And yet, it’s still affecting my life. Can someone tell me how I can pick myself up and walk out of this valley?”
Comments say, “Why would you date when you have epilepsy? People get married for kids. If you have a disease, you’re not suitable for having kids.”
“It’s not funny at all. It’s pretty normal to get rejected for epilepsy. People don’t even want to date people who have Hep B nowadays.”
“Why would you demand a perfect stranger accept a burden? Nobody’s life is easy. Unless they have a similar problem. You should be up front right away, and not wait ’til you’re rejected and complain on the internet.”
A video of, “How do Filipinos make chicken stew? It’s really different from the Chinese way!”
Comments say, “OMG what kind of pot is this? Someone tell me, please, it looks so awesome!”
“This seems like some sort of Spanish/Filipino fusion style chicken.”
“But wouldn’t the chicken be super gamey this way?”
“Just saw this suggestion from a professor at Shanghai Fudan University after the Meida highway accident…”
The suggestion reads, “I hope this Meida highway tragedy can make the government finally resolve to cancel all long holidays (aside from Chinese New Year). Almost every long holiday we have, there’s some kind of accident. The long holiday policy was meant to increase domestic demand to begin with, it’s time we changed it up. I hope all those who passed away rest in peace.”
Comments say, “Wow, what a brilliant expert. So if no one went on holiday, the highway wouldn’t have collapsed?”
“Genius! I would never have thought of this! Is this the kind of people they hire at Fudan?”
“Maybe it is better if we don’t all go on holiday at once, and instead spread it out?”
This is a carved rock from the Warring States era. The characters carved on it translates to, “We’re Gong Chengde and Jiang Jiuman. We fish for the King. We’re currently watching the King’s grave. Gentleman from the future, hello.”
Comments say, “They travelled across time just to say hello to us T_T”
“I just remembered that fingerprint on the terracotta soldier T_T”
“I wanna laugh every time I think about how I’ll be an ancient person in a couple hundred years time.”
“They call us “gentlemen”, but they also predicted we’d dig up their graves.”
“Just happened upon this comment thread about the physical checkup part of the civil servant exam. Is it really that detailed? Why is it so strict?”
The comment thread goes, “Yeah, fully naked. They’ll even examine your private area if you’re a girl.”
“Yup, naked, fully naked, they’ll look at your privates. But so long as you don’t apply to a position that explicitly bans tattoos, they won’t really care.”
“I’m in Guangdong, it’s true, but it’s pretty chill. You just take off your undies and turn in a circle. We went into the room one by one, and the doctor’s always the same gender as you so it’s not too awkward.”
A compilation of nightmare foods for every state: [That if, when you get too much of something and eat it for weeks in a row and get sick and tired of it]
“This is Guangxi people’s nightmare. Oranges from the day before yesterday. Oranges from yesterday. Oranges from today. I’m smoking from overwork.”
“Mail those three boxes to me and I’ll give you 500 RMB.”
“I can mail a whole tree to you, you want it?”
“Jiangxu people’s nightmare: honey jujube pork belly.”
“Sweet pork belly??”
“How is there such a vicious dish. Just listening to the name makes me feel like someone slapped me in the tongue.”
“Anhui people’s nightmare.”
“What is this? It looks tasty.”
“Fried lotus balls. It’s only tasty when it’s fresh out of the fryer. If you stock up too much and put them in noodles every day, then they’re disgusting, eating them for days on end.”
“We’ve only got 4 people in my house.”
“Don’t worry, I’m on my way.”
“Hulunbuir’s nightmare. Beef jerky milk tea. Beef jerky noodles. Makes my jaw hurt from chewing too much.”
“If I got to eat like this every day, I’d be willing to live in a mansion and drive sports cars T_T”
“Kids from Xinjiang never eat any of the dried fruit on the table.”
“Is that so? We’ve got so much starfruit in my house that I want to throw up just looking at them.”
“Jiangsu, Yancheng.”
“Do you own a bun shop?”
“This is the last bucket. Let’s go! (I heat we’re making more rice cake in a few days. Help me, God)”
“I’ve already overcame my hurdle. We used to make little square cakes at home, and relatives would bring these long rectangular cakes like in your picture. To this day, I can recall that super sticky texture.”
“We get a ton of this shit every year.” [IP in Yunnan]
“Either way, my nightmare is this.”
“Millet porridge is super tasty and good for your stomach. If you don’t want it, I want it!”
“We have it every day. A bowl in the morning and a bowl at night.”
“I’m from Hubei, and my family just bought 500kg of dried meat. My boyfriend is from Sichuan, and his family also bought 500kg of dried meat, and wants to give half of it to my family. I’m still thinking about how to turn them down.”
“Every northerner’s nightmare is dumplings. Dumplings in New Year’s Eve, dumplings on New Years Day, left over dumplings on the second, left over dumplings on the third, dumplings on the fourth…”
“Will you die if you don’t eat the dumplings?”
“Right? You’ve gotta have dumplings on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. That was really a nightmare when i was little, because they’d make a huge bucket of meat stuffing, and we’d have dumplings almost every day from the 30th to the 15th.”
“Guys. Who gets it? My husband’s from Zhejiang, and I’m from Shandong. Cabbage and rice cake stir fry.”
“At most, I can have it for one meal. Anymore, and it’s pure evil.”
“Who the fuck likes lamb.”
“I love it. The gamier, the better <3”
“You call that nightmares? This is the true nightmare.”
“Cook it with Ciba cake. It’s super tasty!”
“Ho could choy sum be a nightmare?”
“Eat it for a whole season, three time a day every single day. No matter what main dish you’re having, this is the side. And you’ll know that any food will get disgusting after that.”
“As someone from Hunan, I really hate dried meat. Every time I see the dried meats hanging up for New Years, I get frustrated.”
“I’m from Dongbei, married to Hunan, and I’ve ate dried meat for a whole year in a row, and I’m sick and tired of it.”
Wonder if the people talking about the girl with epilepsy realise how cruel they’re being